Why am I never cut any slack for doing or saying things I never knew was wrong?

Former Member

1. Not to ask too much detail of ppl's personal lives.
2. When they do share these details, not to share it with 3rd party.
3. Treat ppl based on your relationship to them instead of treating everyone I meet like BFF
4. At work, not to wait for ppl to go to lunch with them. May however, join them at their table in breakroom.
5. Match emotional tone of conversational partners.
6. You can ask friends certain thing but not someone you barely knew
7. not to just walk up to someone and ask personal question(s) w/o surrounding conversation
8. knowing what comment is on topic and what isn't.
9. knowing when you're interrupting a conversation vs. joining one

Those are advance social rules that I learned last year. Yet, ppl never believed me when I explained I didn't know at that time. And there are things I'm still working on.

1. understanding what ppl just said to me and making myself understood.
2. Not making simple comments that is obvious to everyone. Ditto for asking simple questions
3. not making weird comments
4. not being loud all the time

And I still get penelized for these! How could I get ppl to believe me when I say I didn't know?

Former Member

Those things you listed are things you really should have learnt years ago. That's your problem - people don't believe you because it's stuff that as far as they're concerned, you should know those things.

Former Member

I don't think that advice is very helpful Melian.

I'm sorry to hear that Jane. I know there are people who expect too much and its not ur fault that they do.

You should surround urself with people who care about u and not those who expect too much from you.

Remember were here if you wanna talk

Crazy Cat x

Former Member

CrazyCat wrote: »

I don't think that advice is very helpful Melian.

She's kinda right though..
Maybe the reason you're not cut any slack is because they're something everybody knows, I get that you may have only just learnt them, but you're expected to know them which is why you're not getting cut any slack


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Former Member

Thx everyone. The top list on my post is what I mastered. The bottom list is what I'm still working on. I mean, if they're all on topic, how do you know which comments are weird and which ones are not? For instance, a coworker said she'll be throwing away a blouse bc it has holes in them.
Me: why not just sew them?
Her: too much work. It had outlived its useful life.
Me: and now it's headed to shirt heaven.

She didn't didn't react negatively, so after almost a year, I just now found out that was weird comment. My counselor told me.

Former Member

You haven't done or said anything wrong.

Just surrounded urself with people who care about u and not those who dont.

I'm here if u wanna talk

x

Former Member

You have to remember that in some situations, it's really not ok to say some things. I had this discussion with a friend a few months ago. He said something to me and depending on how you take it, it's rather offensive. I took it that way and he explained what he really meant. He then said that a) he thought that he knew me well enough that he could get away with it and b) you can't go around saying things like that to strangers.

You have to be really careful what you say to some people.