First kiss, but don't have a boyfriend...

Former Member

So on Friday, I went to my friends gig, and little did I know that my one of my other friends was in the band playing piano! As I also play piano, he invited me up to play a number with the band. After the gig, he came over to me and started talking to me. I more or less blanked my other friend that came with me (She was the girlfriend of the lead singer), and I just kept talking to this guy.

After about 10 minutes of talking inside the bar they were playing, we went outside to talk. There was about half an hour of us more or less just staring at each other, then he said to me "you're beautiful, I really want to kiss you". I don't know why, but I wanted to kiss him too. So I did...

It was my first kiss, and I have never had a boyfriend! That feels wrong, in a way. What kills me most is I know someone who knows us both saw us. AND THAT'S KILLING ME. And I also now can't get this guy whom I kissed out of my head. It's like loads of emotions at one time! Plus what would my parents say?!! I just kissed a boy out of the blue! I've been saying to the for years "I don't want a boyfriend, I'm not interested". And I've sort of lived up to that, but now I've kissed someone :P

I'm just feeling so many feelings at the same time and I don't fully understand it...

Former Member

Hi Lottie :wave:

First of all - amazing to see another gig-going fan here! I went to one myself last night - really enjoy live music, and that's wonderful you got up and played too. So impressed - not everyone can do that you know, so clap yourself on the back for that.

Just had to get that out - :yes:

Reading what you have written - it sounds like your head is a bit all over after your first kiss, is that right? And you're a bit worried about what other people think because they saw you kissing a guy? Perhaps it's your concern at doing something new (and strange for the first time) and someone you know clocking you. It could be the case that you are more worried about it and spending more time fretting over it than the person who saw you. I have seen a few of your posts on here before, and you've talked about not having a boyfriend - but it sounds like you might have found someone who quite likes you. That doesn't de-value anything you might have said or felt in the past, it just means that you could be moving into a new chapter of your life - a new bit where the possibility of being with someone is a bit more interesting for you?

It's hard to get someone out of your head when you have some feelings for them - and you sound like you are struggling to process the range of feelings you have right now. It can be hard to separate everything out clearly, but if it helps you - keep writing things down here - you may feel a bit of relief. :yes:

Let us know how things work out for you *hug*

Former Member

Hey Tamsinjo

I suppose I may have been over thinking things, as the person whom (I think) saw me hasn't said a word to me or anybody around me... My biggest fear now is my parents finding out. They are extremely strict (so much so, that I'm still not allowed out past 11pm (unless I'm with somebody they really trust) - and I'm 20!) What would they think if they knew I kissed a guy and I'm not even with them!

And also if my "boss" (yes in inverted commas as he is more of a really good friend than a boss!) found out, I don't know if he would like it, as he is a closer friend of the guy I kissed than I am myself...

I haven't had any contact with the guy I kissed either since that night as we don't have each others numbers and I don't have any social networkings (Because of my parents). Still feeling quite confused, and don't know what to think of the friend that may have saw us... Agh!

(Also, I am very glad to know that you like to go to gigs It's very rare for me to find other gig-goers! I love live music, it makes me feel so happy, although this one left me feeling every other emotion there is out there too, haha!)

Former Member

It was my first kiss, and I have never had a boyfriend! That feels wrong, in a way. What kills me most is I know someone who knows us both saw us. AND THAT'S KILLING ME.

That should not be killing you, because this is the most natural progress of things romantically. Do you think other people agree to a relationship and only afterwards seal the pact with a kiss? I cannot think of a single person I know that had a relationship before the first kiss.

"I don't want a boyfriend, I'm not interested".

Guess you've been in denial then.

Plus what would my parents say?!!

Probably "awwwww!". What else would they say? Do you think your parents got to know each other any differently? Chances are that the night they met each other they drunkely snogged each other's faces off.

I really cannot put myself in a mindset where I'd be as alarmed and upset about my first kiss. I'd be thrilled and thinking positive thoughts, not negative ones. You sound extremely sheltered. Now it's time to break out of your restrictive comfort boundaries and start exploring those feelings. If your parents are disapproving of you kissing someone at the age of 20 (please don't take this as an insult, but I thought you'd be 13 or something at first) then you can conveniently ignore their opinion and I am saying that as your everyday regular person, not as some kind of proponent for sexual freedom.

Get that guys phone number (through your other friend in that band or smth) and drop him a text, that you enjoyed yourself the other day and ask him if he is up to meeting up again.

Former Member

This kissing thing is all new to me, as is the whole having a relationship. He is always in my head since that day and I don't know why. I still don't feel as if I'm ready to commit to a relationship. The thought of people seeing me kiss someone really scares me, I don't know why. I guess I am rather acting like a child, but I can't help it, there's nobody I can talk to about it in person. I don't want to talk to my parents about it (due to many reasons), and my friends are in Uni (and already have boyfriends/girlfriends to occupy their time). I'm living on my own and there's nobody to help me through this situation. Plus, who would care about a so called "adult" like me stressing over one kiss? I realise it's a stupid thing to get stressed about but I can't change me, I guess I'm just to insecure to deal with this part of life.

I don't know what to do! aghhh

Former Member

LottiePottie wrote: »

(and already have boyfriends/girlfriends to occupy their time).

Having a boyfriend/girlfriend does not mean you suddenly have zero time for your friends (except if you are a shitty friend). If this situation distresses you so much, why not just call one of your friends and explain the situation? I don't want to be condescending, but your situation shouldn't stress anybody out (it is usually a source of joy and exhilaration for most) , so maybe it's just a little ruck in the right direction until you are cool with it and this little ruck can very well come from a peer you've known for some time that simply relays his/her experience of the first kiss with you.

Former Member

You wanted that kiss so there has nothing to be a problem with that.

Former Member

hi lottie,

how are you feeling about things now?

I think it's normal to feel a million things at once when something massive happens like your first kiss! Try not to worry about it.... in time it will become clear how you actually feel about it so don't rush anything or put pressure on yourself.

Maybe you just aren't ready for a boyfriend yet? there is nothing wrong with that... so don't stress. Maybe it would help to chat things through with someone completely impartial? I think Brook are good for things like that https://www.brook.org.uk/your-life/category/relationships-and-sex

Former Member

So some weeks have past, and I've calmed down a little. I can't help but feeling I'm not ready, but I don't have time to get down into a relationship. In hindsight, the kiss was great. my friend who saw us didn't even say a word to anyone or anybody, so I now wish that I spent some more time with the guy

I still haven't seen him since, but we are both extremely busy. And I think I've come round to admitting to myself that I do, REALLY like this guy :yes: I just need to calm down a little still when something like that happens.

However, I still dread my parents ever finding out - that's what stresses me out the most, alongside having people I know see me kiss somebody..