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My ex who i've loved for, like, ever!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
About a year ago I was going out with a guy called Matt and he let me move in with him and his brother Nick. We loved eachother so much but then I did the most stupid thing in the world and cheated on Matt with his brother. Consequently I had to move out and we split up. Matt even cried on the phone to me, I felt so guilty and thought I'd ruined the best relationship ever.
Everyday for the whole year since we split up I've thought about him and I've loved him and I've felt so guilty about it.
In the past few weeks I've been trying to tell myself there's no chance I'll ever get back with him and no chance that he'll ever talk to me again. So I've been trying to forget him.
Last night I went out with my friend and I saw him, first of all I walked past but then I thought all this time I've been waiting to see him and i was quite drunk so I went up and said hi and he was really friendly to me.
I asked if I could speak to him on his own, he said yes so we went to talk. I told him all about how I'm still in love with him and that all this time I've felt guilty about cheating on him. I spilled out everything then he told me that I shouldn't feel guilty for cheating on him because he didn't want commitment and it was convenient that I cheated on him cos it kind of gave him an excuse to split with me. So in other words I've been hauling all this guilt around for nothing really.
Also he said he's not the type of person to be committed and that next year he is moving to Turkey to live. I felt like my heart had been torn in two. I still believe he was the best thing to happen to me, we were so happy.
He asked for my number saying we could be friends now and in my drunken state I asked him for a kiss and he said "Not the kind of kiss you want" and then he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. Then me and my friend went to a different bar.
Later on I got a text message from him asking me out! I was so confused. I didn't text him back until this morning. I said "where were you thinking of going? And what do you wanna do". The whole day we have been texting eachother then he phoned me just now to say next week he wants me to go for a drink with him in this posh hotel and that if I wanted to, I can stay in his hotel room with him and he said "we should both be grown up enough to cope with that" so i took that as I would just be sleeping, you know, nothing else. Then when he hung up he texted me saying "I'm gonna f*** you to death next sunday"
WTF?! i thought he just wanted to be friends! I am so in love with him, if he asked me to marry him I would without a doubt. I would do anything to be with him. He is everything I want in a man. I am so confused, I was just about kind of getting over him and then BOOM he's back in my life again.
I just wanted to get it all off my chest and if anyone can make sense of any of this and has any advice for me I would appreciate it. I know that I probably will end up staying with him and I know it might hurt me even more but that is a chance I'm kind of willing to take because I love him so much.
Sorry for the length of this!
Everyday for the whole year since we split up I've thought about him and I've loved him and I've felt so guilty about it.
In the past few weeks I've been trying to tell myself there's no chance I'll ever get back with him and no chance that he'll ever talk to me again. So I've been trying to forget him.
Last night I went out with my friend and I saw him, first of all I walked past but then I thought all this time I've been waiting to see him and i was quite drunk so I went up and said hi and he was really friendly to me.
I asked if I could speak to him on his own, he said yes so we went to talk. I told him all about how I'm still in love with him and that all this time I've felt guilty about cheating on him. I spilled out everything then he told me that I shouldn't feel guilty for cheating on him because he didn't want commitment and it was convenient that I cheated on him cos it kind of gave him an excuse to split with me. So in other words I've been hauling all this guilt around for nothing really.
Also he said he's not the type of person to be committed and that next year he is moving to Turkey to live. I felt like my heart had been torn in two. I still believe he was the best thing to happen to me, we were so happy.
He asked for my number saying we could be friends now and in my drunken state I asked him for a kiss and he said "Not the kind of kiss you want" and then he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. Then me and my friend went to a different bar.
Later on I got a text message from him asking me out! I was so confused. I didn't text him back until this morning. I said "where were you thinking of going? And what do you wanna do". The whole day we have been texting eachother then he phoned me just now to say next week he wants me to go for a drink with him in this posh hotel and that if I wanted to, I can stay in his hotel room with him and he said "we should both be grown up enough to cope with that" so i took that as I would just be sleeping, you know, nothing else. Then when he hung up he texted me saying "I'm gonna f*** you to death next sunday"
WTF?! i thought he just wanted to be friends! I am so in love with him, if he asked me to marry him I would without a doubt. I would do anything to be with him. He is everything I want in a man. I am so confused, I was just about kind of getting over him and then BOOM he's back in my life again.
I just wanted to get it all off my chest and if anyone can make sense of any of this and has any advice for me I would appreciate it. I know that I probably will end up staying with him and I know it might hurt me even more but that is a chance I'm kind of willing to take because I love him so much.
Sorry for the length of this!
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Comments
My immediate reaction to this is, he's messing you around. He was heartbroken when you cheated on him and now he may or may not be over you, but he's definitely not treating you decently - he thinks he may get sex out of you, great, he's enjoying you wanting him, great, it's an ego trip and possibly even a plan to hurt you to get back at you for what you did to him.
I know all that sounds really harsh, and I may be wrong, but it's just an unbiased outsider's view. Even if things did work out nicely after he's 'fucked you do death' while you're being 'mature enough to deal with' being in the same hotel room, he's going away to a different country next year and he's already said he didn't want commitment.
I don't really know what exactly to suggest, I'm sorry, but you really should go about this carefully. Is it worth the risk? I know you say you love him so much you'll do anything, but won't you feel even worse if he screws you around and then breaks your heart by loving and leaving you?
It might be worth talking to him seriously about why he's giving you conflicting messages about what he wants from you, but just don't let him get away with treating you like s**t to get back at you.
I really hope I don't sound too harsh here, but I do feel really sorry for you and I understand it's really difficult. Whatever happens, you'll pull through it I'm sure - and he's only a man. He's someone else, and if you want (even though it's tough) you can move on from him and still make something good out of your life and still meet someone else.
If you want to have a quick sympathy shag with him, then go and do so by all means, but I wouldn't hold any expectations of getting back together or having a nice life with him. As far as that is concerned I would believe what he said about not wanting comittment and moving to Turkey.
Mr_Wobble