Ex

Former Member

Hey well it been a year now since my ex broke up with me he was my first bf but I have kissed 3 boys in the last year but the thing is everytime I kissed them I just fell so guilty that I shouldn't be doing this and I just start thinking about my ex I miss him so much and I haven't loved anyone els since he broke up with me what if I never get over him I miss. Him like mad and I just can't seem to be happy without a bf it's really hurting me

Former Member

Louise95 wrote: »

I just can't seem to be happy without a bf

That's your problem right here. You define your self-worth through other people. Not through your accomplishments. Happiness can only come from inside. If you like you who are, if you are ok with the choices you make and if you are proud of the achievements you accomplish. You make the mistake of not making your life about you, but about an external factor that you hope brings you happiness. A partner alone never brings you happiness. I am active on other web portals that deal with relationship issues and you wouldn't believe the amount of unhappy people in relationships. Also, for the shit cherry on top: If you are miserable like you are, you are less likely to attract a partner. What you have to do is a fundamental change in how you think. Try your best to live a rich and fulfilling live and interesting people will come into your life by themselves.

Former Member

Thank you for replying to me and I know where you are coming from I'll try my hardest to be happy in my life without a boy I guess am not really happy right now cause everyone one is hating me when I don't know why am going to try out new things to take my mind of stuff guess it just hard cause where ever I go all I see is couples and I just wish that was me with someone there just seem so happy with someone knowing there someone who loves you and cares about you and want to be with you

Former Member

Longing for things we don't have and don't have an easy way to get is a fast lane to disappointment, be it a partner or be it money (seeing people travel the world or have gorgeous homes) or be it a child that gets less for Christmas than his class mates. The key is simply a way of thinking, to be happy with what you have, that there are many people less fortunate that you etc.

A good way to create happiness is with having friends. Being lonesome sucks for the vast majority of people. Idk why everyone hates you and who "everyone" precisely is, but there are a lot of people that are looking for a friend to share their time and or hobbies with. Which brings me to my second point which brings satisfaction: hobbies. Nowadays I feel like fostering hobbies in our children is so passé. Just give them a iPad and they will occupy themselves for hours on end. It is not a fulfilling waste of time though. Go find yourself a hobby, find people with similar interests and you will find friends. Reaching accomplishments and creating nice memories is what life is all about, in my opinion. The quality of life is the sum of the happy moments.

Just to repeat: Happiness is not something that happens to the fortunate. It is something that has to be created by yourself.

Former Member

Thank you for trying to help me out am going to try and find a new hobbie to do and start having fun I'n my life hope I will find good friends long the way

Former Member

Hey Louise :wave:

StrubbleS has brought up some good points about filling your life with activities and experienes that can bring more happiness and satisfaction to you, but that don't involve being in a relationship. Your sadness over the relationship ending is making you focus on how you can make the pain go away by having a boyfriend again or even getting back to together. It's completely natural to feel this way - it's hard to get accustomed to life without a boyfriend and it takes time to recover.

Expressing how you feel about the situation does help by allowing you to explore what you're feeling and the reasons behind that. Do you have any friends that can support you?

As StrubbleS said, spending time with others is a great way to not only distract you from these feelings, but also for building bonds and happy experiences with others.

I notice that you've said that everyone hates you - can you tell me a bit more about who you're referring to and why you think that?

Former Member

Thank you and no one really knows am not over my ex they all think I am but I'f I tell them then they prob think am stupid or something because it been a year now but i just would love having someone there to sit and snuggle up with and to kiss and to know when am sad I can always go to him and he would make me fell better so without having a bf fell like when am sad there no one I can talk to about it and with everyone haiting me well I was friends with a couple of people then one day they change with me and just end up haiting me it hurts and 2 of my ex friends is now bullying me I don't have anyone I can trust now just to much has happene to me but to much to type

Former Member

I think you should go see a therapist. You have a lot of trouble coping with things everyone faces to some degree. I think a therapist could give you the tools so you can work through your baggage.

Former Member

Okay thank you

Former Member

How u getting on

Former Member

Hi Louise, im really to hear what ur going through.

Could spending a bit more time with friends and family help u to move urself away from the situation for now? Maybe organising a girls night in would be good to have people around u who care and ur have lots of fun two.

Maybe trying to focus ur mind on how u feel and what will make u happy will help u get over ur ex slowly. Just making more time for u when u couldnt before is part of looking after urself and showing ur ex ur happy in ur own skin. You just need that bit of confidence.

Your not the first one this has happened two. What ur feeling is completely normal. Yh ur still gonna have feelings for ur ex and u think ur life has ended because of it but there will be someone out there for u one day. I think having some time out for urself right now will make u stronger.

If ur ex texts or calls then try and put on a brave face and dont bother answering him no matter how tempting u might be. Your just gonna feel worse and u deserve a lot better. You seem like a lovely girl and u deserve someone lovely just like urself.

Im here if u wanna talk

Hugs xx

Former Member

Awww thank you this just made me smile and am going to try and move on from him it just hard as I see him everyday at college but I will try and see if I can do a girly night it just annoying cause all my friends has a bf and that all they go on about but I don't want to be rude and ask them not to talk about them but it like when I do meet up with one of my friend she brings her bf with her and she doesn't say he coming as well and it just remind me of my ex and if he dose text me or call me I'll ignore it but tbh he doesn't speak to me at all now we meet up in the holidays and we talked a bit but he only wants to be friends and I still loved him so told him I can't be friends as am getting hurt to much then on fb we started arguing and he said he cant wait to leave college so he won't see me again that really hurt me but anyway am going to start looking after my self and try to make me stonger I just need to find stuff to take my mind of things I think if I had friends I could trust and proper ones I prob would of been over him by now and I hope I find the one one day and thank you for being there for me xxx