Think I'm going down hill again

Former Member

I've been "well" for the past 6 months or so (ish). I've still struggled, but I've not felt chronically suicidal and have functioned pretty well. However, now I feel like I might be getting depressed again, and actually in reality there is probably very little I can do about it.

I feel like my mind has slowed down, I'm sleeping loads.. partly because I'm exhausted and partly because there is nothing else I feel like doing. Getting up in the morning is torture.

I'm already on anti-depressants. I don't think I want to come off them and try something new as they might have had a massive positive influence on my wellbeing up until now - I'm not sure.

I know that I will not meet the criteria for a referral to the CMHT. My GP really wanted me to be under the care of a psychiatrist, partly due to the medication I'm on, and partly because of my life being a bit unstable atm. I'm not in crisis though, and there are plenty of people who are. I got discharged from the CMHT twice when I was a lot more ill than this. As for psychological therapy, well everyone knows that the funding is a total joke and there won't be any sort of provision for me.

So what exactly does that leave me with? Keeping my mouth shut and bracing myself for the struggle.

Former Member

Hi yellowseahorse

I'm sorry that you're having such a bad time at the moment Has something changed recently that could have affected your mood? What's going on for you?

When you've been through seriously bad times, it is natural to worry about feeling that way again. That can make dips and lows take on an even greater importance if they make you worry you're going there again. I don't know if that is relevant to how you're feeling, but it's worth thinking about.

Please don't keep your mouth shut! We're here

And if you can't get anything through your GP, there are some other options:

I don't know what you might have tried before, but for free or affordable psychotherapy it's worth checking:

• Local Mind organisations
  
• Mind's Infoline, which might be able to help find local support
  
• Youth Access Directory has local counsellnig, advice and information services
  
• If you have local training schools for e.g. psychotherapists, they might also be able to offer affordable rates. You could have an internet search.

Do any of those sound like they could work?

Former Member

Well my dad's cancer is now in his brain.

I tried everything when I was ill before. Mind only seem to offer services in the daytime and I can't afford the rates of even the most junior of trainee psychotherapists.

Former Member

yellowseahorse wrote: »

Well my dad's cancer is now in his brain.

I tried everything when I was ill before. Mind only seem to offer services in the daytime and I can't afford the rates of even the most junior of trainee psychotherapists.

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this bad news *hug*

I don't feel I have any words, but my thoughts are with you.

Former Member

You've got good self awareness, which is a great start. Life hasn't exactly thrown you a soft ball with the situation you're trying to deal with at the moment - and you're doing brilliantly. First things first, try not to get too worried that this might be the start of a massive deterioration. As a bit of a context check. It's January. It's cold, it's dark, it's miserable outside, the sparkle of Christmas is over and the next interesting seasonal feature or holiday season that anyone has to look forward to is Easter, which is flipping miles away. I'm not for a minute trying to belittle anything you're feeling, but maybe give you a little reassurance that a bit of a down turn in January happens to absolutely everyone.

How do you get on with your GP at the moment? It sounds like there isn't much available in the CMHT for you through them - but it could be worth considering the odd bog standard GP appointment if you get on reasonably well with them. Not really expecting them to do anything, just for a quick chat - to get someone to validate the assessment you've made of the situation and to be aware that things aren't as glossy as they were 6 months ago.

Another option could be macmillan. I don't know what they've got around where you're at uni - but you might find they've got someone you can have a chat/rant with on some of the worries you've got with your dad. They won't have any magic solutions - but it might be a bit of an outlet and a reassurance.
xx

Former Member

Cheers

GP - it's difficult. She seems to want to push me into another "fight" in terms of getting a referral. And that's when she doesn't even know that I've started feeling a bit worse.

Also impossible system makes it impossible to see her. It's a call up at 8.30 on the day job. Not just for emergency appointments but ALL appointments. I start work at 8.00 and need an element of planning when it comes to being able to take time off, so there's people around to cover my workload.

Former Member

Hey yellow, just thought I'd check in and see how things have been over the last few days?

Getting to the GP when you work full time can be really hard and you're right, they don't make it easy in terms of trying to book appointments! :banghead:

This is just a thought but don't forget that taking a day off sick for your mental health is just as valid as a day off for food poisoning or flu. Employers differ of course in their understanding and you may not feel able to tell them why you're off sick but I wonder if a day off to get to the docs, maybe do something nice for yourself might help? As Scary says, GPs aren't a magical answer but the space just to have that chat may help. As I said, just a thought but wanted to share it in case it was helpful.

Do you have any go-to ways that can help you cope that have worked before? Being in the company of a friend or making a plan to look forward to? Or even just a nice bash with a Lush bath bomb You're doing really well with everything that's going on, hang in there *hug*