Agoraphobia has put me in a tricky situation

Former Member

Hi, I'm new here. Next week my brother is going away on holiday which means I'll be alone at night which terrifies me, the option to avoid being alone is to go and stay with my mum and her boyfriend which is a 2 hour drive away, plus I don't know her boyfriend and his sons very well and I feel anxious around new people, I won't be able to get home to my 'safe place' if I need to. I don't know what to do, both situations seem horrible so I feel really helpless. Help!

Former Member

Hello midnighthunter :wave:

Welcome to TheSite! Fantastic that you found us - I hope you find the community supportive and helpful :yes:

That sounds like a very tricky situation for you, have you spoken to your brother/mother about your options? Does your mother know how you feel around her partner, or is that something you feel awkward bringing up?

An alternative option could be having a friend coming to stay with you in the evenings, or a couple of friends - during the time your brother is away? It might also be an idea to contact your GP and let them know your fears/concerns - they may be able to suggest some methods of coping for you, that might reassure you.

I hope you find this helpful - if you need some further advice then contacting AnxietyUK could be an idea - they provide email support, run live chats and offer therapy services for people who suffer from anxiety disorders.

You can always post on here too, if you are feeling worried about anything - we will try and help you as much as we can :yippe: x

**helen**

Hey midnighthunter,
Welcome to TheSite :thumb: liking the username!

It's really tough when you're trying to make the best of a situation that you don't really want. From what you've said here, it sounds you are managing your agoraphobia with a really specific routine at the moment and this is being challenged now that your brother is going on holiday.

I guess the question is, right now, are you in a place where you feel there is any willingness from yourself to want to move a little way forward? If there is even an inkling of that willingness, then this opportunity to stay with your mum might be really important for you. But perhaps the key to making it feel like a truly viable option is to plan how it will be - for example, is there a spare room for you there that you will be able to retreat to when you need your own space? And can you talk to your mum to perhaps agree on how things will be. Also, if you did go - and then it didn't feel like you were going to be OK there - then would you be able to just get in your car and drive home? At this point I think it's worth saying that even if you did go and then end up leaving, this would in no way be a failure or a disaster, it would just mean you tested the waters (which would be brave) and then were able to make a decision to turn back if it didn't feel right (self preservation). So essentially - nothing to lose. I know that might be hard to comprehend, but perhaps try to think about it for a little while to let it sink in.

If on the other hand, you feel sure that going to your mum's won't in any way be a pathway to progression for you, then perhaps it would be good to identify what it is that terrifies you about being home alone? Is that something you're able to talk about a little here? It may be that there's a few things you can do to manage your time - and we can support you to think about strategies if we can understand a little more about your fears.

I hope this helps a little and do keep us posted