relationship establishment

Former Member

I been seeing a girl since November.

We have sex quite a lot.

Its great.

She said she doesn't want to be bf/gf yet.

Im going to have to end it cos I cant handle having sex with someone with no commitment, I always thought that sounds bloody ideal, but now im in it, I realise that it is not for me because I am someone who like a partner, not just sex.

Do you think I should just end it, or try and work on my acceptance of a 'close friend' relationship and enjoy the occasional sex with a beautiful woman?

Former Member

Have you tried to have an honest conversation with this woman about how you're truly feeling regarding the situation? If not, I'd say that's a good thing to try and do before you make any rash decisions. Has she spoken about the reason why she doesn't want to enter a bf/gf relationship? Also, you've mentioned that she said she doesn't want to enter a proper relationship 'yet' - so that suggests it's still an option for the future.

Either way, this should be a two-way friendship/relationship, which means your thoughts and feelings are just as important as hers so it's vital that you try to communicate as best you can. It might feel like you only have two options right now but a very clear and honest talk together could change that entirely.

Former Member

localboy wrote: »

Im going to have to end it cos I cant handle having sex with someone with no commitment, I always thought that sounds bloody ideal, but now im in it, I realise that it is not for me because I am someone who like a partner, not just sex.

Respect for admitting this. I think a lot of people fantasise about this sort of situation but, I agree, the reality is very different. Sex is rarely just sex to most people, it can be so hard to separate feelings.

Just adding to Butterfly's wise words... having a chat with this girl and being honest is probably the best thing you could do. By all means try out the 'friends with benefits' thing a bit more and see if you adjust, though. Just remember your feelings are equally as important as hers.

Former Member

Hi there, localboy!

How is it going? Has anything changed? Have you talked with the girl yet? If not, I would agree with others and say that you probably should have a chat with her regarding how you feel about this relationship. What if she feels the same way as you do but just is afraid to tell you?

Good luck! and please let us know how it goes! We are here for you! Hug!

Former Member

I would agree with everyone else and say that communication is key in situations like this. She may have reasons why she is unsure about making a commitment and talking it out could reassure her. On the other hand, you may find out she is unwilling to change her mind and while upsetting this could be useful too. It's better to know where you stand than hanging on and hoping things will change on their own.

TheSite has an article on friends with benefits which might be of some use to you. Good luck and let us know how you get on!

Former Member

Hi Localboy,

You have been seeing this girl for quite some time now and it sounds like your feelings have grown quite strong for her. It can feel hurtful and frustrating when people we care about don't seem to share these feelings.

Like others have suggested I think an honest conversation between you both is important here. Lay your cards out, let her know how you are feeling and listen to eachother. You say that she says she doesn't want a bf/gf yet, could you explore this with her? Sometimes when people are hurt badly in past relationships it can take a while for them to trust another person again.

Let us know how you get on.