Friday Date- Awful! X
Basically on Friday we met up in town and we went to the park together. He then asked me if I wanted a hug so we did and he said he wanted to touch my belly (bump - pregnant at the moment- Pregnant again not planned post worth looking at) and play with my hair as that what I said I wanted him to do when I spoke to him on Thursday evening. Anyway we sat on a bench in the park and that's what we did. He did it for what seemed like 45mibs I think. Anyway it got to stage when he held my hair away from my neck that it made me feel like it was cut short again like what I did once I found out the news about being pregnant and what my ex did to me and therefore I then got flashbacks and emotional. Also I got emotional because of the fact he was feeling my bump and the fact he aid he wish it was his child and that he would raise it like it was his own if I wanted to keep the child. After about an hour I started to feel really insecure and I just put my hands in my head and was close to crying and he asked me if I was okay because I was so silent and he just let me sit there. He also wanted a kiss and I was ok with that to start off with but then he wanted a longer one and I know he was there enjoying it cause he was closing his eyes and moving my head closer to him so he could kiss me harder and he had both of his arms around my stomach. Anyway I got really uncomfortable so I pulled away and he asked if I was ok and I just said I was started to feel insecure and he was ok with that because he knew what ive been through in the past but in actual fact I was starting to feel really sick so I asked to go to the toilet where I was nearly sick and I started crying. He said after that I was really quiet when we were going round town to look at tattoo ideas because he wanted us to get matching tattoos, we didn't get them in the end but there is still plans to.
Anyway that is what happened in the date and I know I'm not ready for the relationship, its too early after everything that has happened recently. I want to tell him that I cant do it but at the same time I don't want to lose him as a friend because he has helped me so much.
Any tips? x