Afraid to admit my feelings to him

Former Member

We met at a local place where we both used to hang out. He had seen me a few times, I wasn't even aware of him being there.... Until he came and talked to me.
I agreed to meet him for a coffee in a neutral place, considering that all his buddies and my friends where at the same place, so it would have been awkward to have our first date there...

He astonished me, he turned out to be a hard rock guy, all with long hair, beard, bike, leathers... He was100% the guy "mommy-told-to-stay-away-from-him". But as they say, looks can be deceiving, and his definetly was! Under the appearance was a cute, caring guy, with a great sense of humor and good manners. Never the less, when he broke his selfcontrol and kissed me fiercly - in public - I coudn't care less and let myself melt away in his arms.

We went out again, had a good time, came close... And a few days later I sent him a text about having a drink together. It turned out that it was his birthday and he already had plans... I couldn't help feeling a bit but wished him a happy b-day and to have some fun. A few minutes later he called and asked if I wanted to join them, but warned me that all his friends would be there so we couldn't be all cuddling and kissing which was actually fine with me.

Long story short we couldn't stay away from each other. We used to stick together like glue, and the passion between us and the heat that was rising up everytime we met, was something that couldn't go unnoticed. His friends started teasing him about getting a room and stuff like that but he always laughed and didn't mind their comments. Now you would ask, where's the problem?

Well, he lives and works in a different city... actually in order to get together one of us has to board a plane... So we maintained a distance-relationship and agreed that if one of us found something else, he/I would tell the other one and we would end our relationship. And he found someone else...

So we broke up, but we couldn't stay away from each other. In fact we still talk and meet when he's in town. But I just can't get him out of my system. I don't wanna be just frends, I want him so badly that my heart aches whenever I think of him and the good timed we had together... Yeah, he made it clear to me that he doesn't plan to get married, but who cares! I love him despite this fact.

Still I'm afraid to amdit those things to him, I'm afraid to tell him that I want more than being friends, that I'm in love with him... Idk what to do...

Thanks for reading... Any comment or advice is appreciated.

Former Member

Wow, that's a painful position to be in, I can't tell you what to do, but I can suggest what not to do, I learnt the hard way - and was left feeling cheap, stupid and heart-broken.

I went wrong by telling the bloke I liked that I wanted to be more than friends, he said he wanted that too, but needed to end his current relationship as he didn't love her. I was overjoyed so what happened next serves me right for being selfish.

He turned up at my doorstep saying he wanted me and couldn't wait, he said he'd told his gf it was over and I was stupid enough to buy it & we ended up 'together' for a few hours. I should have realised he was playing me when he said he had to go home a few hours after we'd em you know! But I didn't want to see the truth.

He played me for 7 months telling me lie after lie. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying your guy is like that, only, trust you intuition, if you feel something doesn't add up, get out!

Can I ask you a question? If you told him how you feel about him and he didn't feel the same, would you rather stay friends or cut off all contact?

If you can stay friends then it's worth telling him, but if you feel it'll ruin the friendship I think I'd hang back and stay friends. If he likes you he'll make a move on you at some point!

I hope things work out for you with this guy, but if he isn't the one, keep looking! You deserve to be in a mutually loving relationship, if this guy doesn't get how great you are he doesn't deserve your love, but someone will x

Hang on in there sweetheart. Stay strong

Former Member

Hey HoneyBear. Welcome to the boards! It's really great that you've reached out on here, so kudos for that.

This sounds like a bit of a 'right person, wrong circumstances' type deal. :rolleyes: It's great to hear that you had such a happy experience together while it lasted. You say you're in love with him, do you know if he feels as strongly about you? Do you know what he wants out of all this?

One thing I do want to say is that I really don't think this can carry on working as it is. It sounds like you're feeling a bit 'all or nothing' about the situation and not keen on just being friends (correct me if I interpreted that wrong!), which is perfectly valid. You're bound to carry on feeling rubbish if you're meeting him as a friend while all these feelings are circling you. You're right to identify that you need to talk about all this with him, though. :yes: Communication is key.

I would say, don't be afraid to admit these things; never be afraid to be honest about your feelings. The more you both know, the easier the situation becomes, right? If he understands you and cares for you as much as it sounds then he will understand and won't judge you. When you open yourself up to someone like that (especially someone you've got such intense feelings for), it's easy to feel vulnerable. It's okay to feel vulnerable in that sense. Like I said, if he's as decent as you make him sound then you won't get any nasty backlash from it. He'll probably even admire your courage and respect you for being so honest.

You should also be ready for what could happen after. If you admit that you're in love with him and that you can't just be friends, then he decides it's best (maybe for both of you) if he stays where he is and you both move on with your lives, how would you feel? Because realistically it sounds like either that happens or you both rekindle your love, get back together and work out a way to make the distance work for you (which seems less likely given how it panned out before). I know love trumps all 'n' all, but it could pay you to assess the situation realistically and decide if it really has a chance at working out for you both.

That response was very long winded! I hope it all makes sense and helps in some way. Apologies if I rambled on a little too much!

All the best! *hug*
Petri

Former Member

Neat I'm so sorry that you had to go through this... *hug* It was really mean of him to do this. Like you said, he totally didn't deserve you...
I understand what you mean, that your experience is one of the possible outcomes. As for your question, I would rather stay friends than loose him completely.

Petrichor, as you see it's not all or nothing, it's just that it's hard to suppress the urge of throwing myself into his arms and kiss him. :rolleyes: Well, it's not imposible, but it hurts. But I'd rather have that than nothing.
There is another possible outcome though... at some point, when we were making out in front of his friends (as I said before, we couldn't stay away from each other :d), one of them told him half-joking half-serious: "Dude it's time you come back to town, don't you think so?" His response was: "Get me a job and I'll move back"
Considering the circumstances I thought he had a valid point, but I thought that maybe it could be a solution for us to make it work.

Today we texted and I asked him when he's gonna drop by and he said next month. I asked him if he will be alone or accompanied by someone, he said that some days he'll be alone, and other he'll have company.
So I asked if he's got a new flirt, and his response was that I should know, since he'd told me some time ago and he also said that I obviously forgot. My response was that he could put it that way and that I probably forgot cause I wished it would be otherwise, which made him laugh... I'm not sure what that means, so I didn't answer back.

I guess my biggest fear in all this is that I won't be able to find someone else to make me feel the way he did.

But you are both right. I should tell him, in person of course. Those are things you can't tell over the phone...

P.S. Petrichor, it's fine with me to ramble, I get carried away myself sometimes...