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How do I help my ex?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 122,046 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
My ex wants to get back with me after our 4 month split and he has wanted to get back with me since two weeks after we split up. I didn't want to return to the relationship as it wasn't a helpful relationship and he could be quite controlling but I agreed to be his friend. We then stopped talking for about a month. He then contacted me hoping again that we could reconcile and I still don't want to return to the relationship and I have moved on. He then harmed himself following being turned down. This was when I realized he had been self harming for a while and was noticeably depressed, I want to help him as a friend, since I suffer with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I know how it feels. He has said he doesn't need help but his state of mind is getting worse, is there anything anyone can suggest?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 122,046 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He needs to get help from his GP, if he hasn't done so already.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 122,046 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He hasn't done so, he refuses to get help as he is raised by a family that strongly believes that the men are weak if they are diagnosed with a mental health illness. He also has past bad experiences with social services and worries that they will get involved somehow if he tries to speak to a professional.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 122,046 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He can only really get help when he's ready - I think for now it's just about making sure he knows that you are there for him, as a friend, if he ever wants/needs to talk, vent, cry, etc. He isn't at all weak, coping daily with a mental illness is incredibly hard work and to be able to do that shows nothing but strength - keep trying to reassure him of that. Do you have anyone looking out for you in regards to this? Supporting someone with a mental illness can be seriously hard work in itself so please do make sure you keep chatting to someone about how you're feeling personally, whether that's a friend or even us *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 122,046 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you so much, this is very helpful. Yes I know it is hard to live with mental health illnesses, sadly I too have suffered with them for 4 years now but I am getting by and I like to try to help others as best as I can. I will reassure him that I am here for him anytime as a friend and I will support him the best that I can. I don't have anyone helping me but I will talk to people on here often when I need to. If worst comes to worst I could talk to my youth support worker and get her support. I don't like seeing others suffering, especially knowing how it feels so I always do my best to help out. Thank you so much :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 122,046 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm glad to hear you have the option of talking to your youth support worker if needs be. TheSite has an article about supporting someone with a mental health problem which might be worth a look - http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/supporting-others/supporting-someone-with-a-mental-health-problem-6250.html

    You're clearly being an amazing friend to this person - I imagine he really appreciates you :)
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