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im dense so you have to help me
BillieTheBot
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BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
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Boyfriends can come and go but the decision you make about the baby will change your life forever no matter what you decide.
You should think very, very carefully about what you want to do about your being pregnant, i.e. if you want to have an abortion, or give Birth and then put the baby up for adoption or keep it and raise it yourself - knowing that you may be doing this on your own.
If you have an abortion or give up the baby for adotpion you also have to decide if that's a decision you can live with comfortably now and in the future years from when you think that on a certain date you might have been celebrating it's birth or something.
This other guy already knows about you being pregnant and doesn't seem to mind, he may mind if do have an abortion - people are all different when it comes to this issue.
I'd say sort out your feelings on the baby issue first, discuss it with friends and family and see how much support you're likely to get either way.
But yeah you need to get answers from him - what will he do if you have an abortion ?
What will he do if you give it away?
What will he do if you kept it?
If you do have it I think the authorities pretty much can force him to contribute finnanically and even take out money for child support directly out of his pay packet.
And I think single mothers are usually provided with some kind of housing, not sure but you'd need to check into this.
I'd say the biggest change to your life would be "Time" - how you'd end up spending it. How much of it you'd have to yourself.
Maybe some of the girls that have been in your situation can advise because at the end of the day - guys like me can only imagine how you feel - we can't really know for sure.
i feel really really strongly about this, and dont agree with DG when he says that you dont know how the new guy will feel about you having an abortion. YOU are the one who will have to stay pregnant for nine months - YOU are the one who will have to give birth - YOU are the one who will have to sit at home with that child and put the rest of your life on hold for 20 years - YOU are the one who will end up paying for the child. Even if your ex gives you come money, legally all he has to give you is 15% (possibly 20%) or his monthly earnings. That's it.
Make this decision for you and your baby Lacy, DONT wait for your ex to tell you what to do... ultimately he has absolutely no obligation to sit down and go through pregnancy and the raising of a child with you. All he has to do is give you some money. He doesn have to pick up the pieces when his kid realises he doesnt want to know it or whatever. And as for this new bloke... his opinion doesnt matter either. It really doesnt. What direct impact does he have on your life right now? I honestly think you'll regret listening to what these two people in particular think, because one isn't even around any more, and the other could leave any moment and hasnt spent a day as your boyfriend yet, so you dont know what will happen there.
Rely on him as a friend by all means, but please get yourself sorted first. its harder to deal with as it is, and often only hits you weeks, sometimes months and years after you've had the op. Take care and good luck.
However what I did say was go back and speak to the exboy friend and ask him what he thinks now he's had time to think about it.
I didn't say go ask for his permission. I said find out where he now stands, whether he'd be prepared to look after a baby or not.
Then you'll be able to make an informed decision, either way.
But, yes ultimately it's all down to YOU.
i found out a few months ago that i have a 35 year old half-brother i never even knew existed. my mum had a baby when she was 21 and put him up for adoption. by pure coincidence he and his family now live just round the corner and i've met them and they're really nice.
the thing is, it made me realise that adoption can work so well. my brother and his family are all happy, my family are all happy, and it's also changed my views on abortion when i think that if my mum had had a termination that's 4 people (him plus 3 kids) who would never have existed.
i don't want to influence your decision, i know it's probably the most difficult decision you'll ever make - my best friend is going through the same thing right now. i just thought i'd offer a different perspective.
I hope it all works out for you.
:yes: Just do what you want to do.
In a perfect world, that is what i'd do. However emotionally and probably mentally im not strong enough to do that at the moment!
I think everythings been said here but I agree with this. Good luck with whatever you are going to do and whatever path you take
It looks like you've made a decision but just in case, there are lots of people out there you can talk to about being pregnant and what to do next.
You can go and talk to your GP in complete confidence about your options, or you can go to an organisation like Brook (you can call them on 0800 0185023) or FPA (their phone line is 0845 3101334). Both of these organisations protect your confidentiality and will offer completely impartial advice about what you can do next.
Good Luck,
CB