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Am I Gay?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I know this is going to sound bonkers to most people...but I recently took part in a threesome with a girl and another guy. All was good until I started feeling sexual feelings for my male friend. One thing lead to another and him and I ended up having sex in the threesome.

The next morning we felt a bit awkward around each other, but both agreed it was a good laugh. I've never been attracted to males before and I'm still not even after my experience with my friend.

I'm so confused about what I am feeling now and don't know what to do. Help guys?!


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    SarahRSarahR Posts: 213 Trailblazer
    Hi ConfusedMan

    Welcome to TheSite :) It sounds like you're feeling confused about your response to having a threesome with a girl and another guy who is your friend. It sounds as if before the threesome you hadn't considered being attracted to this friend (or any man) before and so your feelings about it are confusing you now that it's happened.

    It sounds positive that you and your friend agreed that the experience was a good laugh after it happened and that you were able to talk about it, even if you felt a bit awkward at the time.

    In terms of how you feel - Deciding who it is you are attracted to can take time and (even when you think you've decided) new experiences can catch you off-guard, so what you're going through is normal. Your sexual preference is not something you have to decide right this minute and it's perfectly OK to see yourself as being predominantly heterosexual, even if you feel attracted to one person who is of the same sex. It's also OK if you think you might be bisexual or bicurious. It's also OK if you think you might be gay, although you have said that you don't feel attracted to males even after this experience with your friend, so this outcome seems unlikely.

    When you say you feel confused about how you're feeling, do you mean you're now feeling you want to pursue something sexual/romantic with your friend? Or is it more that the experience was new and you didn't know how to respond to it? (Either way, it's OK!)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello ConfusedMan,

    Sounds like you found the threesome an exciting experience but I can see why you're feeling confused, since you'd never previously found yourself attracted to men.

    As Sarah said, it's great that you and your friend were able to talk about the threesome afterwards and both agreed it was a laugh. It seems that you've handled the situation well and maturely.

    Also, Sarah is right in saying that if you mostly find yourself attracted to women but you occasionally find yourself fancying men or vice versa or a bit of both that's absolutely fine. I don't think you should worry or feel pressured to label your sexuality, you should choose whoever or whatever makes you feel happy and comfortable.

    You say you're confused by what you feel now - could you give a bit more detail on this pls? Is it that you're feeling that you could have sex with a man again or do you think that as the threesome was recent, you're still trying to process what happened between you and your friend?

    You might find it useful to read this article about questioning and exploring your sexuality.

    Hope this helps and feel free to post again if there's anything else you need help with.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Firstly I don't think this sounds bonkers at all, lots of people have threesomes and have sex with the same sex during the threesomes, so don't be worrying about sound bonkers!

    It sounds like you are worrying an awful lot about how the threesome has left you feeling confused. I think the best thing here is to kind of just go with it, accept yourself as you are right now and don't put pressure on yourself to fit into a sexuality category if you know what I mean?

    Only you will know if this is something you are comfortable with but as you mentioned that things were a bit awkward with your friend in the morning I thought perhaps it might be an idea to have a chat - nothing to serious to begin with, bu perhaps if there is an opportunity to broach the subject with your friend and check out if he is also feeling confused?

    Good Luck with everything, and let us know how you get on.

    Elly :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, you certainly are not straight, but keep in mind that bisexuality does not have to be precisely in the middle of homo- and heterosexuality. It can be that you want to exclusively date women and only see women as romantic prospects, but if you are horny you would not say no to a big, veiny dick. So finding a label for your specific sexuality is not only difficult, because everything that kind of involves attractions to both sexes in any sense falls under the big umbrella of bisexuality, it is also unnecessary. You don't have to define yourself as either that or the other. Just go with what feels right for you (as long as all parties are consenting, needless to be said) and on the offchance it comes ever up in a discussion you want to engage in you can describe what you like and what not.
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