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relationship anxiety

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been in a relationship now for 5 months. I'm crazy about her, she's beautiful and caring and all I want in a partner. The problem is I'm so incredibly anxious. It's caused noticeable weight loss in me and I'm stressed often. When I'm with her I feel great, when I'm not I'm jealous, incredibly insecure and stressed generally. The trouble is that I'm convinced it's in my head but I'm struggling to cope. I'm convinced guys are after her even though there are no signs other than guys liking her Facebook pics and such. Part of the problem I believe is that she has lots of male friends. Some she has dated previously. Since we started seeing each other we have had an 'open and honest' policy. Shortly after our second date she told me about a sex buddy she had while single. She said it was like a contract almost, when one finds a partner they stop. He is 22 years younger than her. After me and her started dating he got in touch a couple of times to go for coffee. She said no. She told me this.
I should explain that in a previous relationship I acted very badly, I cheated on my girlfriend twice. After it came out we tried working through it but it was always there and the relationship ended. Cut to 4 months later and I met the girl I'm with now. I know how bad I was previously and I've been doing everything to make this work. She knows about my past but says she'll take me as she finds me and unless I wrong her in any way we are good. I don't know if the guilt of what I did is transferring to my new relationship or what.
The problem mainly is that I'm convinced she'll cheat on me. Even though she's never cheated before and I'm the one with the cheating past. I've talked through my anxiety and concerns with her. She says I need to understand it's in my head. I also need to stop stressing as it's affects us both. This weekend she has gone to a festival with friends, male and female. She may have to share a bed with one of them. She doesn't see the problem, "they are just friends and we are clothed". I'm stressed about it obviously.
I worry I'm too short, too plain, not wealthy enough, too old. She's 47 and has been in 2 relationships with guys in their 20s. We even talked about possibly having a child in the near future and quite possibly me lodging with her as it's too soon to live together officially. I'm 43 and living with my parents these last 4 years after my son's mom kept our house. I believe the fact I'm with parents adds to my inadequacy


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    GregGreg Deactivated Posts: 50 Boards Initiate
    Hi Redbadger,

    I'm sorry with what you are going through, it seems like a difficult situation. I understand that you are worried about her cheating because of your past but it is really good that she is giving you the benefit of the doubt and not judging you by your previous relationship.

    It's worth bearing in mind that TheSite is primarily designed for UK people ages 16-25 so you may be able to get better support at Relate and Befrienders Worldwide. If you are in the UK, you can use Relate because they offer great advice and support for people your age but if you are not, you can use Befrienders Worldwide.

    Here is the link to Relate. Here is the link to Befrienders Worldwide.
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