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in need of help - thinking about having a baby

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
so i have been told by my friend about fertility clinic if i give my eggs i can get paid £750 or i can get free ivf but it would mean i would be doing it on my own bring up the baby on my own i am more than happy to do that but i worry about it thought can i do it on my own as my family don't think i can or should do it i will be doing it on my own but its what i wonted for a really long time since i was 20 and lost my first baby :'( all ways wonted to become a mum and would love it if I could just in two minds about it if anyone could help that be great :)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiya Sian :wave:

    Im sorry to hear that about your baby :( That's very sad - sending you a big hug *hug*

    I think this is something you need to spend some time thinking carefully about. It's wonderful that you want to do something admirable like raise a family, however there are some practical things you would need to think about. Raising a child alone can be really quite a stressful and difficult thing to do. You might need to think about finances - will you be able to cope with the extra cost of a child - and things like childcare can be very expensive, if you needed a break from it all - who would help you - would you have someone you could ask to help out now and again - babysitting etc?

    There will be the added problems of managing home/work and things like the chores, cooking - you might end up feeling that you might want to split yourself into 3 different people to cope!

    There's a website called Gingerbread which you might want to have a look at - it provides advice and support for people who are single parents. They even have a free helpline you can contact them on too :) You can even join an online community of single parents in your area - which you might find a really useful resource if this is something you do decide you want to do.

    You might want to look at Netmums site as well - they have lots of tips and support for people who are single parents, including advice around finances and entitlements.

    I think it might be an idea to talk to other single mums - find out a little bit about what's it been like for them. If they have a strong support network - family/friends that are there and really willing to help out - then this can make a real difference. It's important to look at your situation carefully to - and if you have similar things in place.

    I hope this helps you ;)

    Let us know if you need any other advice/info - happy to help you out Sian x

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tamsinjo wrote: »
    Hiya Sian :wave:

    Im sorry to hear that about your baby :( That's very sad - sending you a big hug *hug*

    I think this is something you need to spend some time thinking carefully about. It's wonderful that you want to do something admirable like raise a family, however there are some practical things you would need to think about. Raising a child alone can be really quite a stressful and difficult thing to do. You might need to think about finances - will you be able to cope with the extra cost of a child - and things like childcare can be very expensive, if you needed a break from it all - who would help you - would you have someone you could ask to help out now and again - babysitting etc?

    There will be the added problems of managing home/work and things like the chores, cooking - you might end up feeling that you might want to split yourself into 3 different people to cope!

    There's a website called Gingerbread which you might want to have a look at - it provides advice and support for people who are single parents. They even have a free helpline you can contact them on too :) You can even join an online community of single parents in your area - which you might find a really useful resource if this is something you do decide you want to do.

    You might want to look at Netmums site as well - they have lots of tips and support for people who are single parents, including advice around finances and entitlements.

    I think it might be an idea to talk to other single mums - find out a little bit about what's it been like for them. If they have a strong support network - family/friends that are there and really willing to help out - then this can make a real difference. It's important to look at your situation carefully to - and if you have similar things in place.

    I hope this helps you ;)

    Let us know if you need any other advice/info - happy to help you out Sian x

    thank you its been 3 years i am in a better place with it now its something i think about all the time i have a few good friend that said they would be happy to help and support me thought it its something that all ways on my mind yes i know it will be a lot of hard work and i will never get that time out that most ppl can get if they are with someone but i been thought so much over the last three months i been hurt so much and i lost so much i think having a child would give me something to look forward to sort myself out yes money and place to live and a job r all what i need but i can do that now before i go thought with it so i can sort myself out now then once i am sorted i can have a child i know doing it on my own not what ppl like these day nto something you should do but i am happy to do it on my own happy to be a signle mum my dad was never around so i don't need a dad for my child i know it a lot to think about and a lot to go thought on my own but i think i can do it and thank you for your help :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IVF isn't simple or straightforward and it may not work, and harvesting your eggs can decrease your fertility. As much as it might hurt to hear this, having another child will not fill the void left by the loss of your first. You are also only 23, you've got plenty of time to meet someone if thats what you choose to do. But a word of warning about comparing your childhood experiences to those of future children - just because you didn't miss having a father in your life (I was brought up in a single parent family too) doesn't mean your child won't feel they did or didn't miss out. I would also say that you need to think about how often people say they'll help out but when you really need it (3am with a teething child, toilet training, when you have a really bad cold) you can't guarantee they will be there, even those with the best intensions have things come up. MrRiot doesn't always find it easy and theres often at least 1 other adult around to help out. having a partner around helps with the emotional ups and downs as well, and there are lots of them when raising children!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    IVF isn't simple or straightforward and it may not work, and harvesting your eggs can decrease your fertility. As much as it might hurt to hear this, having another child will not fill the void left by the loss of your first. You are also only 23, you've got plenty of time to meet someone if thats what you choose to do. But a word of warning about comparing your childhood experiences to those of future children - just because you didn't miss having a father in your life (I was brought up in a single parent family too) doesn't mean your child won't feel they did or didn't miss out. I would also say that you need to think about how often people say they'll help out but when you really need it (3am with a teething child, toilet training, when you have a really bad cold) you can't guarantee they will be there, even those with the best intensions have things come up. MrRiot doesn't always find it easy and theres often at least 1 other adult around to help out. having a partner around helps with the emotional ups and downs as well, and there are lots of them when raising children!

    OK I AM NOT TRYING TO HAVE A BABY TO REPLACE THE BABY I LOST nothing will ever replace my first baby and i am not happy that you think and if that what you think then please do just leave it just something i am thinking about
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