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Getting fuck buddies
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I would very much like to have fuck buddies; that situation would suit me perfectly. This sex-positive, non-judgmental site's article entitled fuck buddies does not give any clue about how to establish such a situation in the first place. Where can I find girls who want fuck buddies and how do I raise the subject with them? I think it highly likely that asking a girl to be my fuck buddy would result in her slapping my face/throwing her drink over me etc.
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I am going to make this perfectly clear:
1) Start treating women with respect.
2) Women are human - we have emotions, rights and are entitled to being treated as equals.
3) As has been said many times before, sex will not solve your problems. There isn't going to be a great epiphany once you're no longer a virgin. You will still be the same thoughtless and disrespectful person.
4) You have a number of issues that need addressing: you are in denial about this and until you can see this, you're not going anywhere.
5) Thesite.org and YouthNet are not going to encourage someone to go out and treat women like meat.
6) There is a difference between being sex positive and being a domineering, insensitive, disrespectful tool.
You are not taking on board what has been said to you in previous threads. This is because you're not being told what you want to here. No one here is going to say that it's okay approach a women and ask for sex because the males of this forum have this thing called respect. I keep using that word, for the simple fact it's something you're seriously lacking. The members of this forum have varied upbringings, including experiencing sexual assault or abuse, me included. For that reason alone I find your attitude vile, for the reason that you're not better than the men who abuse women.
Sort it out, understand how TheSite.org work or press the red X in the right hand corner of your screen and stop offending people.
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They clearly approve of fuck buddies (their article entitled fuck buddies states the advantages of them) and that's what I want. Hence I'm in the right place. I want fuck buddies and want to know how to acquire them. That's a perfectly valid query on a sex-positive site.
I'm nothing like the predators who do things such as rape their stepchildren. I've never assaulted anyone. The fact that some people have been targeted by violent sadists and paedophiles does not mean that there's anything wrong with having and wanting to have frequent, consensual sex.
Wanting fuck buddies is consistent with being sex-positive. I'm not domineering; I prefer extroverted, tarty girls with high sex drives. I would love it if they'd approach me, chat me up and seduce me. However, I'm aware that most girls won't do this even if I looked like Brad Pitt. Hence the burden of approaching, chatting up and seducing is on me, simply because I'm male.
First up, thanks for being so receptive to us mods and our suggestions.
It's great to see that each thread has started with a slightly different approach to the last one. I can see that you're trying to adjust the questions you ask. Having said that, it feels like there's a risk of this thread ending up the same way.
I think it might be helpful to explore why this keeps happening.
Here at TheSite, we tend to approach issues holistically. By that I mean we don't just attempt to address the issue presented, but also delve beneath its surface to better understand where someone is coming from and how we can support them most effectively. In this case, people have picked up on a sense that there's perhaps something behind your question worth exploring. The questions about your childhood and experience with a girl who you feel used you for money would seem to demonstrate this. I suppose this is possibly similar to your experience with Relate.
That's not to say anyone is withholding information. Having read through all 3 previous threads, the consensus here seems to be that there is no straight forward answer to your question and it's perhaps not something we're set up to help with as a community. While everyone seems keen to offer support, our focus will inevitably be on issues we percieve to be under the surface.
In short it feels like there's a certain incompatibility in approach here, which is why each thread follows a similar pattern.
So there are two options.
1. Accept and work with our approach. Try to understand that people are trying to help, but that our approach is different. While it might feel like other areas of discussion (e.g. your childhood) are irrelevent, such conversations would help us understand you better and might potentially lead to useful insights for you.
2. If option 1 doesn't sound do-able, it's probably worth seeking an alternative place to ask this question. It's been established that this community can't offer you the answer you're currently looking for.
What do you think?
I feel that my childhood is irrelevant. However, I'm willing to talk about it here if that helps anyone to help me and/or if that's the way things are done here. Anyone is welcome to ask me questions about my childhood (or any other aspect of my life) and I'll answer honestly. I'm willing to co-operate with people here in order to work towards improving my situation. I don't hold a grudge against anyone here. I agree to follow option 1 and to answer any questions that are put to me here.
One of the members on the last thread I started said on there that he has had many fuck buddies. Therefore, he knows how to get them. The fact that this sex-positive site has a non-judgmental article entitled fuck buddies means that it must be a valid topic of conversation here and that asking about how to establish such a situation is not offensive.
As with many autistic people, I have a direct, straightforward way of speaking, which is seen as blunt. I don't intend to offend anyone. I've never been able to employ tact; when I've tried, I've been misinterpreted.
I don't believe that I've broken any site rules.
If there's a better place than here to ask how to get fuck buddies, please tell me about it.
Thanks for your response.
A couple of quick points:
First of all, you're right that the subject of 'fuck buddies' is a valid topic of conversation here. However, the article is principally addressed to people who find themselves in that situation (or are having to decide whether or not that's what they want). As such, both the article and the discussions we encourage are on the relationship elements of having a 'fuck buddy' (not on how to get one). In terms of other places, you might find the Good Men Project a useful place, particularly the article: On women and casual sex.
Secondly, I understand that you don't intend to offend anyone and that your autism means you have a very direct way of speaking. At the same time, please remember that intention doesn't determine how offensive words can be.
Here's what I propose:
1. I'll close this thread for the reason I stated above: this community can't offer you the answer you're currently looking for (how to find a fuck buddy). It's worth bearing in mind that this is highly unlikely to change.
2. If you like, you can start a thread about the other issues that came out of the previous threads. Either your childhood and/or your negative experience with the woman you mentioned in your last thread. It would be good to give the thread a focus. While it would help us understand you, it should also be something you'll find useful/interesting/insightful. It's clear that you've been hurt by a number of past experiences. I understand that talking through them might be painful, but some people ultimately find it constructive and find ways to come to terms with things. It's a very personal thing, so please don't feel pressured to discuss anything you find uncomfortable.
Does that sound okay?
Sounds like to me you may need longer term support which you mentioned already from your thread above what I can understand completely and I'm sorry that you haven't been getting anywhere with that support.
You seem to have done all the right things by going to your GP and seeking counselling but it looks like seeking That help hasn't worked for you. Again that can be for any reason to why the one to one support hasn't helped.
This is difficult for anyone to go through what you are going through and only someone what has been through you have been through can understand only not many people on how know what your issues are what can be difficult for anyone to try and help you.
I do think you know what the problems are but it's just getting that right help for you. You wanna make sure your clear on the problems you may have when it comes to explaining to someone else. Especially to those on here who don't know what the exact problems are.
In terms of getting help and support I do think you may still need to look at other options because there is support out there but just need to find the right one. Some people might find talking to their GP is helpful, seeking counselling, attending support groups, taking up a hobby or interest, volunteering, just talking to someone on the phone or want someone to just be there for them. You have to look at the sort of help which your looking for first, then find a organisation or support service what might help, see wether the help and support is useful to you and then decide if it's helped.
Really you need to take the first step in accessing help, take the second step in recieving the help and take the third step wether you want to continue with the help. This is just an example when someone needs support and help.
Once you have put these actions in place then you will find talking to someone more easier and more helpful. Just putting this into practice and everything else will come later.
I'm not sure going back to seeing the doctor or counsellor would be good for the time being, it maybe as I said before that looking at other options is something you should consider before you think about doing anything else.
However, you should still come on here for support because we are here for you and can support and help you on this journey.
Please look at these websites I have given you in the meantime, there's one which might be beneficial for you.
www.2knowmyself.com
www.getagreatgirl.com
www.sexaddictsuk.com
I hope that helps you to try and understand a bit more about your situation and put that in practice next time your out.
Let me know what you think of those websites,
Thank you.