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Over Protective Mothers

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm in quite a predicament here and I need advice on what to do. I have a few ideas on what I should do but I'll get to those at the end. As for the predicament, I'll do it in short notes:
  • I asked out a girl on Saturday who has just turned 15. I am 18.
  • I asked her to make it Facebook Official and her mother saw it and started playing hell with her.
  • I have NO intention to have any form of sexual contact with the girl whatsoever
  • I haven't had a reply from the girl since her mother started kicking off
  • Yesterday, I got a message from her mother (who thinks I'm NEARLY 18 due to the girl lying to her about my own age) saying that if she gets "any whiff of a personal relationship" between me and her she "WILL phone the police"
  • I really like the girl. I'm a very mature lad and I have no intention of mistreating her or doing anything illegal with her.
  • I just want everyone to be happy.

Now I have a few ideas on what I can do, some I don't want to at all but they're still options.
  • Ask my mother to converse with her mother
  • Try to converse with her mother myself. I'm really good at selling myself.
  • Block all contact, leave it at that.

Obviously the last option is a last resort because I really like her and she really really likes me. I just miss her so much and I want her back. If you have any questions regarding the situation please comment and I'll answer them, i might've missed a few bits out.


  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In your shoes I would probably ask my mother what she thinks of this all (if she even has your back) and then decide further. Personally I think this is more trouble than it's worth it and the girl probably thinks that too. She probably favors to waive personal contact with you over a domestic nightmare, which is understandable.

    Also, from the perspective from someone a decade older than you. Teenage crushes appear much more meaningful and groundbreaking than they really are. Try going a month or two without communication with that girl just distracting yourself (i.e. not lying on your couch all day thinking off her) and then see if you actually really care that much about her.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Guzzo, I can understand how ur feeling. Each and every one of us has been through a similar experience to urs ie ur parent dont approve to ur new partner, they wont allow u to have a relationship so young or ur case the mother doesnt like u.

    I can see why u feel so annoyed and upset about this. You cant pick who u fall in love with and thats that. Can I ask how u two met? Also when u and her started to have feelings for each other? Im asking these questions so I can help u the best way possible.

    The problem is, all parents are going to be protective of their own children no matter what. Thats what being a parent is all about. Im sure thats girles mother isnt as bad as u think she is and so maybe u and her can both get a long better once you cleared the air.

    You seem to be very mature about the situation considering ur eighten. Alot of eightens year olds wouldnt. I think u just need to carry on being the poliet young man u are as I know one day you will make someone really happy.

    Dont rush into anything because if u do things will start going wrong and not what u expected. Your only eighten and im not saying u shouldnt have relationship this age but u want to make sure u take things slowly and let it progress. You got all the time in the world to meet someone.

    One last thing I wanna say is before u rush in a relationship with this girl make sure u get to know everything about her first. Even ask questions about her family and friends. That way the friendship will*develop and u two will be in a much better posistion then u were. Also by that time her mum and u would of formed a relationship. Try and save urself from getting broken hearted and ask urself wether this girl is for u. Might not be the right girl for u so please get to know the person before anything else. Its proberly best for now to keep in contact with each other from time to time and remaim friends for Not untill u can then have a proper go at things.

    Theres lots of advice and helplines on The Site and theres a website I have used in the past to know more about relationships and thats called bbc.co.uk/thesurgery. They have lots of advice, help and support on there. Would this be something u could be interested in?

    I hope this has helped and remember were always here to talk and listen.

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I also recommend actually trying to have a civilised conversation yourself with this girls mother - don't be defensive and try not to make this woman feel guilty or as though she's in the wrong. Her reaction is obviously to protect her daughter, it sounds like that's all she's trying to do.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Guzzo,

    Its clear from what you have said that you really care about this girl and you are really missing her, it also sounds like her mother is fearing the absolute worst in this situation. Perhaps imagine that she sees what you have written on here - you are really trying to figure out the best thing to do in this situation because you desperately want to make this work and not lose contact with her daughter. Having a conversation with her and being honest and open sounds like a good option - but be prepared that she may not be able to receive what you are saying, she could get, upset, angry, defense, we don't know. Another option that you might consider is writing her a letter, that way you get to say everything you need to - you could let her know that you are also happy to have a conversation too if she likes.
    Good luck and let us know how you get on!
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