Major Money Issues, could end relationship

Former Member

Hi all, OK I've messed up big time, I have a couple of debts, one for cancelling my insurance policy for my car, which was never paid, amounting to around £700 and a fine I received early last year that I've never paid, again amounting now to around £700, the fine debt, I have had a bailiff round for already and I made a phone call to pay the debt off on pay day this month....which I now don't believe i'm able to do, and I have a company called DLC chasing me for the other debt, first off is there any companies that can help with this amount of debt, because I know there are things I can do for larger amounts......on to my bigger problem, I have an addiction to spending money, (evidently not on paying my debts) I am looking into counselling for this and hope to start soon, I have messed things up big time with my partner, because I have been taking money from her account for the past 6-7 months, up to the total of £2000-£3000 I'm not sure exactly, I told my partner what I had done after she asked me out right, she had suspicions and, when I told her about the debts, I broke down in tears and she asked me if I had taken money from her account to which I said yes, we talked about it and she has now taken her engagement ring off and I'm currently sleeping on the sofa, I know I deserve a lot worse..... I feel sick about what I have done, and I know I have lost all trust which she had for me, and to make matters much worse, she is pregnant with our first child, so not only have I stolen from her, I have stolen from our unborn son......I know I need help to work on my addiction, and I hope that this will help to some way build my relationship back with my partner, along with sorting out my debts, so that I am able to afford to keep a roof over our heads and pay her back too..... another problem..... I was due to start a new job in the next couple of weeks so handed a notice into my current employment, due to complications with a previous employer check I am now waiting for national insurance records to come back to prove where I paid NI from, which could delay the process by over 40 days, I am due to finish at my current employer on Friday 17th April, I have handed a retraction in, but understand they don't have to accept it.

I have gotten myself into a lot of trouble, and don't know what to do or where to start from to sort all of this out......

I hope someone can at least help to point me in the right direction to start from.....

Former Member

Hi there, I'm sorry to hear what ur going through.

I know it's always difficult when u fall out big time with someone close to u and u think it will always be like this. Though this won't be like this forever and I know things will sort its self out in the end and that's true.

You said about u had a problem with spending money in the past. Do u know if u ever went to the doctor and been told u may have Bipolar? You may have Bipolar if u keep spending money all the time for no reason. There are other problems I'm sure apart from that but it could just be linked to that.

You may need to give ur gf time to come round. Its not easy for her to get on as normal because u did go behind her back and taking money from her when it wasn't urs. I know u was in a difficult situation but u got to understand that.

Are u getting any help with managing ur money? If not could u go to the Citzens Advice Bureu? Also u could try The Money Advice Service. You can go on ur website and u will find information and advice about managing ur money and Debt Line. Yh

What about food? You know u could get a referral to go to the food bank if u need help. There are other people who get that and it helps them to get support and help. What do u think about that?

I do think ur gf will come round in the end but takes time. I think u need to go back to the counselling and get help and see doctor about this so u can get help and support by seeing if u have a problem here or not.

Please keep reaching out x

Former Member

Hi Fatpigeon,

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. It seems like you are in a pretty big hole right now. Please know that with the right resources and over time, things will start to look up for you.

I agree with Crazy Cat, it may be a good idea for you to visit the Citizen's advice Bureau. Here is the link

Have you considered using our relationship advice section? The link is here. Our relationship experts can offer you great advice on how to help you and your wife get through the situation together.

Former Member

Hopefully things will start to look up and remember ur not on ur own. I know things are hard at the moment but it won't always be like that.

Look at websites we have given u for urself so u can discuss this with ur partner and both go to the Citizens Advice Bureau and get some legal advice. They will sit down with u and ur partner to provide financial support but ask them wether u can get a referral to the food bank.

I know the money side of things are already enough but more importantly it's about u and ur partners relationship. This is unfortunate that its come down to this only its not the end. Maybe if u and her can arrange to see a relationship counseller in the mean time then hopefully ur relationship will mend its self over time but u need to talk with ur her.

There's these sites u can look up which is called Relate and they are a one to one relationship counselling service and Brook which is also one to one relationship counselling but u can also speak toan adviser by web chat or email.

Please get in touch if u need someone to talk to x

Former Member

Thanks for all the info guys, I went to see a therapist on Tuesday evening and will be working with her to sort out my issues on the "taking money from my partner" and why I felt the need to do it, which has gone some way to help my relationship but I'm a long way from ever getting any kind of trust from her back, we won't be needing the food bank, we both have full time jobs and thankfully I start my new job on Monday so that's one weight off my shoulders at least.

I'll keep you all updated on what's happening, thanks again for everyone's input it is greatly appreciated.