Should couples stay together for the sake of their family?

Former Member

I stumbled upon this very interesting article about married couples staying together for the sake of their children, even though they'd lost that loving feeling. The couples featured in the article speak about the benefits and importance of not divorcing, even though you're not in love with your husband/wife anymore.

The basic idea of it is raising your children together as a loving and respectful partnership minus the sex and romance. You may no longer be 'in love' with the person you married but you're sticking at it so your children can have a happy and stable upbringing.

I know some of you are in relationships/marriages with children and some of you may have experienced the divorce of your own parents, so I'd like to know what you think of this idea. Is it better for children if their parents stay together to raise them, even if they've fallen out of love? Would you stay with a partner that you no longer loved for the sake of your kids? Would problems arise if either of you met someone else? Or perhaps it would stop you from moving on an meeting new partners. Let me know your thoughts!:chin:

Former Member

I don't think people should simply stay together for the sake of the kids, especially if the relationship was bad. It's horrible for children to witness the constant arguments, all the fighting. I think staying together for the sake of the kids is actually worse than getting a divorce. Plus, if they do meet someone else, but they're still acting together for the sake of the kids, if the kids see their parent with someone else because their not being as careful as they think they are it can really hurt the child and leave them questioning telling their other parent and risk ruining their parents marriage, or letting it eat away at them knowing that their parent is cheating as far as their concerned

At least with a divorce both parents can actually move on properly and have their own lives. The children would still have both parents in their lives and they'd still be happy

Former Member

It's unfair on the children

Former Member

Hi Row, I don't have kids or married in any way but this topic as u said is interesting and is great to learn for the future.

I do think eventhough as I said I don't have kids or married in anyway that I don't think a couple should remain together just for the sake of the kids. That may sound a bit harsh to say that but if they arnt no longer in love and argue with each other all the time then how does that help with them being there for the kids?

Kids arnt stupid to know when there mum and dad has had an argument. They see things and hear things all the time so pretending that everything is ok doesn't help things when not only this will happen again but what this will end up doing to the kids.

I believe that a kid should have both parents in there life from a young age but thats not always possible. Again it's being together for the kids sake when u look at everything else going on and its not just about that. I know the kids are the most important who need to come first being in a relationship though we arnt always prepared what could happen.

There are many parents who are single bringing up there own kids and to this day they may think what if I stayed with ur partner for the kids and things things turned at alright. However, everything happens for a reason as they say so wouldnt it make any difference? I dont know.

You can say many single parents wouldn't want to be with anyone right now as that's where they want to be but not saying they wouldn't want to meet anyone else to the the answer to ur question. There's always still a bit of love between couples I believe and u may think there's a chance a previous couple could get back together but when kids are involved u want to do what's best for them so if u haven't been together for a long time I doubt u would get back together when at the time u separated because u u needed to do what's best for the kids but u may meet someone u would feel happy with.

That's what I think is important.

x

Former Member

Worst. Idea. Ever.

Emotional issues between the parents will be felt by the kids and could cause issues with their emotional development. Much better two happy but separate parents than one unhappy couple.

Former Member

I am divorced and have a kid.

I am SO happy we separated.

Our relationship went really bad. I remember arguing over the best way to cut an onion, she was really volatile and I simply could not have a conversation with her because she would never let me finish my sentence before barking at me.

I tried for a couple of years, but in the end decided to leave.

And I am so happy, and I have met the girl of my absolute dreams who is my best friend, lover, dreamer, travel partner, my life is so much better now I am with the right girl.

I say leave a marriage if you are unhappy, you will have a better life out of an unhappy situation.

You may think 'he hasn't even mentioned this from the childs point of view'
But what I would say to that is this PUT YOURSELF FIRST. That is not selfish, but by putting yourself first, you are effectively putting your kid first, because if I am the best that I can be, and I am happy, then I will be the best Dad for my kid, I see him as often as the courts permitted and that is fine.

Theres no good example being set in showing your kid to stay with a unsuitable partner.

Former Member

@localboy I agree completely. That's what I've said. I dont wanna come across as selfish in my own opinion but I do think in the end u would of done what's right for urself and the kids. I'm not saying that to put anyone before urself because I don't really think it's got to with any of that only u have to do what's best.

You could say I don't agree with the parents splitting up when their child is only one or two and that's another debate to have when it comes to it but focusing on what I think wether or not two parents should stay together for the sake of the kids is a no.

I may not have kids or be married in anyway and u could think how would she know what would be best for the kids if I don't have any myself though I do think everyone should be entilled to their own opinion without discrimating what parents with kids think or what non parents without think. Could say its about living in a fair world.

Not sure if anyone else on here is in the same position as me who doesn't have kids or are married in anyway but would like to hear from u x

Former Member

The answer, as always, is: it depends.

There's something for being together but living separate lives, staying together for the kids doesn't need to mean bitterness, anger or resentment. I know couples who have pretty much stayed together for the kids. They like each other but don't have the love anymore, so they agree to get the romantic love and sex outside the family home. It works for them.

The problem with separation is that one parent inevitably has much less contact with the child than the other one, and that's not very nice for anyone. I see my own daughter only once a month, which is partly my doing (having move down south) but her mother moved away too. It is shit, and it's even more shit to find out my ex now has a new partner moving in. Someone else gets to live all the time with my kid whilst I get to see her once a month, for a short weekend. That's really shit.

Former Member

I think even if u stay together there will still be bitterness and anger. You may not need to show it but the kids will pick that up. They may still like each other but it's like wouldn't u think if they did then they would still be together?

That may not be nice for the kids not having two parents there and I agree up to a certain extent that two parents should be together if there child is one or two years old but as this is the question about should two parents stay together for the sake of the kids then I would say no. I feel that u would of done what was right by not being together no more and it maybe hard for the kids to not see there dad or not as much but they would of done what was best.

I know it's not nice to not to see ur kids as much and u know they are far away from u and that can not be easy and even to see ur partner moving on makes it even more difficult for anyone. You said it was her for u but remember that things do happen for a reason so if u two did get back together then do u think it would work out? Your kids will always be ur kids and u have to put them first. No one else can take that away from u.

x

Former Member

Thanks for all the interesting replies so far. I agree that if the relationship is bad, it's worse for children when their parents stay together. Being surrounded by constant arguments and negativity at home when you're growing up can have a real impact on you and could potentially affect how you approach relationships in later life.

But if you've fallen out of love with your partner, but you still care for them, then I can see why some couples might choose to stay together. It could teach their kids about mutual respect and the different phases relationships go through. Also, some people have no choice to stay together because financially, they wouldn't be able to go it alone. So as much as they might realise it's not fair to raise their children in a difficult relationship, it might not be an option to split because they wouldn't have the means as a lone parent to look after their kids.

As Arctic Roll said, a lot of the time, it depends on the individuals' situation.

Former Member

I do agree to an extent that some couples dont have no choice by staying together to pay for rent, finances and the children but don't u think getting a bit of extra support might help them in the long run or finding work? I know it can be difficult for anyone being in that situation but there is helping out there and you won't be on your own.

I know some parents have to stay for the kids as that's how they plan to stay even if they are arguing or not you do want to set a good example for them. It may not be like that forever but I suppose it comes to the fact again that money could play a part of it. Also think having to your kids round from one place to another may not always work for some people so this can also be a problem two.

There will still be love there I know but no matter what happens you have to do what u think is right for the kids. I dont think two parents shouldnt be together for the sake of the kids as it won't be fair on them to see the arguments but then others might want to knowing it will effect there relationship.

It's about people's choice most proberly.