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For under 18's only please.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok im curious of a couple of things and id like to make this an under 18 response thing, no offence to all you old barstewards but I dont want to know your response 
Lets set the scene.
You have a boyfriend/girlfriend and you decide you want to have a sexual relationship. Your parents find out and they ban you from seeing this guy/gal. You are still living with your parents so basically are told you live with our rules, end of story.
Would you stick by the rules ?
How would you have preferred them to handle the situation ?
Has this happened to you and you went against their wishes and they found out ?
Why im asking is my friend has basically banned her Daughter from seeing her boyfriend because she had the sense to go on the pill and her Mum found out. I think my friend was very silly the way she handled the situation. I personally feel she should have sat down and talked with her Daughter, rather than get on her high horse and say what she did. Ive told my friend what i think and now im curious as to how your parents handled the situation.
Just for the record they are both 16.
Thank you very muchly
Lets set the scene.
You have a boyfriend/girlfriend and you decide you want to have a sexual relationship. Your parents find out and they ban you from seeing this guy/gal. You are still living with your parents so basically are told you live with our rules, end of story.
Would you stick by the rules ?
How would you have preferred them to handle the situation ?
Has this happened to you and you went against their wishes and they found out ?
Why im asking is my friend has basically banned her Daughter from seeing her boyfriend because she had the sense to go on the pill and her Mum found out. I think my friend was very silly the way she handled the situation. I personally feel she should have sat down and talked with her Daughter, rather than get on her high horse and say what she did. Ive told my friend what i think and now im curious as to how your parents handled the situation.
Just for the record they are both 16.
Thank you very muchly
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Comments
Her mum stopped her seeing her first serious boyfriend, because she didn't like the idea. My friend would go round to his house in the school dinner hour and so on. They still managed a sexual relationship, and were together for over two years.
By stopping them seeing each other, I'd say your friend was just making things worse. She'll just have made them more determind to see each other. If she had been more leniant, her daughter would be more likely to stick to whatever rules she did make about the situation.
id be gutted to be honest, and think that my parents were being totally out of order, and yes - id probably rebel.
If im old enough and mature enough to be in a relationship where both parties want and consent to taking the next, very natural, step into a more adult relationship, and i have enough sense to take the precautions; ie. go on the pill, id expect a little understand, and even respect from my parents.
not every young girl has the maturity to step up to the consequences and responsibilties and take it into her own hands to go and sort out contraception. id be very proud of my daughter if she grew up to be able to do that.
some 16 year olds dont even take the initiative to go to the dotors on their own if or when there is a problem. but to go to prevent a problem is something to be proud of.
I think the only person in that situation who is being immature is the parent. i dont think she's handled the situation to the best of her ability, and from being a young woman myself - who has been in the same situation, i think it is so much more effective, even if embarrassing, for your parent to sit down with you and talk to you like the young adult that you are, just to make sure you are happy about the step you and your boyfriend have decided to take together.
the thing people forget is that sex is natural. and it happens for the first time, for many people when they're in their teenage years. its going to happen whether your parents or whoever think or want it to or not. you can not stop anyone seeing anyone else without tying them down and sticking their eyes together. its morally wrong to force someone to stop a young adult from seeing another young adult. that is exactly how young people grow and mature - through experience.
the only thing your friend is doing is pushing her daughter away from her. she's causing her daughter to hate her and disrespect her opinions; in the future her daughter is going to be extremely hurt by what your friend has done, and may never forgive her - this boy is the love of her life; probably her first love, and for all we know possibly even her last. All id say to your friend was to let her duaghter make her own decisions, and her own mistakes. People dont learn from other people's mistakes - but they remember when people forcably hurt them, and they get scarred by these things for life. your friends daughter could well hold this against her for the rest of her life - love is a very important thing to a young woman, and its so very important when the other party loves them back. dont let your friend stop that. what will be will be. let your friend know she has a mature young woman there - and absolutely nothing to worry about. her duaghter is not going to get pregnant. she's not going to run off with this boy and get married in gretna green. that is, of course, unless your friend makes a mistake right now.
when i was 13, i went to a family friend's party where my dads band were playing and my family were there and everyone was having a good time. i bumped into a black guy who lived around the corner from us. he was 24. i was seen later on leaving the men's toilet, followed shortly behind by him. i hadnt done anything with him other than kissed him, he hadnt touched me, and i hadnt touched him. but my dad, and my brother, both went round to this guys house on seperate occasions to 'have words' although he wasnt in. i think they both caught up with him once though. looking back - and knowing that he did try and touch me, although i wouldnt let him, i understand that what happened was wrong. i was 13 years old and he was nearly 25, and it should have happened, and my dad and my brother were probably both right, but being young and niave i didnt understand at the time - and i actually quite liked the guy, but i got very angry with my brother and dad for trying to hurt him, because they didnt seem to realise i went into that toilet with him out of my own free choice. i couldltn accept the fact that they didnt want to acknowledge that i wanted to kiss him, and he didnt take advantage of me. and that hurt, and there was much tension in my house over that situation - and still is. even though i know now that they were both right in their reactions (however unproductive their way of dealing with it was), i still know that it upset me at the time, and i hated what they had tried to do to him; and being so young i guess i couldnt see it from a father's point of view. i understand now why they did what they did, but there's still that 13 year old girl inside me who really liked that 25 year old man, and who didnt appreciate the fact that my father couldnt accept that.
As you have said she will be more determined to see him. I know she does not like the thought of her little girl is now growing up but Ive told her she has to let go sometime. I see where she is coming from to a degree and basically she does not want Jo to get hurt, but she has to learn by her own mistakes.
Now I need to talk my friend round because Ive had a talk with Jo today and she obviously aint happy. Shes angry, upset and all the rest with her Mum and they have had a megga barney.
hhhmmm thats something for tomorrow.
thanks again
Which has resulted in my mum & sis not speaking to each other for about 4 years now.
.:Crispy:.
It was with my long-term(ish!) bofriend and I decided to go on the pill, so basically - although I was quite scared - I told my mum about it, because I didn't want to be 'on medication' as it were without someone else apart from my boyfriend knowing about it. My mum had always told me not to feel I couldn't talk to her about sex, even though we don't have a reeeeeaally open relationship about it.
When I told her, I could tell she wasn't happy with the situation, but she accepted it because she realised at the end of the day it was my choice - and I think she was happy that I felt able to tell her. She did say she didn't want anything 'undecorous' going on in our house when anyone else was around! But I guess that's fair enough....
oh and theres no chance ill be living by my parents rules if they told me to stop seeing someone
She does have a rule about no boys in bedrooms but as soon as i start paying rent, which will be within the next week or so if i get the job im going for that rule will be out the window too. ive had a proper talk about this with her and weve made a compremise that i can have my male mates in my room if i leave the door open and shes not to come up and check on me every 5 mins.
i do think that you mate did handle the situation badly, try showing her this page, print it off or somthing, because her daughter was being sensible to go on the pill and by banning her from seeing her partner she will most probably ignore what her mum said and see him anyway.
She should be glad that her daughter has the sence to go on the pill cos what would she prefure, her daughter to have a baby?
When i went on the pill i had to tell my mum because I'd feel guilty if I didn't and she was really cool about it and was glad i was being resposible.
I know parents can be hard to talk to but it's the only way to help them understand.
My mum knows im having sex, but pretends she doesnt, she knows im on the pill cuz she found it on my floor..opsies! so obv she knows, so its ok, she doesnt say anything. Id rather her talk to me though than ban me from seeing the lad.
She admitted she was shocked and basically lost it with Jo, but when I seen them today they did seem a lot happier. She realises now by banning her to see him is just going to make matters worse and make Jo resent her.
So anyway thanks for your help, much appreciated. A little bit of advice for you if your in the same situation is dont start bawling and shouting at your parents, try to sit down and talk because shouting at them will just wind them up more. Try to act adult and then they should give you the respect back and treat you like an adult
But when she found out, if she told me that I couldn't see my bf, I would've gone mad and rebelled against her, I think any teenager in love would do the same thing. I think your friend handled the situation abit childishly because all her daughter will want to do is rebel against her and she will be much more determined to see her bf.
Im 18 just turned like a month ago so i thought it was ok to answer
so i used to stay over at his and then when my next boyfriend came along she had gotten used to the idea that i was having sex and so allowed him to stay over as much as i wanted. (i think she liked him more aswell)
you friend just needs to get used to the idea that her daughter is growing up. even though they will still seem like children to her, in the eyes of the law they are both legal.
she is just pushing her daughter away by refusing to acknowledge this and she needs to compromise. she may feel very uncomfortable with the idea that her daughter is having sex whilst she is in the house but unfortunately for all parents, they need to get used to the idea and try to remember that they were 16 once. she should be happy that at least her daughter is on the pill.
if anything goes wrong with her daughter, perhaps in her relationship or if she gets pregnant or an STI then she won't feel like she can go to her mum for help.
He now lives at a friends house and pays his school fees by working in McDonalds and a hardware store.
So I guess the lesson of the tale is, if you don't do anything too extreme, there is no reason why parents should be worried. There should be an element of trust.
If it was my daughter, I'd be proud of her for going on the pill, but a bit gutted that she hadn't have spoken about it to me first. I'd also rather she was having sex in a house instead of in a dirty field or something... know what I mean?!
she told me i wasnt allowed to see my ex, but i used to say i was going to a friends house and go to see him and i saw him everyday at school anyways