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First Time - Painful!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Last night me and my boyfriend tried to have sex (my first time), but was extremely painful when he tried to enter... He got a tiny bit inside me before I had to tell him to stop.
Is this because I wasn't wet enough or could it be something else? I don't know what we can do to get me more aroused and into it, as the foreplay beforehand went on for a bit - what if he can't turn me on?!
He was really understanding, but I'm worried to try again as it just really, really hurt.
I also bled a bit after that and still a bit of blood now even though it was yesterday.
What can we do to resolve this so next time it's much enjoyable and a hell of a lot less painful?


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Savannahh,

    If your BF's penis is the first thing to try and enter your vagina, then it is going to be painful the first time, that's unavoidable I think. Its because its so tight.

    I would suggest foreplay with actually fingering you? (or you doing it alone)

    I wouldn't say that you not being wet is an indicator of whether he turns you on because I have been with a girl who got really wet every time before I entered her through touching and kissing (never needed lube), and I have also been in a long relationship with a girl who was quite dry down there and I always had to have a bottle of lube ready. Everyone's different.

    I guess you would know if you were turned on by him, if you felt the passion and wanted him, although as this is early doors in your sexual experience with each other, I am sure that nerves are playing a big part too and may mask other feelings somewhat?

    The first time I did foreplay with the girl who we lost our virginity's to each other, we did not have sex for the first three times we went to bed with each other, but she bled on the first two times a bit with the foreplay, that's normal I think, I guess you just have to take it slow, don't rush it, enjoy each others company and bodies, lay with each other, cuddle etc, enjoy it, neither of you are going anywhere.

    By the way, if you wasn't wet, buy some lube :)

    Make sure you use protection though :)

    It will happen in time. Don't think of his penis entering you as the goal that you have to reach, just enjoy laying with each other and taking it a bit further each time.

    Hope that helps a little bit.

    Good luck!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Savannahh :)

    I just wanted to add to Localboy's great advice. When you are new to sex, one of the best things you can do is to take things slowly for several reasons. First of all, both you and your partner are getting to know your body, so by taking things slowly, you can learn how your body reacts to different acts/stimuli and what feels good or doesn't feel too good and communicate this to each other.
    • You mentioned that the foreplay went on for a while and that the attempt at sex was still painful and you're worried that your boyfriend can't turn you on. Did the foreplay feel good?

      This is important in order to get your body ready for sex and make it more enjoyable as a whole. If something doesn't feel good, you can experiment with different techniques (either alone if you are comfortable with your own body or with your boyfriend) until something works for you. If the foreplay isn't pleasurable, it won't help to arouse you even if it does last for a long time.

      Depending on how relaxed or nervous you are feeling, your body may take a little while to "warm up" so to speak. So if you are experiencing pain during insertion, it could be that your body isn't yet ready for it.
    • Sometimes if you push forward anyway, there can be bleeding. However, if this is something that is concerning you, you can get checked out at your local sexual health clinic just to be sure that there isn't anything more serious.

      It is not very likely that this is the case, but sometimes infections can cause painful sex and you can get certain kinds even if you have not been sexually active in the past, so it is worth getting a clean bill of health beforehand to rule anything out (for him too!)
    • As Localboy mentioned, lube can be very useful for helping things along, whether you are experienced or inexperienced. People also vary in terms of how wet they get down there, and even the same person may find that they don't respond the same every time, so lube is handy for ensuring an easier, more comfortable insertion during sex. If you do decide to try lube, make sure to get something that says it is safe for usage with condoms. In general, water-based is fine but anything oil based lube can cause condoms to break.
    • Finally, you didn't mention what position you tried. Some people find that different positions are more comfortable that others. For example, the girl might find it easier to ease into first time sex when she is on top with control over depth and speed.

    When it's a person's first time with sex, it can take a few tries to get it right so don't worry and best of luck! :)
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