What should I do?

So my sister is the only one who knows that I'm Transgender. The thing is, she is threatening to tell my mum. She doesn't understand what it is like for me, and that my mum is filled with worry, because there is something wrong with my brother's unborn baby. She won't let me tell my mum in my own time, when I feel the time is right to tell her, and makes me worried that when I'm not around, she will tell her. Do I tell my mum now, or wait?

Comments

  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 234 The Mix convert
    Hi @TitchP15

    I'm sorry to hear that your sister is threatening to tell your mum before you are comfortable doing so, that's a very worrying situation. You absolutely should be able to tell who you want, when you want, in your own time - it's yours to tell so I understand this must be frustrating for you. Why would your sister threaten to tell your mum, is it during arguments? Have you talked your sister through your concerns on timing with your brother's baby?

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • PositiveAuraPositiveAura Posts: 150 Two little ducks
    Hey @TitchP15

    I'm also sorry to hear about your difficult situation, I have just commented on another of your posts and wanted to ease your mind a little here too.

    I'd say similar things to the situation with your Dad. Keep in mind that it's about you being comfortable and ready to tell whoever you decide to. It's your journey and it should be done on your time.

    Do you think that perhaps you could have a calm conversation with your sister about how you are feeling to try and explain and help her understand?

    I can imagine that you may have already tried but actually setting a time to sit down and talk can help all the attention be on what you feel and think. As well as your sister, she may have questions etc. and clearing this up may help her understand that you're not ready and it's your life, therefore it's only yours to tell.

    Just in case you didn't see the link I posted on your previous post all about coming out, here it is: http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/gender-and-sexuality/how-to-come-out-3741.html

    -PositiveAura
  • FranFran Posts: 118 Two little ducks
    Hey @TitchP15,
    It's so sad to hear that you are feeling this way because of that situation with your sister.
    As PositiveAura said, how about having a new conversation with your sister? Maybe you could try to ask her to tell you the reasons why she is so urged to tell your mom about that. Maybe it could also be good to let her think about the fact that your decision about waiting some time before talking to her about you being transgender doesn't depend only on you (even if this reason alone would be enough as you have every right to take your own time before talking), but also on the difficult moment your mother is living.
    Maybe giving your sister the opportunity to talk to you about her feelings could help you both sort this situation out.

    Hope everything gets better for you all,

    Fran
  • TitchP15TitchP15 Posts: 7 Newbie
    Thanks for the advice. I tried talking to my sister, but she decided to tell my mum behind my back after blackmailing me
  • PositiveAuraPositiveAura Posts: 150 Two little ducks
    Hi @TitchP15


    I can imagine it took a lot to talk to your sister, so first of all, well done for trying to communicate with her and to help her understand. At least you know that you did all that you could do. If the decision to wait/tell your Mum was really getting to you, causing worry and anxiety, I hope this isn't as bad now and you can focus on moving forward.

    I'm sorry to hear that your sister took those actions after you had spoken to her, though. How has everything been? I hope that your Mum has taken it well. But even if it takes time, or it's an emotional time, no matter what, keep focusing on yourself. No matter how others are being, your happiness and health are the most important things here.

    ​Even though you may not have been ready for this and it may all feel rushed, you are strong enough to work through it all! :) We are here on The Mix so please let us know how you are doing.


    ​-PositiveAura :rainbow2:
  • TitchP15TitchP15 Posts: 7 Newbie
    My mum kind of has mixed feelings, one minute saying she loves me no matter what, and then I think she keeps her feelings to not upset me. She has said we will talk more when I am ready, as I have to do my mocks then GCSE's
  • PositiveAuraPositiveAura Posts: 150 Two little ducks
    Hi @TitchP15 :wave:

    ​I can imagine it's hard to know how she is feeling and what she is thinking if you haven't talked everything over yet. But waiting sounds like the right thing to do since you have a lot on at the moment and this can distract you from all of that.

    ​But I want to say that it's good to hear she's responded positively, I hope that it has helped to settle your worries. I know you were concerned about how she may react but a parent saying that they love you no matter what is one of the best responses. It sounds very positive and even if she has some questions or you think she is keeping some things quiet to save your feelings, it shows that she cares about how you are feeling right now and must know that it's been difficult.

    ​From what you've said, it has all sounded quite rushed for you and now it will give you an opportunity to slow it down, focus on your studying and then slowly talk to your Mum about things. Do you think you'll be able to open up to her over time?

    ​I hope that you are feeling better and things settle for you whilst you have your exams.

    ​Good luck with your mocks and GCSEs!

    ​-PositiveAura:rainbow2:
  • FranFran Posts: 118 Two little ducks
    Hey @TitchP15!

    I totally agree with @PositiveAura: the answer your mom gave you is the best you could hope for!
    It's also good that she wants to talk about it more (it proves that she really cares) and it's delicate of her to wait for you to have your mocks and GCEs, as she may be wishing for you to have all the concentration and serendipity required to deal with them.
    as soon as you have finished them, you'll be able to talk about your feelings in a deeper and more detailed way.

    Good luck for everything :rainbow:

    - Fran
  • terenceterence Posts: 2 Noob
    TitchP15 said:
    My mum kind of has mixed feelings, one minute saying she loves me no matter what, and then I think she keeps her feelings to not upset me. She has said we will talk more when I am ready, as I have to do my mocks then GCSE's
    My mother is the same.
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