Friends with benefits

Former Member

My boyfriend broke up with me about 3 months and I was heart broken. However over time things got better and I even started talking to him again. We started to get on really well.
But now he has suggested to me if we could have sex again but to not be in a relationship. I'm not sure what to do. I would like to do this. Not because I still have feelings for him but I'm still scared I'll get hurt again.
Anyone got any advice or a similar experience?

Former Member

Do not do this with an ex boyfriend, especially when you were the one broken up with and miserable about it. You might think now that you can handle it, but the odds are against you. People get crushes on their FWBs all the time, soon enough you will remember all and only the good things of your past relationship, you will fall for him again and you will keep going for as long as possible in the hope things get back like the used to, but they won't. He does not care about you anymore (otherwise he would try to get back with you again), but he knows that it is easiest to get his rocks off with you.

He will get the most out of it, before you cannot do it anymore and try to repair things, which is when you throws you in the dumpster.

This will hurt you profoundly, show some far sight and let it not come so far.

Former Member

Girl, I have like no experience with sex of any kind, heck, I'm not even the age of it yet but from what you've posted you'd be an absolute loon to go back to him, even if only in a strictly "beneficial" way. Don't go back there, You're better than him so tell him you "never want to be near his tiny dick" again even if that's not exactly true just say it. Think for yourself, don't let lust cloud you're judgement x "quote" - idea by Holly bourne

Former Member

The same answer to your question erinabi45, you shouldn't go back to him as he dumped you for a reason and because he didn't want to commit with you doesn't mean from now on he can take advantage of you when there isn't a relationship still there and you don't own him nothing.

I think now that your not with him, that you got to move on and think about yourself. Your not gonna move on if you still think you and him stand a chance with each other as that wont happen. You need time for yourself after you have finished with someone so you can get back to being you.

I wouldn't text him, call him or anything. That will makes things worse and I would just leave it and I wouldn't message him back when he asked you if he wanted friends with benefits because showing him that you have moved on from him and he still wanting you will prove that you are over him now.

Please spend time with the people that do care like your friends and family. They will be here for you no matter what and think about yourself two by doing more things in your spare time from joining a club or treating yourself. I think that your friends will be there and be able to do those things with you and your family can be there to support you.

I hope that helps xx

Former Member

talking_vegetable wrote: »

"never want to be near his tiny dick" again

Except, don't do this. You gain exactly nothing of it. If you need to belittle someone to feel better about yourself then you have a lot of growing up to do.

Former Member

Hello Erinabi,

Thanks for getting in touch. I have to agree with the other posters - it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. You say that when he broke up with you, you were heartbroken and that this was just three months ago. Although you think that you don't have feelings for him now, you did say you're scared of being hurt again, which suggests you could still have some feelings for him hidden away.

Getting over the end of a relationship can be a slow and painful process, so when that person comes back into your life, it's hard to ignore them. However, it sounds like you've made some real progress in dealing with your feelings after the break up and having a 'friends with benefits' situation could take you back to square one.

Also, this sounds like it could all be on his terms, he's decided he'd like to have sex with you but he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. It doesn't seem like he's giving you much say on this. It's important that you focus on yourself and what will be best for you in the long run, even if it means letting him down.

You know yourself the best so trust your instincts - you're scared of getting hurt again, which indicates it's likely you would get hurt again if you agreed to no strings attached sex with your ex. Try to look ahead to your future instead of back on your past; he had his chance with you and chose to end the relationship, so he has to live with that decision now.

I hope this helps and good luck!

Former Member

You do need to look in the future and not live in the past as the other poster just said. There is a lot out there for u to go and see so thinking having a future with him and sharing that adventure with him isn't likely because he wanted to not be with you anymore.

Once he is out of your life for good without looking back then u can move on and start looking forward to the future. It seems like you are moving on already which is good though I don't think u should ask yourself what if no more. You know he's not the one for u and he doesn't deserve u as everyone has said.

I think you got a lot to look forward to. That's why spending more time with friends and family will help u do that, then when you have forgotten about him totallly there maybe someone out there who likes you for you and won't treat u like that.

Keep moving forward and think about you. We're here if u wanna talk x

Former Member

Or you could say it because he's an ass and deserves it

Former Member

talking_vegetable wrote: »

Or you could say it because he's an ass and deserves it

For breaking up with someone?

Former Member

Hi everyone

You're right. I should definitely not have sex with him again. If I did I'd just be back to square one. He had his chance with me and he blew it. I have told him that this is not going to happen because I'm the one who is going to get hurt again.

Thank you everyone for the advice and your support xx

Former Member

Hi there, I think you made the right choice. I know we said to not get back with him but you made that step to not get back with him.

I think now you need to look towards the future and not the past and get back to being yourself again. You could do this by seeing friends and having fun, spending time with your family, joining a club or group, focusing on your career or having some you time.

You will feel yourself again and it will take time but you will get there. Everyone has been through it so your not on your own.

There is someone out there for you and they will like you for you.

Remember were here if you wanna talk x