Eupd

Former Member

Hi everyone!

I'm in a bit of a pickle at the moment, ive recently; within the last 6 months been diagnosed with EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder) im still not sure how to take this news! I just feel like I'm crazy aha!

I've recently started therapy, structured clinical management. I've been going for 4 weeks and I've gotten to the point where I don't want to go anymore, I understand that I probably should go, but I don't like going everytime I have an appointment I have a panic attack before going & the night before I have no sleep. I've always had a problem with therapist, it stems from the failed attempts at therapy when I was younger. Now I'm older I feel like, why should someone who has no idea what it's like to live with a personally disorder have the right to tell me how to cope with my emotions!
I just don't know what do, should I go to therapy or just stop it? It's making me feel worse when I go! any advice would be helpful!

Ally xoxo

Former Member

Have you discussed your concerns with your therapist?

Former Member

I haven't, no! I know that she's going to say that it's for the best that I carry on with it.

Former Member

Hey Ally,

Therapists aren't there to tell you how to cope with your emotions, but rather to support you through the emotional roller-coaster. Also being someone whose been diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, I know how difficult it can be to accept it, I did a fair amount of research into it and had the worlds end of questions. After being diagnosed were you able to talk to anyone about the diagnosis, and get more information on it? - However, I can assure you that having a diagnosis of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder does not make you crazy, not one bit!!

I found that 'ISSUU - BPD EBooklet' to be informative, sharing an individuals experience off BPD, which might be worth checking out when/if you have the time! It's great to see you being able to push yourself to get to therapy to, despite how difficult it sounds, what are some positives if any that you gain from therapy? Even if it's just to have a listening to ear.

Do you know what causes the panic attacks? Like specific things? I often find the stress of talking triggers me into going into panic mode, but again, it's something you can discuss with your therapist, and look at ways of managing that in the moment, for example taking deep breaths in and out, and focusing on your feet. TheSite.org have a fab article on dealing with Panic attacks, with a Step to step guide. Do you know what kind of things do help you in the moment when you are having a panic attack.

It's also worth bearing in mind that all therapists are different, and you won't be the only one feeling the way you do after several failed attempts, but I'm so proud of you for being able to go back, and being able to ask for support, thats a really huge step in the right direction, and maybe it might not work again, but then, it just might work.

Do you know what things do help you cope day to day? For example, some people find mindfulness helps them keep calm, or coloring, etc.

But overall, we can't really decide whether you do go for therapy or not, that's ultimately your decision, but if it is helping, even a teeny bit, I highly recommend continuing, or even talking to your therapist about how you thing you can best use sessions to support you more.

Do let us know how you're doing, and were always here for you!!

Best wishes,
Whispers

Former Member

Hey!
I know they're not there to tell me how to cope, I just feel that way!
Yeah I've only recently had somrone sit down with me and explain what EUPD is. It was a lot to take in, but makes a lot of sense, especially with my messed up childhood aha!

I will definitely have a look at that! I get to a point where I just stop going to therapy, I have always done this and I'm not sure why! Right now in my life I know therapy is so important, me & my fiancé have just started ivf so I know I need to get better for that!
I love having a place I can go to and speak about everything and not be judged! but in the back of my mind there's always something telling me I can do it alone.

The slightest thing can cause a panic attack! Going out alone & going to new places are the biggest ones! I hate having to take about my childhood as well, this usually causes a panic attack or for me to just breakdown.

My therapist is lovely, I get on with her really well! So it's not that, I think it's just the whole hospital thing that I don't like! I recently spent some time in a mental health hospital and it's always in the back of my mind that I might end up there again "/

I do mindfulness a lot, especially when going for a run and going to bed! I also have a 1 year old god daughter who I see a few times a week. She helps me loads!

I'm meant to have therapy on Friday, and I think I will probably go and just explain how I'm feeling to her and see what she says!

Thanks for the help,
Ally!

Former Member

Breaking down or having a panic attack whilst in a session is probably the best place to do it! You've got the support there and especially with childhood trauma if you don't process it, in my experience it can sit and fester and get worse in your head than if you talk about it and deal with the emotions it brings up. Its perfectly normal to get upset when talking about horrible things that happened in the past.

Former Member

I know that, but I just feel that if I'm having symptoms like this going to therapy then its not going to work! I've kept my childhood problems locked away for so long that I've managed to block them out and paint a "perfect one" in my head, so even touching on the subject now is a massive thing for me!