It's all about trust?

Former Member

Hello everybody, I'm really new to this forum and this is my first post. I am writing to you because I need someone to talk to. So, let's start.
Lately I've been having some issues with my girlfriend, and by issues I mean I am having them. She knows nothing. I've been with her for a little over two years now and out of the blue 4 months ago I started losing my sexual interest. I really do love her to levels that I could never imagine. She is really really attractive, but yet I lost some of my sexual interest. As the title of this thread says I believe the main reason behind it is the absolute trust I have on her. I do know that she will never ever cheat/lie on/to me and this is the reason behind my issue. At the start I thought that it would be temporary situation and did not pay attention to it but lately there have been occasions that I wasn't able to make her "finish" because I was thinking of this situation and as a result I was losing my erection. I don't want to make her feel unattractive and for that reason whenever I understood that I was losing my erection I was stopping. Anyway, enough with the "sex" text.
As a result of the above I am starting to be attracted to other women as well. I am starting to think of other women I meet even though I shouldn't. My girlfriend is something more than perfect. She has everything I could ask for but the situation that has been going on these months is ruining me. Not only that other personal issues (my father is sick, work problems & financial issues) are stressing me up as well and that's really bad. I am that kind of person that keeps everything inside him and at a random moment the last drop will make me explode and that will result to only bad things.
Dear friends, I'm literally on a dead end. I am writing to you because I can't talk to anybody. I can't open myself at all and everybody thinks I'm happy while I'm literally REALLY devastated inside me. I can make people laugh and feel ok, but I can't do it for me.
Sorry for the long post and sorry for anything, but I seek help and I'm confident that your posts might give me a way out.

Former Member

Hey PanicOnArt. Nice one for opening up to us on here, it's a good step. Welcome to the boards.

It sounds like (aside from the issues you mention) you and your partner have a very strong, long term relationship. One of the main things I want to stress here is that communication really is key; telling your partner what is going on could really help lift this weight off your shoulders. Anyone that loves you will understand a situation like this and will do their best to help you, and with the knowledge that they understand what's happening and aren't judging you for it there's a good chance that you won't be as burdened by the issue. This on it's own could potentially solve the bedroom trouble. Even if it doesn't, talking about things could make you both much more relaxed and enable you to work on the problem together.

Another thing worth a mention is that looking at other people or appreciating other women does NOT make you unfaithful and should not be seen as a relationship issue. We are all guilty of it because we're all human. We can't help how we feel and it's not like being in love with somebody instantly stops us from seeing desirable traits in others. The difference between this and being unfaithful is physically acting on those impulses. To some extent, being able to see beyond your own relationship in that respect is quite healthy. Don't feel bad about it.

You mention personal issues about your father not being well, work problems and financial issues - have you had any support for these before?

Do let us know how you're getting on, and props to you again for seeking help here. :yes:

Former Member

Hi PanicOnArt,

Welcome!

I agree with MikeS, I think talking to your girlfriend might take some pressure off you. Keeping your thoughts for yourself can be really tough and even if it's a difficult topic to talk about, it worth a try..
I guess after spending a certain time together, leaving the super exciting period behind them, couples start to realise that there are other attractive, interesting people out there, but there is no harm in it as long as you don't act.
Have you talked with her about your other issues (your dad, finances)?

Former Member

Sorry you are going through this panic, I definitely think it would be worth sharing the burden, although posting on here is a good first step! I think what everyone else has said is completely right, it's normal for the 'honeymoon' period to fizzle out and this can be stressful/worrying, especially if it's the first time you've been in a relationship long enough for it to happen.

I think you'd benefit from opening up to your girlfriend about the other things stressing you out - perhaps you could explain about the how the other stress is distracting you and this will stop her worrying. She sounds lovely and you sound like you have a lot to treasure in your relationship, perhaps she will surprise you with how she helps you cope with your stress

The bedroom problems may sort themselves out, they may not - only time will tell. Putting lots of pressure on yourself to keep up the 'exciting' side of things probably isn't helpful, nor is beating yourself up for noticing other attractive females!

There's plenty of places to go to chat with trained advisors here, if you feel you need to speak to someone impartial https://www.brook.org.uk/our-services/category/ask-brook