How do you help a friend who struggles with food?

Former Member

Hey :wave:

Some of you may know it's Eating Disorders Awareness week this week and our friends over at beat have just launched their new website.

Eating disorders and difficult relationships with food and eating can be really hard to talk about and, even if you do manage to pluck up the courage to tell a friend - what can they do to support you?

Whether you're a friend of someone who struggles with food or you're suffering from an eating disorder or difficult relationship with food yourself we'd really like to hear your stories.

What's helpful and what's really not helpful in terms of supporting a friend?

Maybe you have a friend that really gets it and does/says all the right things?
Maybe you have one that tries but gets it all wrong and makes things worse!

We want to hear about what's been useful so that others reading can benefit and we can help beat raise awareness :thumb:

Here's a piece of advice from beat to get you started:

Remember it’s not about food, it’s about feelings, so don’t talk about diets and weight loss. Sometimes even simple comments like "you look good today" can be interpreted by those affected as a criticism of their body - instead comment on how much energy they have, how healthy their hair looks, or things they have achieved, to build up their self-esteem and teach them to value themselves for who they are and not how they look - taken from this article which as some more suggestions

Look forward to hearing your ideas :yes:

Former Member

I don't have experience of this as such; but was constantly accused of having an eating disorder whilst at uni. Because I have IBS, I, unlike many people, can't eat large meals. (eating too much at once gives me chronic indigestion) I was fed up of my weight and how little I was supposedly eating being mentioned all the time.

I've had depression (ok, I know it's not quite the same) and found that whilst someone being there did help, I didn't like the subject being mentioned all the time. It gets rather tiresome after a while.

Former Member

Melian wrote: »

I've had depression (ok, I know it's not quite the same) and found that whilst someone being there did help, I didn't like the subject being mentioned all the time. It gets rather tiresome after a while.

Thanks for sharing Melian, I think that's a really good point. A reminder that your depression doesn't define you and neither does an eating disorder - being there for a friend can be about just having a break from thinking about it and doing stuff you enjoy and just chatting about everyday stuff! Great advice

Any more idea folks?

Former Member

Do not play the whole "it upsets me that you behave this way" card. That does not help - that just makes you feel worse. Your intent is not to upset anyone else at all and for someone to put that on you is just shit.

I'd definitely second the distraction thing! If someone does want to talk about it though, it's okay for you to offer a few possible solutions but there comes a point where someone might push getting better too much and that doesn't help. Sometimes it's nice to just have someone listen to your vents and offer a hug.

Former Member

An eating disorder does not mean that a person doesn't eat anything at all. Don't make a massive thing over seeing them eat something; very often knowing that you're being watched and knowing that people will make comments is worse than eating itself.

Some situations and foods are more manageable than others.

An eating disorder isn't just fussy eating or someone being awkward.

Looks do not equal to a person being healthy or unhealthy.

Try to avoid comments about how the person looks...whilst saying something like "you look really well!" is well meaning, to someone under the thumb of an eating disorder will very often hear that as "you have noticeably put on weight, you are fat."

An eating disorder isn't just about the food. There are underlying feelings and thoughts and the illness goes way deeper than is ever physically noticeable.