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Tried to escape the friendzone, didnt work - do i give it another shot?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have a best friend (my only friend) in which we spend 4 out of 7 days together if not more, really close and i know her very well. She tells me everything, somethings that guys shouldn't know its that close, so close that im not in the friendzone i have been upgraded to the family zone "we are life bf and gf just no sex" is what she says alot / alot of people think we are together they way the see us talking/being together.

I have had feelings for her for like 2 years and had to go through breakups, relationships, flings and her crushes - i didnt like this and i couldnt say my feelings as i find it hard as i have lived for 26 years holding everything in and keeping myself to myself and every feeling. (=Depression, Anxiety has changed me - she makes me happy and live life)
She said she was going out on a 2nd date with someone (my mood changed and she knew something was up) so i went for it and i decided to ask her, it was either him or me

What i said,
I guess i let the game away tonight more than usual and you knew something was up.Truth is, i am jealous of your dates over the past years my feelings have always grown bigger for you but i knew my place in the zone and didn't want to say anything.
Being closer to you now and knowing more about what you want and the typical man thing of 'thinking i can do that/be that person' (i know i don't show it) and how you have helped me. It changed my thinking and feel like i want to have that in my life and if i had a chance to start a relationship with you i would. Knowing this and you saying you are going on a second date with this guy again i had to make a decision and had to say something in-case i missed my only chance

She replied, Naaaw I love you Joshi. So much. You're too important in my life now but it's up to you to stay in it or not.
I think my feelings for you haven't changed. I've always seen you as my brother but I guess I was selfish and think that you think of me as a sister too knowing that you don't. I was lying to my self. Sorry.
The thing is, if we're being honest, I didn't see the man I want with you to be in a loving relationship. I saw a familial relationship with you and it stuck. Like I said in the car, emotional conversation, we lack, etc. But i know you're amazing. It's just I don't see the compatibility.
I hope nothing changes between you and I and you'll always be my best friend. But it's up to you. You make a decision for yourself wink emoticon huuuuuuuuggggg
I won't tell you about dates anymore yikes! Lol but seriously, tell me if I shouldn't so it doesn't make you uncomfortable. Now that I know, I don't want to hurt you

I said it was okay and that i wont be leaving our friendship and its okay.

I didnt get the "I didn't see the man I want with you to be in a loving relationship." and the "It's just I don't see the compatibility." yet 'we are like bf/gf' is that not the same? If we cant be seperated, like the same things and peas in a pod.
Or is it really.. your not attractive to be my boyfriend and am happy with the company

Now i dont know what to do,
Do i leave it? and let her go out with whoever she wants even though it will hurt/make me jealous but happy she is with someone she likes?
Do i go all Hollywood and tell her that she still shouldn't go out with this bloke and it has to be me (in a flirty way)?
Do i tell her my life emotions, why i am the way that i am and why i think we are compatible? It may make her understand?
Or do i just stay in the family zone and not disturb anything?

please help :)


  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    without any double talk or spoonfuls of sugar to help you digest this better: You will never be romantically involved with this person. No, do not try a second time.

    Let me tell you what friendship is. It's a bond that exists between two people who consider themselves friends. the important part is, that it's mutual. Do you know what friendship is not? Unrequited, one-sided pining for a person and watching her do things that make her happy while you are silently miserable. Between two people where one wants friendship and the other a romantic relationship there is no friendship. You are just acting like a friend, but you feel like you are just on the sidelines waiting to be swapped onto the field. It's not gonna happen. Put yourself first and make some distance between you, because this is never gonna get easier for you.

    Stop trying to pick apart her response trying to find an ambiguity like small print in a contract. She was very clear to you. Feelings for a person come from within. If you want someone, you just know. She is not interested in you and there is no "making her understand". She understands perfectly fine who you are.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't tell her who she can and can't date. She's made it clear she doesn't want to do date you. You need to accept this and move on.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Be her friend. From the response, it doesn't look like she wants the sort of relationship that you want, but if that ever were to happen, the only way it would happen would be naturally, not through grand declarations. Decide if you can be this girl's friend or not, because that's what you have to do.
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