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First Breakups?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey folks,

Given that I am currently going through my first proper breakup, I was wondering a few things. What was your first breakup like? What caused it? How did you get through it? Looking back, what would you say about the experience? Feel free to have a rant about it if you wish!

Just curious about your thoughts. :)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello again! :)

    I will share my story with you...
    My first break up was long time ago and it was silly. I was only 15 then :D and I remember, when I started feeling that my boyfriend wanted to break up, I was trying to avoid it as much as possible because I simply liked his friendship. But of course, I couldnt avoid it forever... :P I guess, we just got bored of each other eventually.. or he did! I dont know... But these things happen... :)
    So, as you see, my break up wasnt too painful but of course I was upset... I missed him a lot in the beggining but then after couple of weeks and months I got used to the idea that we are not together anymore.

    Thats it really! :) We all need time and distractions to heal after the break up! These are the most important things, I would say.

    The Site has a really good article about it though, http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/relationships/how-do-i-get-over-a-break-up-4176.html Have a read if you havent done it already! ;) and be strong! you will make it! hug! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My first break up.... My boyfriend just out of the blue stopped contacting me. For 2 months. We hadn't been fighting or anything so I didn't understand it. The the first 6 ish weeks I was distraught, trying every possible way to get hold of him, texting, calling, emailing, facebook, MySpace back in the day. I was 18, totally infatuated and we were in a long distance relationship and I was car-less so couldn't go and find him and and didn't know what to do. I even thought he could be laying in a ditch somewhere or in a hospital because I couldn't understand why he was doing this. I cried pretty much every day for around 6 weeks and at times had to go for walks just to give me something to do whilst I cried. I didn't even try to hide it from people in the street eventually, just let the tears roll.

    The one day after the 6th or 7th week I thought, screw this, he doesn't give a crap and I'm just spending all my time miserable. And I was at uni so supposed to be having fun! I'd had enough of feeling like crap so I said, I'm not going to feel like this anymore, I'm going to get over him. And I did. It took another month or so for me to stop missing him and finally start getting over him and the annoying part.... Just as I was starting to feel remotely better, he rings me!! Ohthe bloody cheek!! We had talks and rows and he promised it was going to be different from now on etc etc and, as much as I still loved him, I had to say no because I had lost all trust and faith in him. How could I trust that he wasn't going to disappear off the face of the earth again? I thought he was died and he was sitting there right as rain and all he could say was 'sorry'.

    By this time I'd started dating someone else as well but that's all another story. Basically it's just about letting yourself feel sad, letting yourself cry and grieve, until one day you will just not want to feel like that anymore. And give it time. For me the whole thing lasted roughly 2 months.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We (at least I thought so) never really had a proper relationship; so I don't think it really counts. I kinda decided that I didn't, for numerous reasons want to be with him and sent him a text telling him this. (yes I know...) His response was rather odd and I thought that was it. He would not leave me alone and I ended up blocking his number. He really wanted to meet up with me for lunch to discuss stuff. I was rather skeptical over this and thought he'd just talk me into going back with him; so told him no.

    I thought that was it. 3 months later, I agreed to go for lunch with him, thinking we were just friends. How wrong I was! He was talking about marriage (which seemed a bit odd considering there was never a relationship to begin with) and sleeping together. Both of which would never happen, ever.

    I then discovered he had a girlfriend, which explains a lot...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was in a long distance relationship and got a text on the Friday morning saying when would I be free on Saturday to phone as we need to talk and you won't like it. I proceeded to have one or two or more drinks on the Friday night knowing full well what was going to happen, then had the inevitable phone conversation on the Saturday, followed by more drinking on the Saturday and Sunday nights.

    As for what caused it - well, distance was a little bit of a factor but really it all came down to her feelings. We stayed on good terms, ended up getting back together and then moving in together for a few months before she broke up with me again. Getting over it.... yeah that's not really happened, although I have tried a number of ways:
    1) As mentioned above - drink. Leads to rather depressing conversations with friends.
    2) Trying being with someone else. Leads to me realising that no I'm probably not over her and things getting messy with other people getting hurt.
    3) Avoiding romance. In fairness this isn't particularly difficult to avoid, but does still end up with an empty space where a relationship once was.
    4) Finding ways to fill my life - kinda works, although mostly ends up with me taking on far too many things to make my life busy. Can be fun in a hectic kind of way, but most days will still end up imagining what might have been.

    Still, it's only been 6 years since the first break up, 3 1/2 years since the second....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just didn't feel like a relationship anymore and did not contact her for a week. She called me and was furious and said, "there is no excuse for this." and I said, "I know." and that was it. I was 15, guess I could have handled that better, but still. We lived almost 2 hours apart (it's actually quite a deal at that age) and I just didn't feel like taking the journey constantly.
  • Cat88Cat88 Moderator Posts: 377 Boards Initiate
    Hi, happy to share my story :)

    I was 18 and off to uni after being with my first proper boyfriend for over a year and a half. In all honesty, we just drifted apart and grew up. The eventual break up was relatively amicable but we had had a few rows a couple of months before that when I think we both knew it wasn't going to last and we stupidly tried anyway.

    I will also admit I had met someone else that I felt some feelings for, and whilst nothing happened until a few months after the break up, it definitely gave me the kick to realise I wasn't happy any more and although my bf was a great guy, we just weren't suited long term.

    That someone else then became my husband though 6 years later...!
  • Cat88Cat88 Moderator Posts: 377 Boards Initiate
    Hi, happy to share my story :)

    I was 18 and off to uni after being with my first proper boyfriend for over a year and a half. In all honesty, we just drifted apart and grew up. The eventual break up was relatively amicable but we had had a few rows a couple of months before that when I think we both knew it wasn't going to last and we stupidly tried anyway.

    I will also admit I had met someone else, and whilst nothing happened until a few months after the break up, it definitely gave me the kick to realise I wasn't happy any more and although my bf was a great guy, we just weren't suited long term.

    That someone else then became my husband though 6 years later...!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi MikeS,

    Sorry to hear that you are going through your first break-up, break-ups can be difficult emotional times and bring with them all sorts of emotions, some people are left feeling devastated like a part of them is missing, whilst others can feel relieved.

    It really depends on the relationship - who is involved and what the situation is. During a break up it can really helpful to surround yourself with friends and family, people who you can trust will we there to listen and offer support when you need it, or indeed - keep posting here! :)

    In terms of how long it takes to get over someone again it depends on the individual some people take longer that others.

    Let us know how you're getting on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for all your replies guys. Some really insightful stories! Great to see how much they vary, seems there is no 'norm' for this kinda thing. For some personal reasons I'm not going to share my story but I appreciate y'all sharing and the advice some of you gave. :)

    Cheers again wonderful people. :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Great topic to post about MikeS, relevant to so many of us! Some really interesting stories as well, this one in particular got me thinking:
    Cat88 wrote: »
    Hi, happy to share my story :)

    I was 18 and off to uni after being with my first proper boyfriend for over a year and a half. In all honesty we just drifted apart and grew up

    Thinking about long-distance relationships and uni...

    Do you reckon the distance and not seeing each other often is too much strain to put on a relationship?

    Do you think that people might be at risk of missing out on the chance of 'new experiences'?

    Do you think that people who have been together for longer are less likely to split?

    :chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Redrose wrote: »
    Do you reckon the distance and not seeing each other often is too much strain to put on a relationship?

    I don't think it's too much strain but it can certainly be a lot. I think as time goes by though, you're constantly learning new ways to manage that strain.
    Redrose wrote: »
    Do you think that people might be at risk of missing out on the chance of 'new experiences'?

    I guess it all depends on what that new experience is and what you have in mind regarding, but I don't think anyone would be at the risk of missing out really.
    Redrose wrote: »
    Do you think that people who have been together for longer are less likely to split?

    Not at all - everyone is different, every relationship is different, in my opinion it all depends on what an individual is thinking and feeling. It depends on how in love you remain. It depends on whether an individual can personally handle the distance. Sure, there's a limit but there are certainly things you can do to help keep the relationship growing. But that could stop at any time, no matter how long you've been together.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Everything Butterfly said. ^ :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi MikeS!

    Sorry to hear you are going through a break up... how are you doing now? Hope these stories are helping - there's lots of other support out there if you feel you need a little extra boost!

    My first break up was awful (at the time)... I really felt like my life was over! I look back and laugh at it now and the whole experience has definitely made me more resilient and independent :) also, a lot more choosy in boyfriends! I'd never have believed it at the time but time really did heal everything...
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