Help me, I'm dead? *Triggering content*

Former Member

Hi, my name's Jade and I'm 14. Mental illness seems to kind of plague my family tbh, anxiety, depression, adhd, schizophrenia, suicides, you name it.
I got diagnosed with depression about 3 years ago now, and I am at a constant low. I've had problems with self harm, alcohol, suicide attempts, etc. I don't see my therapist anymore because, frankly, I don't like him... But this really isn't what I want to talk about.

A while ago I was in my room just reading my book, and every thing went black. There was metal all around me, all I could see was metallic colours and blood.. I was dying, I don't know why, I hadn't cut at all. But there I was, dying. I didn't care really... I went with it. I closed my eyes and I faded away. And that was my death.

But yet, I woke up the next day, in my bed, perfectly fine... But I'm not, am I? I'm still freaking dead, I know it. Nothing feels right since I died and everything is fuzzy and doesn't make sense. My theory is that my body died, but then what happens to your mind, hmm? Your mind lives on, it lives on in your memories while your body is dead. So, none of this is real you know? This is all a part of my mind! None of this is real, everything anyone ever says to me is just something my mind is saying. I can't cope. I know that killing myself will make no difference because this cycle will continue until I 'die' of old age, and then my mind will be at rest.

I can't trust anyone and I don't feel attachment to anybody anymore, now that I know they're not real in this world in my head.
I don't know what's going on, I'm not crazy, I can just see the truth that no one will admit... Because they're not there... I'm all alone. I'm dead. I died. I'm a decaying mind in this body that doesn't even exist... Fml

Former Member

Hi there, I dont understand what ur going through right now but can help.

You seem to be dealing with a lot of negative and sucidual thoughts. These thoughts can suddenly appear at anytime but it may not always happen at the same and the same place. This can happen so quickly and suddenly.

The only way this can go away is if u make the first step by speaking to someone. This takes time and encouragement but once u have spoken to someone these thoughts might not go away just yet as its a slow process though in time it will. Have u thought about getting any counselling? You may find it helpful and it can get easier.

I know this maybe hard for u but it doesn't have to be. Trying to talk to someone can help at first with having support from them. This can only happen if u want the help and in time u will know if u do. It's always good to try and open up to if I can.

What do u do in ur spare time? You could try and do things that u enjoy from watching a film, listening to music, reading, cooking, seeing friend and family. This can help u try and take ur mind off things for the time being. What about taking up a hobby or interest? That might be good idea.

If u ever need to talk to someone then there's always The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90. They are open 24 hours a day and 7 days a week and are a listening service.

x

Former Member

It sounds like you could be suffering from what is known as the "cotard delusion" where an individual genuinely believes they're dead, yet are obviously still alive. This is obviously an incredibly distressing experience and is something you should speak to a doctor about. You said you were seeing a therapist but stopped going 'cause you don't get on with him- could you perhaps ask to be seen by a different therapist who may be able to better help you? You don't have to suffer in silence, and obviously we're here to support you as best as we can but this may need more in depth support than what we can provide. I hope you feel like you can reach out to someone soon, please take care of yourself.

Former Member

Hi there Jade and welcome to TheSite,

As Nietzsche says, it sounds like you're experiencing something incredibly vivid, confusing and powerful and we would recommend that you speak to your doctor about these feelings as soon as you can. We're not mental health professionals here and whilst we can certainly listen and support you, it does sound like you would benefit from talking to someone that can really get to grips with what you're experiencing and give you the support that you deserve.

Given that you're 14 we would recommend Childline as a first step as well. They are set up to talk to people of your age and you can talk 1-2-1 to an online counsellor. Just having that outlet right now could be a really important thing for you.

Here at TheSite we can only offer support in a group environment. We can be here to listen to your thoughts and feelings and to offer suggestions for support but in terms of managing these intense emotions, you're going to need to look to a professional.

I also just wanted to let you know that I took a few bits of the graphic detail out of your post. We do this to protect others that may be reading.

Take care of yourself and do let us know how you're getting on *hug*