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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

My boyfriend keeps trying to get me to sext him. But the thing is never know what to say and it just makes me uncomfortable.

How can I tell him this?

Also generally what is your opinion on sexting?


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sexting is very common and absolutely fine if you're both in agreement on what you're doing. In other words, I think you should be on the same page as to whether or not you're saving what you send, deleting it once you're done, whether or not it's kept secret or if you can talk about it freely, etc etc. Of course, also, be safe and sure not to send your bits and bobs to the wrong person. ;)

    Moreover, you really need to communicate with your partner; tell him how you feel, make sure you're both doing it because you want to and not because you feel you have to, and if you are going to sext each other, don't be afraid to tell each other what you like and what you want to do. The more open you are, the easier you'll find it.

    With regards of how to tell him - that's completely up to you. You could slip it in to conversation next time the subject comes up, perhaps? Maybe just tell him you're unsure on what to do and sometimes you feel uncomfortable? Don't be afraid to tell him exactly what you're feeling. If he loves you, he'll more than understand. There's also a chance he might be feeling a bit of what you're feeling as well! Really try to be open and honest with each other. That's a massive part of any relationship. You'll find things much easier going once you are. :)
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    SarahRSarahR Posts: 213 Trailblazer
    Hi mhari

    Welcome to TheSite :) It sounds like you're feeling unsure about sexting with your boyfriend. Sexting can be a fun way to connect with a partner, however there are risks involved. Petrichor is right that you both need to be on the same page with any kind of sexual activity - if it's something you're not comfortable with, it's OK to tell him.

    It's worth bearing in mind that there are legal issues around some forms of sexting which I'll explain here: If you are under the age of 16, sending each other sexy messages counts as sexual activity between minors which is illegal in UK law. If you are under the age of 18, sending a sexy image of yourself to a partner is also breaking the law. There's more information about this in our Age of Consent article.

    If you're both above the age of 18, then you don't have anything to worry about from a legal standpoint. However, there are a few other risks involved in sending sexy messages and/or pictures. There's no guarantee what will happen to the messages or images once you send them - once it's been sent, you can't get it back again. Trusting each other is essential, however sexy messages can stay on people's phones or computers for a long time afterwards and could end up in the wrong hands. It's a good idea to consider whether you feel comfortable with that risk.

    If you feel completely comfortable with your boyfriend and want to try sexting but feel shy or awkward, it might be a good idea to have a chat face-to-face to discuss your worries. Talking about sex together can help to put you both at ease (with the added bonus that you're both in the same room together rather than in front of your phones!). It's good that you've reached out for support here in the first instance. As Petrichor says above, if your boyfriend respects you, he won't want to make you feel uncomfortable by making you do something you're not sure about.

    I hope this is helpful

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it's a good idea as what was said above that you talk to your boyfriend about how your feeling. The last thing you wanna do is not say anything and go with it when your not happy. You need to speak to to him about it.

    Once you have then both of you will know what to do so if it's carrying on with the sexting then making sure you both do it privately without anyone being around and at a time what suits you, wether you don't carry on then don't think its you as both of you come up with that decision.

    Remember that you have to feel 100% confident in this for it work. I don't know what kind of person you are and no one does but you so thinking about the best way of going about it should be up to you. I'm not sure if this will help but there's a lot of information on sexting on the bbc advice pages and the website is www.bbc.co.uk/advice pages and you can have a look on there to find out more.

    Please try and talk to your bf as soon as possible.

    Crazy Cat x
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