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Took My Pregnant Ex Back - But....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So in May 2014 my ex wife told me she wasn't in love with me and was planning to move in with her new man. We had been together for 13 years and have three kids. Anyway, to cut a long story short, she tried to leave late one night with the kids, i told her she wants leaving with them at that time and because i hadn't agreed the place they were going. Anyway she called the police and said i physically removed her from the house, and had a mate (who wasn't about) back this up. I was arrested and charged, i was in and our of court for a few months and was found not guilty.

She fell pregnant in September and come October she was fishing to see how i felt about her. I still love her, and always will. Anyway, I offered to help her leave this new man and set up on her own but she kept telling me she wanted to come home. Come December I agreed to try again with her, but i made sure she was 100% sure etc, and that i was too. Anyway, when she left the new man, he was saying things like, shes only going back with you because your financially stable with good job and bought house etc, where he lives in a poky flat and not got 2p to rub together. I asked her about this and she said it was lies.

However, since shes been back we have not been intimate, I mean i get the odd peck and hug but nothing more. I have tried talking with her about it, but she just says its her and not me and that it feels weird and that shes not used to me. I spoke with a Friend of mine and he said if anyone should be having an issue getting intimate it should be me, after all, she was the one with another man and is now pregnant.

I have told her that i will accept the baby as mine, but the new man wants to be a part of baby's life, and i said i was OK with this too. I have tried to show her and explain to her how much she means to me, but worried in case she is really only back with me because i can support her and the kids in a way the new fancy man couldn't;t. Any advice would be great.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont have any experience of being pregnant but that might have something to do with it? I imagine its not the most erotic time of a womans life...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have not been intimate, because she is not in love with you. For christ's sake, she tried to put you in prison and wouldn't give a shit if you rotted away for a few years innocently, while she takes your kids from you. You are her safe choice. She is pregnant and needs someone to provide for her, but nobody else wants her. I mean people fall out of love all the time, but they try not to rob their spouse of their children and try to imprison them. You are a tool for taking her back and I would not be in the slightest surprised if she fucks off again once the gave birth.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This must be a difficult time for you both...
    Wanting to be intimate may take some time, there is trust issues between you and your wife. She only moved back in, in December, take some time to build up your relationship again...do the odd date night and talk through issues.
    it takes time to rebuild a relationship and she is pregnant with another man baby which may be causing her anxiety and stress and these are factors in killing one's sex drive.

    It might be worth while taking part in couples counseling where you can talk openly about stress in your lives


    the link I have added is about low cost counseling in England.

    Hope all goes well for you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Curr946 , welcome to the boards :wave:

    It seems like you've really been supportive and understanding with your wife. You have clearly been through a lot with her, and still love her, which shows, and you made a conscious decision to get back together with her and bring up the new baby by this other man, giving your marriage another chance.

    As others have said, these things take time. If she only moved back in december, and is pregnant (which could also affect her sex drive), it can take time to get back to how things used to be. For you both to adjust to this new situation might feel a little shaky at first. In the meantime though, make sure you keep talking to each other about everything. It seems like you do, which is good.

    As lisalashe mentioned, counselling could help you both discuss these issues, as well as any other you may have.

    Keep up the communication with her and give it a little more time to see how this can develop *hug* do let us know how you get on
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