I am too dependent on my boyfriend

Former Member

Everything in my life is great. I'm at university doing a course I love, I have great friends and family and I have an amazing boyfriend who I love very much.

Yet I find that whenever I'm not with my boyfriend, I'm not happy. I don't understand. I should be happy. My life is great.

I used to be very independent and I liked being by myself. But now I can't stand it. I am miserable unless I'm with my boyfriend.

Is there any way I can enjoy being on my own again? Or take the happiness I have when I'm with my boyfriend and spread throughout the rest of my life?

Former Member

Hey Erinabi45!

I totally get where you're coming from. It can be hard to be away from someone you love when you're used to spending a lot of time with them.
Do you have any hobbies which you could take part in? e.g. Sports clubs are a great idea during the day time to keep busy and preoccupy your mind! Also arts and crafts can be a way to express feelings.

Maybe you're not into that stuff but any hobby you can think of, even if it's pampering yourself, painting your nails; putting a face mask on or even having a bath with bubbles and candles!
Sometimes even putting a film on or a TV series can be distracting.

You definitely can use the happiness you get when you're with him to spread into your life. Maybe create a positive quote book - when you're feeling crappy you can look back on them or even try to create new ones. Also think of the fact that you're gonna see him again soon. It's not forever that he's gone for and cherish a bit of time alone! Let's face it.. Men can be annoying just as women can be annoying too. Use your free time to chill out and have some you time. It's great to have breaks from one another and can make a relationship much more healthy.

I think the best way for you to become a bit more independent is by keeping yourself busy when he's not around, that way your mind cannot drift to those thoughts of "oh I wish he was here.." Or anything like that!!

Hope I helped!

Former Member

Thanks for the advice. I've been trying it out recently and its been helping. I've taken up running again and I've also been playing my piano. I even talked to my boyfriend about how i was feeling. He gave me encouragement on doing these activities. Like he said he'd love to hear me play the piano sometime. So now i'm learning songs for him.

Now I have things to be excited about and not just being with my boyfriend. Thank you again.

Hope everything is okay with you. xx

Former Member

I'm so glad you're doing well! And yeah I'm fine xx

Former Member

Hi Erinabi45,

It's great to hear you're feeling very happy with your life otherwise and that you've already started to focus on hobbies to relieve your dependency on your boyfriend. You said that you were planning on learning some songs on the piano for him, but how about doing it for yourself instead? It's really nice to set a goal just for self-satisfaction or self-improvement rather than doing it with somebody else in mind.

Why not pick two or three songs for yourself that you love and aim to learn them by the end of the summer?

Also, spending more time with friends or more importantly, by yourself, could really help you to develop a sense of independence and make it easier and more pleasant when you're not with your boyfriend. Being able to spend time in your own company is completely underrated; it's an important part of understanding who you are and having confidence in yourself because being alone from time to time gives you time to reflect. So perhaps it might be a good idea to explore meditation or yoga?

Anyway, sounds like you're on the right track but thought I'd throw in a few more options!

Good luck and stay positive!