Tuesday Laughs

Some of the finest double entendres on British TV & Radio...

Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They
seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's just come in his
shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson
lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use
Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World
Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he
wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on
This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last
night."

Winning Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's
formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what
he sees."

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well
Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v
Lancashire, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft
hands he just tossed it off."

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like
this."

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What
does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Rubens Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today
after a 69."

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big
race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming
from different positions."

Steve Leonard, talking about vegetation on Vets In The Wild, told Trude:
"There's something big growing between my legs."

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live
said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed
and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight
inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the
set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing
so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and
kisses them... Oh my God!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics - "And there goes Juantorena down
the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got
eleven Dicks on the field"

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977- "Ah, isn't that
nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the
Oxford crew."

Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I
once rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl
Gibson comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn - Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"