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More anxiety

It is eating me alive. I have never been so scared and tired and in pain in my life. It is so hard to live life feeling like I will just keel over and drop dead any second, and have doctors tell me there is nothing wrong with me because of the horrible "SHE HAS ANXIETY SHE'S JUST IMAGINING EVERYTHING" flashing sign that is apparently hanging over my head. Of course, I have anxiety. I have anxiety about silly little things and health anxiety. But I am genuinely concerned about my health and no one will take me seriously.

My stomach/gastro system has been wrong for 2 months now. 2 MONTHS. If that bloody anxiety thing wasn't hanging over my head I'm sure things would be speeding up with trying to sort it. Fair enough tests have been done. Bloods have come back clear and currently waiting on sample (gross) results. But I am in pain EVERYTIME I eat. And sometimes it extends past that. Feelings of nausea as well.

To add to that the weird sensations EVERYWHERE. The tingling and pains in my feet and hands. Up my arm. The pains in my chest. The heart that feels like it has engorged and every beat shakes my body. The headaches and light-headedness. The inability to breathe. The ringing and pain in my ears.

The anxiety is making me scared to take the propanolol that COULD make me feel better. What sort of fucked up illness is this? An illness that stops me from taking the pills that might help me.

But even if tests are clear they could have missed something. I don't feel right.

I don't know if I'm going crazy or if there is genuinely something physically wrong with me. Something is not right and I am terrified and I feel alone. The fear of death engulfs me. The fear of being on my own because what if something does happen to me? I am so so scared.

This was more of a rant and a release than anything else. I needed to write this and cry because everyone around me is so busy and stressed and tired of me with my imaginary ailments that, in my head, CANNOT BE IMAGINARY.

I don't know where this has come from, or how I can fix it, or how I can cope for much longer. I don't want to be me anymore.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there,

    I'm sorry to hear what your going through.

    It sounds like you have tried everything by going to see the doctor and getting them to check you out and nothing has been done to help you.

    You said your waiting back on the gross results. What is the gross test result about? Is that another blood test aswell?

    When you next see your doctor could you mention about the pains your having? That your constantly in pain all the time, have headaches and feel sick and if there's anything they could do to help you.

    You shouldn't give up on the fact that no one is helping you and you have every right to keep persisting untill they can advice you on something to do.

    Also the medication your suppose to be taking for the anxiety. Why do you feel you can't take it? Are you not getting on with it?

    I see the common problem is the anxiety what's getting in the way of it all and its no wonder that it's taking over your life because other problems what's there but you said you cant see it.

    Have you tried anything for yourself to decrease your anxiety at all? This could be taking up running, reading a book, listening to music or talking to a friend.

    I'm not sure if this will be any help but I believe taking up some sort of voluntary work can help to reduce your anxiety in meeting new people, taking up something you enjoy and also it makes you feel like you have done something good for someone else by giving back to the community.

    There's a couple of websites you might want to have a look at if you want to consider taking up some sort of voluntary work in the future.

    www.beinspired. org. uk

    or

    www.doit. org.uk

    However in the mean time please keep reaching out to us x

    PS, you might want to have a look at this website to which can give you tips and advice on how to cope with anxiety.

    www.anxietyuk. org.uk
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Noob Posts: 876
    Thanks for the reply :)

    No it wasn't blood tests it was stool and urine samples to try and determine my gastro issues -.-

    I mentioned all the pains on my last visit and he just put it all down to the anxiety. He said he'll treat anything further after the anxiety stuff has kicked in if any pain is still hanging around.

    My anxiety is making me scared of taking it. I know they're only beta blockers but I'm scared of side effects or something going wrong. My mum doesn't help when she's not keen on me taking them either.

    The anxiety just appears whenever it fancies it, even when I'm trying to distract myself. I went to the gym the other day but my chest pain has been worse since so it's putting me off going again tbh. I'm also exhausted all the time so my drive is close to 0.

    I have no real time for voluntary work. I've just finished first year at uni but I'll be going into fulltime work soon.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Annaaarrr - good to see you :)

    Sorry to hear that you're really suffering with your anxiety at the moment in relation to your health.

    I wonder what you do to unwind and relax? It sounds like you could really do with some breathing space and some relief from all these racing thoughts, even if it's just for a short time. It might be going for a walk with your music on, having a long shower, a cup of tea with a friend, your favourite tv show - what are you doing each day for you? Or what could you be doing to really look after yourself?

    This article has some ideas on things that you can do for yourself that might help you to cope too: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/anxiety-ocd-and-phobias/help-me-with-my-anxiety-5601.html

    If you would consider calling a helpline you could also try No Panic - they're open from 10am - 10pm everyday and could be worth having in your phone for those moments when you feel really wound up. They recently opened a chat room too which could be worth checking out, it's open between 7pm and 9pm on Saturday, Sunday, Monday & Tuesday. I haven't tried it yet so if you do give it a go, let us know how you get on.

    You mention you're looking to your mum for support but she's not really helping - have you tried talking to her at a time when you're both feeling calm about what you really need from her? Or, is there anyone else you feel able to talk to, a friend maybe? You mentioned that you're not sure what's triggered this recent anxiety and I wonder if that's worth thinking about a bit more - have there been any big changes in your life recently or things on your mind? Any more stress than usual?

    Let us know how you're getting on *hug*
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Noob Posts: 876
    UPDATE

    So sorry it's taken so long to get back and reply.

    So ALL of my tests have come back completely normal. So shocked by this.

    I'm currently on the waiting list to start CBT which I'm really looking forward to starting. I've never gone for any kind of talking therapy before, never thought it could help me in previous issues with depression, but I feel it could really help with my anxiety.

    I'm still in pain; chest, arms, legs, hands, feet, head, ears etc. Just sharp pains everywhere. My gastro system certainly doesn't feel right either. But I'm just muddling on. A doctor won't help so I'm living in hope that it's anxiety and if it's not that if I do suddenly drop, someone can help me.

    When I think back it's difficult to remember any anxiety or symptoms when I've been busy or distracted, so it seems like it is all anxiety but yeah.

    Thank you all
  • Danny!Danny! mod Posts: 560 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hi Annaarrr, sorry you're in so much pain - I know it can be really worrying not knowing what's going on. Has the doctor who ordered all the tests said that they can't help any further now that they've come back clear?

    Also, have you tried keeping a food/eating diary? I just wondered whether you could find any patterns that way.

    That's good news about the CBT :)
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Noob Posts: 876
    He just wanted to give me things to settle the stomach but he was so adamant it was underlying anxiety causing it all I didn't wanna take anything unnecessarily.

    I haven't tried, I've thought about it but always palmed it off. Thinking about it, it wouldn't surprise me if I'm eating shit I shouldn't be and it's making me ill. Likely to be something screamingly and embarrassingly obvious with me. I might give that a try over the next few days.
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