What would you NEVER want your boyfriend/girlfriend to know about?

Former Member

Honesty and openness can be really important in relationships. They can help to form trust, and can bring people closer together.

But, should you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend everything? If not, what would you rather miss out?

I think it would be really interesting to build a list of things that you would never talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend about.

This could be anything - your personal finances, masturbation, fancying other people, how you feel about their family, how many people you've slept with ...

There's no need for a "reasonable" answer here, just whatever you feel!

Former Member

Fancying other people is top of the list for me. Everyone looks at someone else every now and again, appreciates others in some way, shape or form, has their fantasies, whatever it may be; airing these thoughts brings nothing good. Seems to be one of those things that everyone thinks about and perhaps it's best kept thought about. :rolleyes:

Former Member

Yeah, I can't see any point in talking about who you fancy.

Former Member

My partner sometimes browses thesite, so if i put on here...she'd find out

Former Member

I would say masturbation would be first in my list. I dont like discussing anything from what I use to do with my other partners or what turns me on. Just find it uncomfortable.

Former Member

Personally, I don't think anything should be off limits- open and honest communication is an important aspect of a relationship, even if some of the things you hear will be uncomfortable and heard to hear. Keeping secrets often leads to distrust and resentment, particularly if either party has had issues with dishonest partners in the past.

Former Member

We don't talk about who we might fancy, but we don't no talk about it either- celebrities are fine but its not something that comes up in conversation! Otherwise everything else, we have no secrets!

Former Member

I think over time we've pretty much broken down any things we might not originally have talked about.
I suppose we've never really talked about previous partners because it never felt relevant!

Former Member

plugitin wrote: »

I think over time we've pretty much broken down any things we might not originally have talked about.
I suppose we've never really talked about previous partners because it never felt relevant!

The idea of what's relevant is interesting here, Kate. Maybe that's the difference between being helpfully open and honest, and just telling a partner everything?

How would everyone deal with it if there's a difference between what you and your boyfriends/girlfriend/partner want? So maybe they want the freedom to talk about who they fancy, but you find it difficult to hear? Or maybe you want to talk about your exes, but your partner says it's a no-go topic?

Former Member

CrazyCat wrote: »

I would say masturbation would be first in my list. I dont like discussing anything from what I use to do with my other partners or what turns me on. Just find it uncomfortable.

Masturbation can be a really personal thing and it's totally fine to keep that private. In terms of sharing what turns you on - is that something that you find hard more generally - even when it relates to having sex with someone, not just masturbation?

Former Member

Danny! wrote: »

How would everyone deal with it if there's a difference between what you and your boyfriends/girlfriend/partner want? So maybe they want the freedom to talk about who they fancy, but you find it difficult to hear? Or maybe you want to talk about your exes, but your partner says it's a no-go topic?

My girlfriend went through a stage of talking a lot about this crush she had on a colleague at work, and it was *really* hard to hear. BUT although I resented hearing about it, I think it's important to talk about things you don't like - relationships aren't just about the rosy things, but the shit things too imo.
It's an expression of how they feel, or the thoughts you have - and to repress that would be wrong (and I feel perhaps invalidating, like you aren't allowed to think about those things).

Former Member

plugitin wrote: »

My girlfriend went through a stage of talking a lot about this crush she had on a colleague at work, and it was *really* hard to hear. BUT although I resented hearing about it, I think it's important to talk about things you don't like - relationships aren't just about the rosy things, but the shit things too imo.
It's an expression of how they feel, or the thoughts you have - and to repress that would be wrong (and I feel perhaps invalidating, like you aren't allowed to think about those things).

I respect the level of honesty that you aim for, that's really impressive. And I agree that it's important to be able to talk about difficult things as well as nice or fun ones.

Do you think it's important that a person can talk to their partner about those things, or just that we have a space to talk about those things to someone?

Former Member

I don't think much should be off-limits. There's stuff we don't talk about, but it isn't a case of us delibterately not talking about it.

The main one is probably who we've slept with in the past. Numbers, yeah, to an extent, but not specifics.