Grief is too much to bare.

Former Member

Hiya,

This is kind of hard to talk about but I feel like I can't keep it inside anymore. Tonight just seemed to explode a lot of raw feelings for me and I'm not sure where to go so I figured I would come here.

I really miss my grandad. He died from Dementia 2 and a half years ago. I feel terrible. I regret every choice I made when I came home from college that day. They told me he won't make it through the night but I didn't believe them. This was said years before when he was in a coma but he made it through. I knew he was strong. Not even an hour later he was dead. I didn't see him before he died. Everyone else left but I didn't. I feel awful. I was never allowed to talk about my thoughts and feelings when we lost him. Everyone just carried on as if nothing happened. I just can't hold it in any more.

Tonight I miss him more than anything. I just want to see him again.

I don't know why I'm posting really. Advice on how to cope? Where to get support? Just to vent? I don't know.. Sorry guys.

- ShatteredSecrets

Former Member

Hi ShatteredSecrets,

I'm really sorry to hear about your grandad, I know things cant be easy for you at the moment.

It's pretty normal to feel the way you do as your human at the end of the day and have feelings. You was also close to your grandad which makes it harder I'm sure.

What do you remember of your grandad? Did you spend a lot of time with him? Does sound like he was a nice guy and you got on with him.

You said everyone carried on as normal like nothing happened. Are you sure that was the case? Sometimes people deal with grief in different ways and it maybe that they are really hurting but don't show it.

Please remember to not blame yourself. You couldn't do anything and it did came as a shock at the time and that's why you feel the way you do.

What do you think will help you at the moment? What is it you enjoy? You might in your spare time listen to music, read, cook, spend time with your family or friends. I think find something what can keep your mind off things.

You might find venting can help to get things off your chest. There's a thread started on the site for venting so anytime you feel like you wanna get something off your chest then do so by going on there. No one will judge you or anything so it will be alright.

Another thing might be speaking to someone. This can be a doctor or counseller. If you find it hard to talk to them then you can always contact The Samaritans who are open 24 hours a day and 7 days a week who are a listening service who are there when you need it. Also with other support you could try the website www.bereavement. org.uk who are there for others who are missing a loved one and wants support. You could try that

Please remember were here if you ever need to talk x

Former Member

Sorry the website is www.mariecurie.org.uk/bereavement

Former Member

Dear ShatteredSecrets,

You've held on to this grief and pain for so long, you clearly adored & sorely miss your Grandad he must of been pretty awesome! but he'd want you to be happy I bet.

Try writing a letter to him saying all the things you want to get off your chest, just let it all pour out, don't worry if it isn't structured or if it's out of time order etc, just write what ever you feel. Then put it in a fire & let the smoke take all your love to your Grandad. He'll be up there watching over you, loving and caring and I bet he isn't cross with you, he may have wanted you to stay away so as not to see him pass over. That way you can remember him in happier times.

I stayed at the bedside of an elderly neighbour for several nights, I only nipped to the loo and he passed with two nurses by his side, they said he may have been waiting to 'let go' but cared for me too much to let me be present when he passed.

Now, sweet pea, no more beating yourself up over this, live your life in a way that makes you happy and your Grandad proud.

I talk to my ex (he died the end of last year) not in public or even always out load, but I just tell him I miss him, I love him and stuff then I ask him to stay by me and keep me safe!

I don't know what there is after death , but it makes me feel closer to him & calmer.

Hope this helps, .