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Aged 24 and up, living with parents?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Is there anyone in their mid to late 20s who still live with their parents?

Im going to be 25 next week and although im shit scared terrified of leaving home i feel a little bit like im missing out on life by waiting til im ready or i meet someone to move in with

Anyone else feel like this?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Lexi - I think this is a really good thing to bring up and well done for being so honest about your fears. I'm going to move this into the Home, Law and Money forum as I think it sits best there :)

    Change is scary and there will always be a bit of an element of the unknown - can you tell us a bit more about your fears and what they are?

    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hugs,

    I know what it like :( have u tryed talking to anyone :/
  • Cat88Cat88 Moderator Posts: 377 Boards Initiate
    Hi Lexi, just checking in to see how you're doing? I know plenty of people who stayed at home into their twenties for various reasons, so don't worry, however if you have specific fears about leaving home it might be worth having a chat about those and see if there's anything we can do to help you think about them differently, just because it will almost certainly make sense for you to leave home in the long run.

    Let us know how we can help :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Cat, Im doing fine thanks.
    When i was away at uni I wasnt scared at all, I loved it. But im wondering now if i thats because i knew it was a temporary thing - i always planned to go back home after though because it just made sense.

    About a year ago i tried moving out and was back home within the week. I moved into a houseshare and even though there was only one other housemate at the time i felt stifled and uncomfortable, like it wasnt my home i could relax in. And i half-resented paying out double the rent to live somewhere that wasnt my own, in a town 30 minutes from home, when my parents are more than happy to have me home.

    Now, everytime i think about it, I freak out and panic. I fantasise about having my own place and have a stash of stuff in my room that im saving for 'one day' - kitchen stuff, duvet and covers etc but cant take that leap.

    I feel scared about not living in this house anymore, not waking up in my room or even driving the same roads and route home at the end of the day. All these things i know im going to be miss and wont be able to adjust. Even as i type this im welling up about it. There's also the aspect of finally being responsible for myself and being an adult to deal with as well. I know that living somewhere less fancy than your parents home is part of the ritual of growing up but i dont feel prepared for any of it.

    The thing is, I dont even know where feeling like this came from. For the past year or so ive been feeling very anxious about myself and my future but im working on changing my job situation so hopefully that will help me settle down and get back to feeling like me again. Feeling like this isnt even me, ive always been fairly confident, sure of myself, happy to go on school trips, stay away. When i arrived at uni I couldnt get rid of my parents quick enough.

    Also, the good thing is that my sister is thinking of moving out as well so when i get settled at work we'll look into it together. I dont feel I have the strength to go alone at the moment and even though shes younger than me, i feel like shes actually my older sister being the supportive rock of the 2 of us.
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hey Lexi,
    You said in your first post you feel like you're 'missing out on your life' - I'm still not sure exactly what it is you feel you're missing out on?

    Great that you have this opportunity with your sister, could be just the middle ground you're looking for :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just feel like im still a child in some ways and the longer i live at home the longer im staying in this perpetual state of not a child but not quite an adult. Everywhere I go and everything i do is communicated to my parents first, i eat what they eat etc. I feel like i cant do impulsive things because i have to make sure i tell my mum i wont be home or explain to them where im going or why im doing that. I dont feel like my life is my own sometimes, just an extension of theirs.

    I also feel like my relationships have been affected. I dont have friends over because there is no where for us to hang out, or they'd have to go by a certain time to respect my parents (goes without saying) and there's no privacy for anything sexual or romantic. If i wanted to go out it would still be 'where are you going, why, who with' etc etc

    So its basically a struggle between feeling stifled and wanting to get away and have my own life and 'oh my god i dont know what the hell im doing, i dont want to leave my home of around 15 years and be responsible for bills and rent'.

    And i know there is no 'right' time to leave home but i still dont want to be a 30 year old who has no idea how to live by herself, i'd like to have that sorted long before that
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lexi99 wrote: »

    So its basically a struggle between feeling stifled and wanting to get away and have my own life and 'oh my god i dont know what the hell im doing, i dont want to leave my home of around 15 years and be responsible for bills and rent'.

    I moved out in mid February and felt this way. I ended up getting loads of help from my parents. (I have learning disabilities which makes it a bit more difficult) I've moved far enough so that I can have a level of independence; but my parents are close enough by so that I can just call them up if I'm having a problem.

    And yes, I do nip home every now and again. Mostly for a roast dinner!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whowhere wrote: »
    I've lived with my wife in our own home since I was 20, I really feel for you, there is no way on earth I could go back to living with my parents (although in some regards, I still can't do impulsive things on my own either).
    I think, if you can afford it, move out. Ideally you want to be splitting your salary into thirds. A third on bills including rent, a third on living, and a third on saving. If you're living at home still, you really could do with saving at least 80% of whatever you earn (depending what they charge you for rent) so you can get a deposit together for a house.
    I don't know what you do for a living though, so I don't know how feasible it is.

    Thank you for understanding.

    I have quite a bit saved and am not far off affording a deposit but i do have student loans (one before the increase and one from after) and currently am nowhere near earning enough to afford a mortgage or even move out, although im working on changing that. I am good at saving money though and i pay 25% of my earnings in rent to my parents so it differs depending on what i get paid each month.

    Buying a house i think would be a massively huge leap for me at this stage and feels like too big of a commitment for me at the moment in terms of choosing a location to live in. I know there's always the option to sell and move but i hear thats expensive and alot of messing around with agents and what not.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't sleep so I'm up looking at flats to rent and thinking about stuff and keep blowing hot and cold on it all. Mostly about the price of things such as admin fees, guarantors etc. We've never been rich but my parents have always worked hard to make sure I didn't have to worry about money.

    Now I'm looking at approx £400 ish for admin plus a deposit and rent which is all affordable and I know it's completely normal but i can't help thinking that I can save all that money if I just stay home and it seems like a massive waste. I want to be sure about this before I do it so I don't end up miserable and have to break my lease to move back home. On the other hand, I know that this is what everyone goes through and I can't hide from it forever.

    We were also discussing this with the family earlier and my dad was making jokes but in a 'I'm actually not joking' manner like 'I hear our street is a very nice place to live and there'll be 2 rooms up for rent soon!' (Joking, not joking). He's very protective and if we both move out if will just be him and mum in a big 4 bedroom house and I can tell he doesn't want us to go. So now I feel guilty for them as well.

    Ugh I hate my mind sometimes
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wy do you want to move out? Because you want to? Or because you think you should?

    How far are you off being able to buy your own place?

    It's not uncommon for people, to live with their mum and dad while they actively save up to get a deposit. If you're moving out for the sake of it then it might be worth considering another approach - like saying you'll stay at home while you save up. Set up a standing order to a savings account for the day after your pay comes in, and set yourself a target - once you hit that target you get serious about moving out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A bit of both to be honest, I am excited but the scared part of me wants to stay home forever but I want to fight that.

    I have a bit of deposit saved up, almost 15k, but I dont think anyone would give me a mortgage at the moment due to my job situation. (i dont even know what the usual route is for single 20 something women to get their own mortgage). I also think its a huuuge financial commitment to jump straight into home ownership and a bit irresponsible if you dont know what you're doing (like me).

    Anyway me and sister sat down and figured out we want to save about £800 for set up fees before we do this so I think Ive got a few months before any of this happens. And then we started talking about furtniture and looked at the ikea website and i got excited
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A lot of my furniture is second hand. Actually, I think the only things I ended up getting brand new were my fridge, freezer and washing machine. (I also took my stuff when I moved out)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yep Ill be doing all the charity shops and car boots as well first off and maybe my room furniture. I actually prefer things that have a history behind them
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lexi99 wrote: »
    Is there anyone in their mid to late 20s who still live with their parents?

    Im going to be 25 next week and although im shit scared terrified of leaving home i feel a little bit like im missing out on life by waiting til im ready or i meet someone to move in with

    Anyone else feel like this?


    I'm 31 and I still live with my parents. I'm scared shitless what will happen when they both die, they are aged between 65 and 75. Also I'm scared shitless about where I'll be in the next few years because I don't have a job as I was made redundant back in 2013, and still haven't found one.

    I also don't have a girlfriend. Never had one. I don't want to be lonely all my life!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had moved out when I was barely 16, and as most young men I was fully confident in my emotional ability to deal with being 'independent' that I was not ready for not being ready at all. I moved in with my mum again two and a half years ago when I was 25 to help me recover from a debilitating depression and for the longest time I was ashamed of moving back in with mum. I was ashamed because it suggested I was weak, which I was. It suggested I was at that time, incapable of being independent, which I was and still am but to a much lesser extent since recovering from the depression. What I have come to realise though, is that it is a VERY western mentality that expects everyone to be independent of one another. A lot of cultures do not buy into this and there is a very good reason. Humans are tribal by nature. If you've ever heard such comments like (to use an example I've heard over and over again): "Those bloody asians, living with their whole family in one house, raking in lots of money..." What is happening there is that those types of families who mostly all live together are always there to support each other, they take PRIDE in being together, working together and as a result being stronger than any independent person anywhere. So please don't feel shame when you feel intimidated about going it alone, that's a totally normal feeling to have. Humans break down when they feel like they have no backup and feel ashamed in asking for help, it's a curse of the unnatural western world. Your feelings are completely natural. Good luck. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there, I still live with my mum. I am 22 years old so in below the age you are which is mid 20s.

    I would like to move out and get my own place soon only there's things you need to consider and think through as you need to know what to do.

    I do think 25 is an old age to be still living with there parents. There are a lot of people who are that age or older what live at home so your not in your own.

    Are you looking to move out and if so is that a flat or a shared house? You might find the site right move would help to look for somewhere. Have you looked at GumTree?always have a lot of things on there.

    You have to make sure you make the decision to know what your doing because its not easy.

    x
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