Are casual relationships a stepping-stone to long-term commitments?

Former Member

Recent research has suggested that young people tend to progress towards a single, steady relationship after a series of shorter, more casual relationships. It's thought that the casual relationships in your younger years are a way of 'getting ready' for a longer relationships.

What do you think of this? Is it true or are there many different kinds of relationships during your teens/early twenties? From what I remember, casual relationships weren't everyone's bag - but then again everything which lasted longer than a few months was deemed super-serious at that time, whereas in your thirties it wouldn't be.

But then again maybe I can't really trust my memory because y'know... old.



Are the majority of relationships when you're younger 'casual' and, if so, do they help people prepare for a long-term commitment?

Former Member

Hi Sarah,

Good question.

Personally, the first proper relationship I had turned into my wife, and that ended up failing.

I had not been with another girl before her.

After a couple of years, the excitement wore off, and she changed (I guess I did too)
Also, we were not sexually compatible, she never wanted to give me oral sex, or receive it, and those things were a big fantasy for me which was not good for our relationship.

So it is nice to hear that some people love each other their whole lifes and are perfect for each other, but in most cases, I think its better to have experience under your belt, not just with sex, but other things, how you talk to each other, support each other, inspire each other, encourage each other to succeed, if you have similar interests (if one person loves tv and the other wants to travel, its not good)

So I think if you have some bad experience, then when you meet someone who fills in all the gaps and seems so much better than the rest, you feel really happy, that's how I feel now I have met someone who seems like my perfect match.

My partner has had lots more relationships and been involved in many more type situations than me, but I have to appreciate that all of that what happened before she met me has made her the woman I love, and she is incredible

Former Member

I think teenage relationships are just casual by default from the view point of an adult. There is no job, no shared finances, no living together (therefore no who does which chores), everything is easy breezy and it's rare you need a compromise. When you are older and you have obligations and responsibilities and not so much time for horsing around. They look for different things, look for stability. Teens are often times more selfish (at least I feel like it is, more cheating, more prone to leave your partner straight for someone else) and generally more emotionally volatile, which are horrible traits for a working relationship.

So what I am saying is, that teenagers don't have shorter, more casual relationships because they want to try out and get a feel for what they want, but simply because those relationships are more casual by default. And adults have longer, more stable relationships, not because they had their teenage play ground relationships, but because they are not interested in the volatility that frequent partner change brings with it.

Former Member

I do think its half true and half not true. The reason why I think its half true is because if u start off knowong each other as friends from before wether thats three months into ur friendship or u been friends since u were little then I do believe over time if ur friendship remains strong then its possible those feelings may become stronger.

The other side of this being half not true is not everyone who starts off as friends wont have a long term relationship. I know alot of people who never started off there relationship being a casual fling here and there when it may depend how long they both started talking to each other over time and then already thinking about being in a relationship with each other straight away. This could just be a mutual feeling towards each other. I dont think its true at all about mentioning when u get in ur thirtys ur relationship would be as long if u start a relationship when your young.

I know this might sound cheesy but with all these surveys and sartistics showing that they found out these results thinking it maybe true, why do we care? They could of got this from anywhere only stating that small population said having casual relationship will be better by having ur chances risen to it being more longer term. Its about the person what counts, nothing else. Everyone is different so this survey doesnt know the actual facts about relationships.

Believe what u want to believe but I just think this survey is like any other one u hear what makes up a load of rubbish half the time. Eventhough I said I half agreed and half didnt doesnt mean Im gonna start believing what they got to say.

Dont let this take over ur relationship.

Former Member

localboy wrote: »

My partner has had lots more relationships and been involved in many more type situations than me, but I have to appreciate that all of that what happened before she met me has made her the woman I love, and she is incredible

Love this!

CrazyCat, just wondering if you're in a relationship at the moment?

Former Member

Im seeing someone Helen. Why? Whats wrong?

Former Member

CrazyCat wrote: »

Im seeing someone Helen. Why? Whats wrong?

Nothing wrong at all :-) I was just wondering how the thread relates to your situation...do you feel you're more likely to get into a serious relationship as you get older or do you feel you approach relationships in the same way?