Should I tell my boyfriend the truth?

Former Member

My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago but then we got back together and everything is great.

However during the time we were broken up, I slept with my ex. Should I tell my boyfriend this? I don't think I should because I don't see how any good can come from telling him.

Former Member

I'm not an expert but I guess it depends on how you feel. Sometimes it's better to "hide" things from a person we like/love in order to protect their feelings.
According to what you say you hed broken up the time you slept with your ex, so you weren't cheating on your boyfriend and therefore have nothing to be ashamed of or give explanations for. If you think it would hurt your boyfriend to find out, than just don't tell him. If I were you I wouldn't tell him. I know that you might feel bad about not telling him and beeing honest would lift a weight off your shoulders, but on the other hand telling him might turn out two ways.
1 -> he appreciate you being honest and maybe is glad to have you back, considering that you might have ended up with your ex again and thous not with him.
2 -> he might feel insecure and maybe think that you will run to your ex again after a fight or something like that, which will of course damage your current realtionship with hm.

So it depends on your boyfriend, is he sure of himself and your relationship or rather jealous, insecure and emotional? If he tends to be the latter, don't tell him. Whipe it from your memory and keep on to what you have.

That's what I would do at least.

Former Member

mhari wrote: »

My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago but then we got back together and everything is great.

However during the time we were broken up, I slept with my ex. Should I tell my boyfriend this? I don't think I should because I don't see how any good can come from telling him.

Yes I think he has a right to know. What do you mean "No good can come of telling him."? Would you only tell him if it benefits you? He has a right to know, in my opinion and then decide for himself if that is a problem for him or not. If you keep the lid on that and one day it starts cooking over then he'll probably have a meltdown.

Former Member

I agree with StrubbleS on this one. Nobody can make your choice for you so if you feel it's best not to tell him then that's fine. In my opinion, it might benefit the both of you in the longer run if you tell him because better that than him finding out later on down the line from someone else.

If you were broken up, you've done nothing wrong.

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

If you keep the lid on that and one day it starts cooking over then he'll probably have a meltdown.

What does that mean??

Former Member

Side note: There isn't any way he could find out unless I told him. Nobody knows expect for me and my ex. My ex definitely didn't tell anyone because I know what he's like. He's not one brag about having sex.

I'm asking because I'm looking for people to back me up so i can feel less guilty.

Judge me all you want but I'm trying to do what's best for my relationship.

Former Member

I don't think there's any need for you to tell him. It was in the past when the two of you weren't together. It's the same as telling your boyfriend all the people you have ever slept with or dated. There's just no point in talking about it. Would you tell your boyfriend about if you slept with someone who wasn't your ex while you weren't together? I wouldn't. There's no need to feel guilty. Your boyfriend probably did some things with other people while you were broken up and he hasn't told you.

Hope everything is okay xx

Former Member

Two options: one is for the short term and one is looking at the long term. Telling him is for the latter (as explained by StrubbleS). As Butterfly said, you did nothing wrong so you needn't feel like you have, and telling him doesn't incriminate you in anything. Might be worth just getting it out the way. It sounds like you've already made up your mind, though, and you're just looking for someone to validate your choice. Your choice is valid but it will make things harder later down the line if you are still together.

Former Member

Thank you to everyone who responded. I'm sorry about that aggressive comment there. I was angry so I lashed out.

I told him. He said "it doesn't matter we weren't together at that time so its fine. You didn't need to tell me but I'm glad you did."

So basically everyone was right. I didn't need to tell him but its okay that I did.

Thank you everyone

Former Member

Well done you for telling him. It must have taken courage. I'm glad it worked out for you xx

Former Member

Yeah, huge well done for telling him - it was clearly a very brave thing for you to do and I'm glad it went so well! :d

Former Member

mhari wrote: »

What does that mean??

If you keep it a secret and it eventually comes out he will realize you have been lying by omission to him and the damage this will cause will be far bigger than telling him straight away.

The best for every relationship is honesty in my opinion. If you can only keep the relationship up by withholding information that he deserves to know then you are not "doing the best" for your relationship. A relationship is a team game. If you deceive your partner you are not a good teammate.


/edit:

I told him. He said "it doesn't matter we weren't together at that time so its fine. You didn't need to tell me but I'm glad you did."

So basically everyone was right. I didn't need to tell him but its okay that I did.

I think that was the right decision. If there is nothing wrong with it, then there is nothing to lose by telling him. If he would have had a problem with it, then there was something wrong with it (it doesn't matter what is "technically" right or wrong. Everyone is entitled to his feelings and if that hurt him it's valid).

You've been honest and you got rewarded. Maybe not right away, but your boyfriend knows that you'll bring up uncomfortable truth instead of hiding them.