Home› Health & Wellbeing
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Trying to fill a void?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
Recently, I've been having this weird feeling of being unsatisfied with everything. It's like there's an itch I can't scratch or like I'm trying to fill this void and nothing's quite doing the job. I usually spend my evenings listening to music and/or watching videos while chatting to one or two people and I'm usually very content with it all; it's normally my favourite time of day.

Now though, not even that feels good or exciting enough. I've tried getting back in to games, scrolled through Netflix and on demand TV countless times, writing, eating/cooking, being sociable; I only have time for very few people at the minute. I just don't seem to want anything any more. At least, I don't seem to like anything I think I want once I've got it. This doesn't even make sense. :confused: My sleeping pattern's fucked as well - I'll probably be awake for 2/3 hours after I post this then sleep in until tomorrow afternoon. But then, I don't know if this is necessarily a bad thing, per se.

It might just be my general sense of purpose/identity that's a bit broken. I came out of a long term relationship 3 months ago, which might have something to do with it but I'm sick of falling back to "oh, must be the breakup". If it's annoying me it must be annoying other people when I say it as well.

Not really sure what I'm expecting in response to this or what I'm actually posting/asking for but I think posting it's helped on its own. Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to reply with something.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member mod Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    Hey Mike

    I don't know if it's helpful to think about this, but I was wondering when I read your post whether the issue is more that you aren't doing things that provide the kind of meaning or purpose that you're looking for, or whether there's some other underlying issues that stop you from enjoying things you're doing.

    People change, and we want different things at different times. So it's quite possible that things that were satisfying you before aren't what you need most at the moment. Is there anything that you've thought about doing that you haven't done and you could get into now? It could be anything - learning and instrument, a martial art, a language, making something ...

    Could it be that something underlying is affecting your enjoyment of other things? I wouldn't discount the breakup - three months isn't necessarily a long time to get over a long term relationship. It's also possible that something happens as you start to get over someone: a relationship, the end part of a relationship, and the immediate fallout from a breakup can all be very consuming - taking up your time, holding your thoughts, giving you aim. As you start to work through a breakup, if you do it thoroughly (dealing with how you're feeling), you might find that it leaves a hole.

    Sleep-wise, the emotional side can be difficult. But there's a more mechanical side that's fairly easy to follow - have you come across the "sleep hygiene" advice before (if so, does it help at all)? These for example come from the Royal College of Psychiatrists site:

    Do's
    • Make sure that your bed and bedroom are comfortable - not too hot, not too cold, not too noisy.
    • Make sure that your mattress supports you properly. If it's too firm, your hips and shoulders are under pressure. If it's too soft, your body sags which is bad for your back. Generally, you should replace your mattress every 10 years to get the best support and comfort.
    • Get some exercise. Don't overdo it, but try some regular swimming or walking. The best time to exercise is in the daytime - particularly late afternoon or early evening. Later than this can disturb your sleep.
    • Take some time to relax properly before going to bed. Some people find aromatherapy helpful.
    • If something is troubling you and there is nothing you can do about it right away, try writing it down before going to bed and then tell yourself to deal with it tomorrow.
    • If you can't sleep, get up and do something relaxing. Read, watch television or listen to quiet music. After a while, you should feel tired enough to go to bed again.

    Don'ts
    • Don't go without sleep for a long time. Go to bed when you feel tired and stick to a routine of getting up at the same time every day, whether you still feel tired or not.
    • Caffeine hangs around in your body for many hours after your last drink of tea or coffee. There are now many fizzy drinks, and even mints, that contain a lot of caffeine. Stop drinking tea or coffee by mid-afternoon. If you want a hot drink in the evening, try something milky or herbal (but check there's no caffeine in it).
    • Don't drink a lot of alcohol. It may help you fall asleep, but you will almost certainly wake up during the night.
    • Don't eat or drink a lot late at night. Try to have your supper early in the evening rather than late.
    • If you've had a bad night, don't sleep in the next day - it will make it harder to get off to sleep the following night.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Danny,

    Thanks for such a good, lengthy response and sorry I took so long to get back!

    You might have a point with me changing and just generally not being satisfied with the things I usually do any more. A pretty big part of me feels like my life should mean much more than it does at the moment - getting up, going to work at a takeaway (knowing I'm not actually doing anyone any good!), coming home, mooching around, generally doing sod all. I know that I do feel better when I'm actually being productive and getting things done. For example, when I did that YN workshop with you guys I felt the best I'd felt in a long, long time. Perhaps I just need to force myself in to doing more with my time. The local youth centre just opened up again and I'm hoping to get involved with them (though they haven't responded to my emails yet), so maybe that will make a difference.
    It's also possible that something happens as you start to get over someone: a relationship, the end part of a relationship, and the immediate fallout from a breakup can all be very consuming - taking up your time, holding your thoughts, giving you aim. As you start to work through a breakup, if you do it thoroughly (dealing with how you're feeling), you might find that it leaves a hole.

    I quite like what you said here, it makes a lot of sense from where I'm sitting. Like even though after the breakup I wasn't exactly feeling great and whatnot, 'dealing with it' was still occupying my time and giving me something to focus on, even if it was negative. Now I guess I'm sort of in that middle place where I'm not really over it, but I'm not focusing on it either. Limbo, perhaps. Now might just be the time I need to get myself out and getting on with things for the rest of it all to get better and move on with my own life.

    I was chatting to someone the other day, too, who pointed out that the breakup happened at a time where I was still trying to find my own identity and who I am; same as when the relationship started a few years ago. I kinda haven't really known myself (in my current form) without my ex. It could just be a case of finding my feet and establishing a more stable identity with purpose, etc on my own - something I haven't really done yet.

    In terms of the sleep thing... I'm yet to try all of those things listed but I will make myself get round to them in the next few days. I worked a 10 hour shift the other day and was asleep by midnight - something that hasn't happened since I don't even know when. Then, the following night I ended up awake until 4 or something ludicrous again. Perhaps I just prefer nights? It seems like I can get up early and go to bed early when I need to, but I don't have that need most of the time so I stay up and do other things with my time instead.

    This turned in to more of a collection of random ramblings and thoughts than a response to your post! I don't necessarily expect a reply to all that guff.

    Thank you again, Danny! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Mike.

    I don't have anything useful to say but I have read what you have said and wanted to offer some *hug*s

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk
  • Former MemberFormer Member mod Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    You're welcome Mike, I'm glad if that helped a bit.
    MikeS wrote: »
    It seems like I can get up early and go to bed early when I need to, but I don't have that need most of the time so I stay up and do other things with my time instead.
    - You might have answered your question there!

    You seem to have a good idea what's going on for you, and what you need to do to move forward, which is really impressive :)
Sign In or Register to comment.