Ditching medication - should I go back on it? (Has been a while)

Former Member

Sup?
it's been a while since I was last on here. Been trying to sort myself out, and it seemed to improve slightly by having weekly therapy, and improving slightly was better than nothing at all even if it was just the routine of getting to the clinical psychologist once a week keeping me going. Problem is that it's been about six months since it came to an end and during that time I've basically just bombarded my GP with phone calls and appointments, because my mood gets so low and lately have reverted back to SH for relief, tho I worry there is something implanted in me and want to find it too. I can talk to my gp and bless him he does try and there's no beating around the bush, he will tell me if I'm close to getting sectioned or am psychotic again or if he's gonna contact someone. But like he said during a crisis that got me picked up by police afterwards, he isn't trained for this stuff. I've been changing antidepressants a few times as well and currently on venlafaxine but not sure about it.

I don't trust my CPN, CMHT, as they've proved unreliable, and my beliefs about them -the delusional ones (supposedly)- is a massive barrier to my contacting them, and I do tend to get rather angry with them too but I think that stems from what I believe is post traumatic stress from sectionings and getting a very upsetting discharge report written about me that had completely made up stuff and a bullshit dx that totally invalidated my experiences and distress.

I came off the antipsychotics about 18 months ago and have slowly got all these memories back, have felt creative again, have got a range of emotions and feel less physically weighed down, plus have lost just over 1stone of the 3 stone I put on from the drugs! So I'm sure the reader understands that i really do not want to be on these drugs, like ever again. Problem is that my current CPN (I was with a early intervention service but my 3 years finished and moved to normal CMHT) keeps talking about how I should be on an antipsychotic and talks about depot injections (which I was never forced to have previously, thank God!) and this really scares me because I witnessed other ladies on the ward being held and injected and it gave me such intense fear I pretended to be ok just to get out. I'm worried that my recent unstable moods, self harm, increasing voices and visions and psychotic ramblings will get so intense I may do something very damaging that will set me right back and put my family through another whole load of shit.

I just wanted to get this out and maybe see what people think. Should I go back on the drugs despite being sensitive to them and getting a lot of unwanted effects? I know how the system works now and that has also made me angry because it doesn't seem to help people, just a tranquilizing system really on different levels, though if you've ever experienced akathisia then you know it's not 'tranquil' at all! Does anyone have experience of depot injections? please let me know because I have a very strong feeling that that side of things is an inevitability.

I'm 27 this year, I'm tired and need an end to this. People don't trust me to be by myself but obviously I need my privacy.
Thanks

Former Member

Hey Nutter, welcome back

First of all, I just wanted to say that I've added paragraph breaks to your post, just to make it a little easier to read. Hope that's okay.

From what you've written, it sounds as though you're not getting a whole lot of support that's actually feels helpful and you're worried things might be beginning to spiral a bit. Is that kind of what it feels like?

Mental heath medication can be so hit and miss, and it sounds like you've got a lot of experience of that. I can totally see why you're not keen on going back on the anti-psychotics, particularly given the advantages of being off them. I haven't come across depot medication before, but the Royal College of Psychiatrists have some useful-looking info on depot meds that might be worth a read.

If I've understood you correctly, you came off the meds and around the same time (of just after) started having weekly therapy sessions. Is that about right? You say that these sessions were actually helpful, which is really positive. From the sound of it, those sessions ending left quite a hole, which your GP just isn't set up to make up for. Do you think having those kind of sessions again would help?

It seems that you're pretty keen to talk to someone who's been through something similar or at least has experience of depot meds. I don't know if you're aware of the Hearing Voices Network, but they they run lots of local support groups and have an online forum for anyone who has unusual perceptions (e.g. hearing voices, having unusual beliefs etc.). For more general support around mental health, you could also talk to Sane.

Let us know how you're getting on

Former Member

Hi, I'm still not getting support. GP feels stuck, doesn't know what to do with me, as is usually the case with anyone I open up to. I'm a very difficult and "arduous" person, so I've been told in the past but not by gp. Have decided not to see gp so often, if at all, there's not much point.

Meds are extremely neurotoxic and imo should be last resort, if that. Bad pharma. Bad psychiatry. Evil nonsense.

Talking just seems futile tbh. It was good for me back then but not sure what good it would do me now. If I'm such a difficult person then why bother?
Still no contact from the team. Every work day that they don't call, write or visit is to me like being stabbed in the back. "We're here to support you" Really? Odd way of showing it. I found out today that my shrink has left. This information was from another patient, not the team. I didn't see this doctor much, it's just the fact no one has told me.

Nope, cannot rely on these people. They've done far too much harm. PTSD from their "hospital" and "medication" and "crisis team" and "early intervention in psychosis" aka take the pills that make you worse and have side effects that they think are "the illness" and if you don't take them you might be sectioned and experience more trauma both physical and mental, and so the glorious cycle of elitist oppression continues.

Time to be alone again. Or take all my hoarded pills.

Former Member

OK, limited experience here as I've only had a brief spell on anti-psychotics but I've had a lot of therapy over the years and I often feel after 6 months I'm crawling the walls again. Different people still need space and time to put things that may or may not seem like reality into perspective. Have they talked about coping strategies instead of meds? I think its important to tell them (in a constructive way) you feel its been a very inconsistant service. You can always ask for a different CPN as well.

Have you heard of Maytree? I went there when I was at my lowest and although you can only stay for a short period of time (5 days I think) it stopped me going into hospital and gave me support like nowhere else has if you're feeling suicidal.