Stuck in love

Former Member

I work in a place where a guy I fancy works too. I didn't do anything about it because he has a girlfriend and he's very different to other guys. We wouldn't make a good couple. Plus he's leaving to move another city in 4 months. But recently my feelings towards him have grown. I tried to stop it but I think I'm in love with him and keep having dreams about kissing him. I feel so alone and sad now but before this I was doing ok. I keep myself as much as possible but it's hard when I'm on my own. I. Feel like crying. I just don't know what to do. I wish I could just get one hug from him to make me feel better 😥

Former Member

Hi there Stars2 , welcome :wave:

Sorry to hear you're feeling so sad and alone. It's hard when suddenly things feel hard when everything seemed better before! The dreams you're having can't be helping either :no:

It seems like you made the right decision not doing anything considering he has a gf and is leaving, however it doesn't mean you can't be sad about it - and wanting a hug from him is a normal reaction.

Do you think it's possible that all these feelings are coming up because he's leaving? It might be hard to imagine you will "lose" him - especially as you've been seeing him all this time at work.

Our article on unrequited love says this;

You can’t fall out of love with someone overnight, after all, and in some ways you need to grieve for this lost love. It’s easy to become withdrawn from everyday life when you’re bewitched by someone who doesn’t feel the same way, but it’s vital that you get out and fill your time constructively.
Surround yourself with friends and lean on them to help regain control.

Getting used to him leaving and then eventually being gone will take time, but can hopefully help in the long run to getting over him.

Do let us know how you're doing *hug*

Former Member

I am doing okay I think. Maybe it will help that he's leaving. I kind of want it to come sooner, the better. It's hard to say that but it'll only help me to move on. Whenever I see I just want to talk to him.

Former Member

Hey Stars2 :wave:

Well done for sharing - it's a hard thing when we start having feelings for people we work with. I was reading about sometimes we develop feelings for people in the workplace, because we spend so much time there! So people we even remotely find attractive - even just a little, becomes magnified, because you see them so often - which could be why your feelings might intensify.

You're right in what you said - once he moves on, you will do too. You won't have the same levels of contact with him - and the old saying 'out of sight, out of mind' is very true. It will take a little time - but the feelings will ease. When we have strong feelings for people, we do just want to talk to them, etc - but hopefully, when he relocates - you might find yourself thinking less and less about him.

Hope this helped you - remember to keep posting on here :thumb:

Former Member

I think you're right. And it is definitely at the moment quite hard. I keep getting distracted and people ask me if I'm ok. I say yea I'm fine and I have to start laughing and joining in their funny conversation. But really I'm quite sad and just want to go sit with him.

Former Member

Hi Stars2 :wave:

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time with your feelings for this guy - it can be tough to carry on as normal when you're being affected by your emotions, as you've said about having to put on a "front" of smiling and pretending you're doing fine *hug*
Are there any friends that you can talk to about this to perhaps lessen the burden?

It sounds like thoughts of him and the situation are occupying your mind and making it difficult to deal with your everyday life. This article about unrequited love has several tips to help you to manage the ways in which it can impact your life.

Keep doing all the stuff you'd normally do, even if you don't feel like it, as these activities will buffer your peace of mind and help you move beyond your forlorn focus.

Maybe it could be helpful to distract yourself by keeping yourself busy with friends, hobbies and other activities?

I hope things start to pick up for you soon. Keep us posted

Former Member

Hello Stars2,

After reading your post I wanted to reiterate the warm advice others have given. Feeling in love is sometimes extremely painful and a difficult place to be, and sometimes it can feel like the heartache will never end, however please know that it will. Time is a wonderful thing and you will come through this.

Is there anyone who knows how you are feeling, or who you could talk to? A close friend perhaps? Keeping busy could help give you a break from feeling so sad, but of course don't beat yourself up for having these feelings - its all part of the healing process.

Keep posting here and let us know how you are feeling. Be patient with yourself. - 'sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows.'