Silly guilty anxiety feelings.

Former Member

Firstly I'm sorry Jam (james) if this thread is in the wrong place, it kinda covers more than one thing so I just went eenie meenie minee mo
This one is long too - sorry


Anyway - I have a bit of bother with anxiety and depression and how it effects my need for people and how I interpret their communication with me. I either think too hard and get upset over nothing that I just read wrong, feel super guilty for messaging someone only to find out they are busy taking care of someone else (dont want to be a burden on them) freak out if I don't get a reply when I am expecting one because it leaves something unfinished or I start to feel ignored. Eventually I get to the point where I end up believing that I am better off on my own. Which makes depression worse for me :banghead:

I have friends, many of whom are adults. I don't know why I've always found it easy to be in their comapany ( i am a young adult myself 18+) but I'm still not really old enough to spend significant amount of time with them as much as I'd love too because they are really cool and supportive people to me - it just makes me a bit sad that I am a bit too young for it right now for it to be seen as okay in societys eyes.
It also makes me feel really needy to want the company of certain people which i hate because i don't mean to come across that way - I just like being in their company.
I also get guilty because of this and I feel like I shouldn't be friends and talk to them i the first place and I start to formulate lot of silly ideas about them...

It just really gets me down. I wish I didn't feel so guilty about silly little things like this.

Former Member

Hi Jazzmaraz

I think your post is in the right place. It does sound like you're worrying a lot about how other will see you, and how your communications will affect them. And on the flipside, it sounds like you're quite strongly affecting by other people's actions (for example not texting back) at the moment.

It's really good that you're able to recognise these patterns, even if that doesn't always change the way that you feel. That's a really important step to being able to change them

Try not to feel guilty about messaging someone when they're dealing with something else. You can't expect to know what everyone's doing, and I think whenever we ask for support there's a risk that the person is busy. But it's still really important to be able to reach out.

It sounds like part of you knows that you wouldn't really be better off on your own. However difficult the feelings that relationships bring up can be, it's really important to have other people around. Even though it might not feel like it all of the time, your doing a positive thing by keeping engaging with people and then facing the feelings it brings up in you.

What you said about your friends - it sounds like you're feeling that you need them more than they need you, which must be a really hard thing to feel. Do you also have friends who you do feel more on a level with?

It's probably worth noting that from the way you describe your guilty and anxious feelings, it seems quite likely that you would feel needy whether or not you come across that way to other people, so it might not be as bad as you think from other people's perspective.

Keep talking, those patterns that you're struggling are things that you can work on

Former Member

Danny Thankyou so much for that :-)
I have other friends but they don't really understand like the others do.
I worry about how people judge me because I've had really bad experiences in the last where i opened up to someone but they knocked me down because they couldn't understand what I was trying to explain to them at all, a lot of people in real life has this opinion of me that I'm always happy and mature so when I really need help they don't believe it's as urgent as it is. Then I worry people will just think I'm whiny or attention seeking because of this.
It makes my anxiety a lot worse because I already get trapped in thoughts of denial anyway so it makes it worse :-P

Former Member

You're welcome I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences of opening up in the past. While it would be dishonest of me to say that there aren't more people around like that, I can also say that there are definitely people who are capable of listening and understanding.

From what you say, it sounds like you might have two quite strong positions there:

One the one hand, even if you're feeling bad on the inside, you must present yourself relatively confidently if people always see you as happy and stable. (This is a fairly common way of coping with anxieties and feelings that you don't think other people will understand.)

On the other hand, it sounds like when you need a bit of support or understanding, you feel that people won't understand, and that they would see your need negatively.

Does that sound like I've understood?

Former Member

Got it in one Danny! c:

I'm struggling wiht anxiety quite a bit at the moment. I do try my very best to carry on as normal - personally i don't like it when people keep asking me whats the matter when im low for a long period of time, i'd rether forget about it... but other times i wish people would notice or just ask me. It can be quite difficult through all the anxiety to understand who to go to or ask or what to do because it circulates round my head and by the time i make a decision i'm usually worse than when i began.

I worry so much about how other people react to me - mainly because a lot of what I'm experiencing is "out of character" and as I mentioned sometimes im seen as the person whos not allowed to be down etc

thanks for replying to me on this Danny!

Former Member

That's no problem Jazzmaraz, always happy to chat

I wonder whether there's a way of finding a middle ground where you don't have to share everything that's going on for you at any one time, but you could share some of it? That way, you could test the water a bit with not always being the happy one, without having to take big risks. Sometimes anxiety can be a result of not feeling able to express how you're feeling, so you might feel a bit calmer if you didn't put on quite so much of a front? I know it's not easy but it might be something to work towards.

You say it's hard to work out what to do when everything's flying around your head, do you think you could make a plan in advance when you're feeling less anxious? For example, it might be that there's someone you feel a bit more comfortable with, and you'll try them next time you're struggling. Or it might be that there's something you decide you're happier talking about than something else, so you plan for example that you will talk about work/study stress when someone asks what's wrong, but that you don't want to go into your general anxiety at this point.

I wonder if anyone else has been in this kind of situation, or has found some useful ways of letting other people in safely?

Former Member

I've made some good progress this week although it was really hard and I had to get people to make me get there but I ended up opening up to my tutor, had an extra counselling session and going to a psycho-educational course next week!! i did need my friends and teachers though to pretty much make me do it because id go to do it then chicken out - but i still did it.

And Danny no one else seems to read this other than us!

Former Member

I'm really pleased to read that Good work!

It is hard when you start opening up, so it's absolutely fine to have a push from people who care about you. Do keep going, it does sound like the more you can be yourself, the better you'll end up feeling.

Former Member

:-) Thankee