Yesterday

I went on the train to Buckley. Completely randomous thing really, my friend Sarah fancies this guy so she wanted me to come on the train to meet him, and I obliged. To be honest i thought the day was gonna be crap, and even though I had a headache it wasn't bad at all. When we arrived we walk for what seemed like an eternity before we reached a graveyard. We sat there for a while waiting for Ste *the guy* before we went round to the back of the graveyard. We found a crappy football and began hitting it against the wall. The whole thing was okish I guess.

Then skye came out of his house. Now I don't know skye but my sister basically told me he's a total arsehole and to stay the hell away from him, so aturally I thought this would be the case. I guess I went into talking to him thinking with prejudice. But I was wrong, he's such a lovely guy, and while he's not good looking or anything I like him. Which is where my big problems come in, because I'm already in love with someone I have never met, and I don't want to lose them but I can't do long distance relationships...it's just too hard.

I want to be free and able to do what i want, go round pulling guys until I find the right one that i can see every day. That's what I need every day. And I'm not gonna get that from this long distance relationship, so i don't have a clue what to do.

Continuing on with yesterday skye said some interesting things. First off his girlfriend is pregnant and apparently her dad will beat the shit out of her when he finds out. Not good. Secondly, skye used to be anorexic, ironic because a certain someone else I know used to be anorexic too. He is sooooooooo thin though, OMG he's like ultra thin. I think he must be about 6'3" or something, but he's soo thin and everything! Anyway he has had loads of peircings, a lot of which have gone, and all these things make me think that inside he is not happy with himself. And really I wanna help with that, but I dunno if I can.

I'm having trouble understanding what to do with the whole thing, as another thing Tara told me *admittedly when she was drunk* is that she thinks skye fancies me...and I think hedoes too. The way he was acting and everything, and he's cute because he's a lovely guy and everything, but I have my long distance relationship and he has a pregnant girlfriend. I don't really have a clue...

I don't know what to say to Chris about this. No doubt he'll read this and think I'm a twat, and I wouldn't blame him. I don't know what to do with the whole situation here. It hardly matters if I ever pull skye because either way he's gonna be a good mate, but the whole thing with Chris is going to fuck, at least in my mind it is. I need someone who can be here with me all the time, or I need total freedom.



my apologies for postiung direct from my LJ, but basically I'm in this dilema.