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How to be a good friend?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Within my group of friends there are two people who I thought had always got on very well and they've described each other as their best friend before.

However, recently Friend A (male) went to visit Friend B (female) at university and Friend A was posting on Facebook saying how excited he was to see her. Meanwhile Friend B was posting on tumblr saying he was her "least favourite person in the world" and she really didn't want him to come but she hadn't been able to get out of it. Thing is, he follows her on tumblr and she must know that although she didn't actually use his name in the posts. But the timing of the posts means there's no way she was talking about anyone else.

Like I said, they always got on really well so I don't know what's changed or if it was just one of those friendships that only worked because they were seeing each other every day in school whereas now, they've both gone off to uni. You'd think if there'd been an argument or something that they'd never made up about, he wouldn't be in a place to want to go visit her.

My question is, do I tell Friend A that Friend B is not interested in being friends with him? It's really crap to feel like you've wasted time trying to be friends with people when they simply don't like you so I really don't want to let him continue wasting his time but on the other hand, I don't really want to stir up trouble. It feels like I would be gossiping and spreading harmful rumours even though I just want to protect him. He would be so hurt if he found out and his self-esteem isn't the best so he really doesn't need that.

And if telling him is the right thing to do, how do I go about it without being blunt and making it worse than it already is? And he may want to confront her about it, should I let him do that?

Thanks for listening x


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there, this is difficult situation to be in when you have two close friends you feel strongly about.

    I do think your right that sometimes close frienships can differ apart especially when it comes to either leaving school or going to uni.

    You need to think long and hard about this before you jump in and tell him that this girl doesn't want to be friends with you anymore so in order to be prepared on what the outcome might be you need to answer these questions.....

    Are you sure Friend B doesn't want to be friends with Friend A?

    Do you think Friend B and Friend A only had argument as friends do?

    The reason why I'm asking you to answer these questions is that your 100% sure that what you thought to begin with was true and I think you need to ask those before you think about doing anything else.

    I know you might think well Friend A deserves to know the truth but are you sure that's the truth? I'm not saying your wrong but the last thing you want to happen is to u end up saying something to Friend A which you will later regret if it's wrong.

    The other option is talking to Friend B first just to get an idea for certain that she doesn't want to be friends with him so finding out more from her is another idea. You might want not go so much into so that it doesn't come across as you said stiring or talking behind people's back but to think wether it's your place to tell Friend A that Friend B doesn't like him no more.

    Once you have got more of an idea on what to do then you will be more prepared and know what to say without them getting the impression that your trying to ruin there friendship.

    This could go either way so its best to think about carefully and see wether you need to say something or not so please have a look at this again to be sure.

    I hope that helps x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe you are in fact mistaken that her tumblr post was about him? Do not underestimate the shit people can make up on the spot to get out of hanging with someone they dislike. I would not intervene before you do not have anything more waterproof. Also, if she really dislikes him as she says I think he will catch on to that very quickly.

    Also there is no point in confronting someone over the fact that they don't like you. What are you trying to achieve? Make them like you via an argument? If a person talks shit behind someone's back and puts on a happy face for them there is absolutely nothing you can or should do to get into that person's favor.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You could of just mistaken what was said above that Friend B may of not said in that way but was just saying how she felt.

    That's why you need to think of what your gonna do before you jump in and say something you may regret. You need to think really carefully.

    You can either try and think about what was said before and make up your decision to know tt your 100% sure Friend B doesn't want to friends with Friend A.

    Also you could talk to Friend B without asking to in depth questions so by taking interest and asking her how do you feel or you had any bad days shows that your not going too much of the situation.

    You need to find out before you do anything else

    CrazyCat x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So it turned out that it was a false alarm, her least favourite person in the world was staying over the night before my friend was visiting her. It wasn't him she was blogging about. Sorry for bothering you with something so stupid but thanks to the people who replied for stopping me from doing anything rash x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm glad that you don't need to worry no more, I don't think there was nothing to worry about. You did do the right thing by not going in there straight away to tell Friend A that Friend B doesn't want you to be her friend.

    How did you find out it wasn't Friend A she was talking about?

    You must of found out when your friend of yours and hers was sleeping over. That was what you said I think from above.

    I hope that you and your friends are ok now and things have sorted its self out. Did Friend B speak to her best friend about how she felt?

    I'm here if you wanna talk x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    CrazyCat wrote: »
    How did you find out it wasn't Friend A she was talking about?

    Basically, she blogged about her least favourite person staying over one night then the next day, Friend A posted about visiting her so I assumed the two were connected. But then that same day, Friend B blogged saying that she had someone else staying over for a couple of days and then a couple of days later, Friend A posted about leaving where she lives which means he was the "someone else" instead of the "least favourite person in the world"... Don't know if I've explained it very well or made much sense but yeah, that's what happened
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I see how you made that assumption now. Does make a lot of sense now that you have explained more clearly about the situation.

    They both saw each other in that short space of time and as Friend A stayed at Friend B but was somewhere else after that leaving his other friends house so basicly he was at Friend B house but was staying over at his friends house after who wasn't his least favourite as it was Friends B, that's why you got confused. I think that's right, I don't know.

    That's an easy mistake to make as anyone would of thought the same. It's strange how Friend A was staying at two places in that short space of time lol.

    I know you said the blog went out on that same day but when Friend A left Friend B house so I can see why Friend B was being discrete but I think she shouldn't of put that up on Twitter or Facebook whatever that is.

    Maybe it was Friend B thought in the end because it was all started with that blog.

    CrazyCat x
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