Living After Loss

ShatteredSecrets

Hi guys..

Apologies for not being around recently. This is kind of a rant-y post. It doesn't have to be read, or even acknowledged I just need to put this somewhere before I do something silly.

Last night, at around 11:30pm I received the news that an old friend passed away. He was only 19. I don't know how I am supposed to process this. He died in a horrific road accident. Nobody saw it coming because he was always so safe. I don't know what to do. People don't seem to understand me. My words are falling on deaf ears and it seems like actions are my only alternative. I really have no idea what to do. I mean I know people say give it time and you'll be fine but it's absolute BS. I lost my grandad 2 and a half years ago and I'm still not ok. The sadness, upset, guilt, and anger are all still there. I wasn't allowed to my grandad's funeral and I won't be able to go to my friend's either.

Everything has been so hard this past week and now this happened. I can't keep pretending that life is fine and there is nothing wrong. I don't want to carry on.

I'm sorry this post is so depressing or woe is me. Like I said, there's no obligation to reply. I just needed to do this.

- ShatteredSecrets

apandav

Hi SS,

I'm so sorry to hear, *hugs* for you! We are here if you want to talk

Former Member

Hey there SS :wave:

I'm really sorry to hear of your friend passing away so suddenly. That's really sad and I honestly do feel for you. It's such a horrible thing to go through - especially as it was so sudden - there's a lot of shock and disbelief initially isn't there?

Don't worry about pretending to be alright, it's perfectly understandable for you to be shaken up by this - it's a traumatic experience for anyone, so you take all the time you need - and don't worry that you should feel or be, something other than what you are feeling at the moment. :yes:

I can see from what you have written that you are also struggling to come to terms with the loss of your grandad - and that you lost him a couple of years ago. I wonder if you have managed to talk to someone - such as a trained bereavement counsellor about your feelings - either after the funeral or more recently? We can still be affected by the death of someone close to us years down the line, and at different times, sometimes the most unexpected of times too. If you feel like you want to, have a look at Cruse - they offer support services for young people affected by the death of a loved one, they actually have a dedicated website called Hope Again - which is where young people facing bereavement, share their stories and seek support and advice, which may help you out a little.

Loss is such a hard thing to deal with SS, and I know you mentioned you don't need a reply - you just had to let it out, and I hope that went some way into making you feel a little bit of a release?

People get through the loss of a loved one in different ways - there is sadly, no timeframe for how long you will be feeling the after effects - I remember my Nana, when she was still alive, would still get misty eyed now and again thinking of her hubby. Whatever the timespan, feeling the loss of someone you care about can linger and if you are feeling down about it - that's completely normal. Perhaps you could have a close friend around when you feel those times low times approaching - or someone you can ring up who can take your mind off it/distract you? It might help you through the darker times, when you do feel the sadness?

I hope this helps you a little bit SS - thinking of you, and your friend's family. Make sure you stay safe x

Danny!

Hi ShatteredSecrets

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend, that's awful. How are you doing today?

It's really good your sharing your feelings here - I think it's especially important when you're dealing with something so big.There's no need to pretend that everything's fine here. And remember places like the Samaritans are there whenever you need to talk.

I see how "give it time and you'll be fine" could sound unrealistic, and hard to imagine. Does "give it time and work, and you'll be able to cope better and learn to accept your losses, even if you still miss the people" sound any better?

Look after yourself
Danny

ShatteredSecrets

Hi all...

Thanks for your input. I honestly feel like I'm in no position to seek help of any kind right now. None of this feels real. I have counselling in 2 hours and honestly have no idea if I even want to go or not.

-ShatteredSecrets

Former Member

Perhaps you could have a sort of funeral for yourself for your friend. Is the not going to the funeral something that upsets you more and makes it harder for you to grieve and move on? I know going to my mums funeral helped me, then it was a case of time.

ShatteredSecrets

Do you guys think being able to smell them is weird? Like for example, I've been out all day volunteering both yesterday and today and as soon as I walk through my front door I was hit by suh a strong scent of my grea-grandad who died almost 3 years ago. I asked the rest of my family and they think I'm going insane. Is this normal? Or am I going crazy?

- ShatteredSecrets

Former Member

You're just remembering. I hear my mum's voice sometimes, but not often and it's been 5 years.

ShatteredSecrets

I don't think I can cope anymore. Everyone and everything around me are dying. I can't cope with the loss or heartbreak anymore.

-ShatteredSecrets