Miscarriage...

Former Member · July 2003

Has anyone on here ever experienced a m/c? i know its a bit irelevant as someone is in hosp pregnant (lucky lucky thing!!) but yea....

I have m/c twice, once last year with a daughter and this year at 4weeks so dont know anything about the baby.

Im asking as i would love to chat with any one or anything i know a few girls thru a website i go on, but people on here are younger.

Thanx!

**TiNk** xXxXxXx

ps to all of you who are pregnant..im sooooo jealous!! lol.

Former Member · July 2003

It must be a really traumatic experience to go through a miscarriage. I hope I never have to know the pain of it.

Former Member · July 2003

It`s a LOT more common than most people realise. A quarter of a million women have a miscarriage in this country every year.

I`ve had 2 Tink, so I do know how it feels. Just to let you know I now have 4 children and another on the way, so don`t despair. Even though I know that`s easy to say, cause I did.

Former Member · July 2003

Tink, in your profile it says you are 15years old. Im sorry for your loss, but am wondering why it is you want to have a baby so desperatly when you are so very very young? Its hard enough to have a baby when youre a lot older. Youve got all the time in the world to have your own children. Id suggest counselling for you, partly for your loss and partly to find out why you want to become a mother when youre barely out of childhood yourself.

Former Member · July 2003

Originally posted by rainbow brite
Tink, in your profile it says you are 15years old. Im sorry for your loss, but am wondering why it is you want to have a baby so desperatly when you are so very very young? Its hard enough to have a baby when youre a lot older. Youve got all the time in the world to have your own children. Id suggest counselling for you, partly for your loss and partly to find out why you want to become a mother when youre barely out of childhood yourself.

I didn`t look at that.

Former Member · July 2003

Hmm you aint even 15 yet you want a babba?

I'd concentrate on your GCSEs!

Anyway yes the doctors thought i had a miscarriage when i was 14, but for some reason were never sure if it was that or something else (fuck knows) but i know for definate i had a miscarriage when i was 16 at 9/10 weeks. So yes i do understand what you've been through etc

Former Member · July 2003

oh my god. dont even get me started on this. Im sorry, but you're 15... dont do this to yourslef. I've had a miscarriage. I've also had an abortion. less than a month ago in fact. and i've also had a child. and i've only just turned 18. Dont do this to yourself. I know its hard, and i know how desperately you want a child... my termination was of a planned child. And it fucking kills me every day alright. talk to someone. get yourself in councilling. discuss your options. tell someone trusted (ie a councillor) how you're feeling. go to the doctor and tell them about your need for a child. some people get these maternal feelings early in life, but for gods sake try your damn hardest to fight them. you'll miss your life when you've got a child. i know they're beautiful,. they're cute, and the love you back... but they arent worth your only childhood. Pm me if you want... but please, dont throw your life away yet. it really isnt worth it. you want to be able to treat your child. you want a new cot, a new pushchair. you dont want your angel in second hand things. you dont want to scrimp and save, you want to enjoy their youth and let them have that nice new pair of shoes. you want to take them to the zoo and away on holiday, you want to give them horse riding lessons and maybe even a pony. I can hardly afford bus fare to take her inot town for the day. Think about it.

Former Member · July 2003

Originally posted by badabing
some people get these maternal feelings early in life, but for gods sake try your damn hardest to fight them. you'll miss your life when you've got a child. i know they're beautiful,. they're cute, and the love you back... but they arent worth your only childhood.

They don`t even love you back to start with. They just cry and scream and want feeding and changing round the clock. They`re totally dependant and your life is not your own. Getting anything done at all is almost impossible. Even going to the corner shop for a loaf of bread is like a military expedition.

Ok, it`s the same for everyone but this is not what you want to be doing at 15. If you want someone to love you back, get a pet. Babies don`t love you, they need you to give them all the love you have in you. And then some.

Former Member · July 2003

Originally posted by Miffy
They don`t even love you back to start with. They just cry and scream and want feeding and changing round the clock. They`re totally dependant and your life is not your own. Getting anything done at all is almost impossible. Even going to the corner shop for a loaf of bread is like a military expedition.

Ok, it`s the same for everyone but this is not what you want to be doing at 15. If you want someone to love you back, get a pet. Babies don`t love you, they need you to give them all the love you have in you. And then some.

:yes: she's right. And it took my mum 6 weeks to learn to love my brother. 6 weeks. It doesnt just come naturally. All that pain you've been through, sometimes over a day after you went into labour until the baby's there. And you hate the buggers in the first few weeks of pregnancy for making you so sick, and then you hate them even more later on for the back ache, and the waking up in the middle of the night due to kicking. All the fuss is superficial. All that "I want people to feel my bump" "I want people to ask me how long i've got left" "i want to choose names" that only lasts a very short time. Because its not that nice and cute and cuddly and satisfying when you're on your own, all your mates are out for a birthday or something, getting drunk, your family's out, and you're sick with flu, and you're sat in your room, probably of your mum's house, if not, of a hostal... or some damp flat somewhere with cracks in the wall... and you've got a 10 week old baby crying and crying and crying and crying, and you've run out of money. You have no food in the house. You're cold. You cant sleep. You've got post-natal depression. The baby knows how you're feeling, it can sense it. Its not nice. Its not happy. Its lonely and scary.
And what about the dad in all of this? Where is he? off fucking some 13 year old somewhere? or maybe his wife? or maybe you dont know... it depends which dad you're talking about... because of cours you're not sure who is the father here. What about that baby? Think about that poor child crying. It's scraed and it feels as lonely as you do.

Im not even going to go into how hard it is to pay for nappies. You know that. you're not stupid. people dont just jump into their pockets and give you money... not even your parents. Think yourself lucky if you get anything of the council, its not as easy at it looks. Id serisouly look into what you're entitled to before you go in there with a baby in your belly. Thats what i didnt do. I thought id just be entitled to the regular benefits that keeps all the other 14 year old parents going. But i wasnt. And I had to have a termination because i was too lazy to pop into town and talk to a financial advisor at connextions about my benefits, hence leaving me pregnant thinking id get some. i talk to my doctor, and it turns out i cant have anything. nothing. So i lost my baby.

Do you have a boyfriend? how long have you been with him? how does he feel about having a child? does he know how you feel? how old is he? does he really want to be a daddy at his age? chances are no. Mine certainly didnt, or the guy who got me pregnant, i cant really call him a boyfriend. And where is he now? Oh i dont know, his sister turned up once wanting to be an aunty, but hey... you cant have it like that.

Every time that baby fals asleep you're going to wander if its going to wake up again. Every time. Every time you fall asleep you're going to wake up thinking about whether your baby is alive or not. Or even there... the child snatchers around now adays... you cant leave them in a supermarket trolley's baby seat without worrying. Even if their two years old and you're holding their hand - people still take them.

You dont want that stress... you'll be a nervous wreck.

Having a baby is the hardest thing any woman will ever have to go through, its a thousand times harder when you haven't got the funds. Im sorry, I know I've waffled, but id do anything to stop another teenager turning their life into mine.

Former Member · July 2003

Hiya, just to say, both pregnancies were a mistake! both times due to failure of the pill, i know im young and me and my bf dont want a baby until after my exams etc etc etc! sooo dont start sayin all this pls! thank u!

im only asking cuz its a horrible thing to go thru, esp when your only young, just wana talk.

Badabing, my bf is 19 just, and he does want a baby when im older, just to let ya know.

Thanx for trying to pursuade me not to have a baby tho guys!

Former Member · July 2003

ahhh ok, all is forgiven.

Just you say 'teenage pregnancy' and there's me and I go off on one.

Still, i do think 'after your exams' is still a tad early. Wait until you're older. Enjoy your life lovey. but by all means have kiddies... they are the most wonderful thing in the world but you dont feel like that when you cant give them what they want, and in return, they act anf feel the way they do.

Good luck whatever you do anyway. And you are free to talk about your experiences here, we're all here to listen and offer advice, it was just when you said you were jealous of all the pregnant people on here... it made us all think that you shouldnt be at your age... and we just dont want you to put your whole life on hold, and cancel some of those wonderful things yu can only do when you're young... like being young.

Former Member · July 2003

Sorry if we got the wrong end of the stick Tink.

Former Member · July 2003

my heart goes out to anyone who has a miscarriage, it makes me so sad.
at 15 i reckon you are a little too young to have a baby just because you are still young yourself.
i long to have a baby and i fear i may not be able to because of my health. i know how much i want a baby, i feel ready for one, so i can only imagine how hard it is for a woman to be pregnent and lose the child. that must be devastating. my boss had 2 miscarriages and both times i could have sobbed for her.
i cant know what it is like to experience miscarriage but i know how it feels to long for a child.
ps . to avoid this happening again( as you say they were both mistakes (god i hate that saying when it comes to babies)) but (if you can) you should use a condom as well as the pill, to save you from any more heart ache xx take care pal x

Former Member · July 2003

I know this is going to sound harsh but you shouldn't be having babies until you are a mature responsible adult with a secure home and finances, getting pregnant and landing a council house and income support does not count. I also think that at 19 your boyfriend is very irresponsible and immature for even thinking of having a child with you even leaving a year's gap. It's also statutory rape, him having sex with you.

Former Member · July 2003

Former Member · November 2003

Not completely true...the law may be slightly different depending on how far under the age of consent you are but it doesn't mean once you are over 13 the 'man' can't be prosecuted

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/special_report/1999/02/99/e-cyclopedia/437789.stm

And in Tinks case her 18 year old boyfriend (An adult) was sleeping with a 13/14 year old (Presuming it was the same guy for both pregnancies.

Was the 'failure' of the pill actually just a 'failure' to take it properly?

Imagine being pregnant at 14 ... imagine wanting to be a parent at 14!!!!!!! Jesus, I really hope my kids have more sense!

Former Member · November 2003

Originally posted by byny

And in Tinks case her 18 year old boyfriend (An adult) was sleeping with a 13/14 year old (Presuming it was the same guy for both pregnancies.

Was the 'failure' of the pill actually just a 'failure' to take it properly?

Imagine being pregnant at 14 ... imagine wanting to be a parent at 14!!!!!!! Jesus, I really hope my kids have more sense!

same guy :yes: , Failure of the pill was cuz i was on anti-biotics not cos i was taking it wrong. and i didnt chose for it to happen and i know u think im stupid from saying you hope your kids have more sense, its not that i dont have sense i just never thought on about the medicine i was on.

oh and why the hell has this come up again?! i posted this ages ago! lol. x

Former Member · November 2003

hope im not intruding on the thread here but badabing i think you've just put me off having my own kids for life :eek2: - and I'm the guy not the girl who has to go through it all!!!!

Former Member · November 2003

ahh richy sorry mate! its not really as bad as that if you are stable in both emotional and financial positions. as long as you have a happy and supportive relationship, the means and security to provide your child with a good upbringing, you'll be fine! money makes a hell of a differance.

Former Member · November 2003

Originally posted by badabing
ahh richy sorry mate! its not really as bad as that if you are stable in both emotional and financial positions. as long as you have a happy and supportive relationship, the means and security to provide your child with a good upbringing, you'll be fine! money makes a hell of a differance.

Too true. They say money isn`t everything, and it`s not, but it sure as shit helps.

Miscarriage...

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