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What do you want? (help ladies, please)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok a brief history, since the age of 17 I've been out with a fair few people, one of which was a long term relationship (just shy of 2 years). We ended up spliting up but not before we both had quit university to be together, looking back now...what a mistake!
Anyway, since then I've met and seen/dated/been out with a few other people until last summer. I had applied to a new Uni course 2 years after leaving before and I was due to start in September. I decided due to the problems I'd had before with women messing me about I wouldn't get involved in any relationships before uni.
9 months later I'm 22 (old for these boreds? don't beat me
) turning 23 this September. I've not been out with anybody for almost a year now and to be honest my confidence has taken a slight dent. It's not that I can't relate to women, my closest friends are all female but I just don't feel that I'm a 'target' for anybody.
What I'd like is some help from the lovely ladies of this board, especially those 18-23 (are there any?). I'd like to know what draws you to a person at first? What makes them attractive to you? Are looks important? Is a sense of humour our their character important? what makes them an object of...desire? (that last one sounds a bit sexual, but it's not meant quite as that sort of desire).
I'm loathed to change who I am to attract women, my thinking is doing something like that would only attract the kind of women that at the end of the day I don't want to be with. What I'm hoping is that from your responses I might be able to get a better idea of just which bits of *me* I should be making more obvious to help me in the right direction.
See this as not another sad thread on this board, rather a chance to build a happy ending
Any thoughts/opinions appreciated :wave:
Anyway, since then I've met and seen/dated/been out with a few other people until last summer. I had applied to a new Uni course 2 years after leaving before and I was due to start in September. I decided due to the problems I'd had before with women messing me about I wouldn't get involved in any relationships before uni.
9 months later I'm 22 (old for these boreds? don't beat me
) turning 23 this September. I've not been out with anybody for almost a year now and to be honest my confidence has taken a slight dent. It's not that I can't relate to women, my closest friends are all female but I just don't feel that I'm a 'target' for anybody.What I'd like is some help from the lovely ladies of this board, especially those 18-23 (are there any?). I'd like to know what draws you to a person at first? What makes them attractive to you? Are looks important? Is a sense of humour our their character important? what makes them an object of...desire? (that last one sounds a bit sexual, but it's not meant quite as that sort of desire).
I'm loathed to change who I am to attract women, my thinking is doing something like that would only attract the kind of women that at the end of the day I don't want to be with. What I'm hoping is that from your responses I might be able to get a better idea of just which bits of *me* I should be making more obvious to help me in the right direction.
See this as not another sad thread on this board, rather a chance to build a happy ending
Any thoughts/opinions appreciated :wave:
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When i met my partner, i was attracted to him physically, but thats natural, i had never spoken to him before.
Now tho, even tho i still 'fancy the pants off him' i love his personality and that is the most important thing to me. If something happened and the way he looked changed suddenly, i wouldnt stop loving him, if thats what you're getting at.
Anyway, sorry i cant be of much help, its 2am!
Hmm. Well. I'm 18 so just about fit into your age bracket!
I think it personality is definatly the most important thing- your not exactly going to stick with someone for too long if you dont have anything to say to each other and dont have a laugh. And for me they should know theyre own mind and be confident enough to say it, but at the same time accept other people are entitled to their views- ie not totally stubborn and *word that i cant think of right now*
Looks are important aswell, u need someone that doesnt turn you off just looking at them, but that doesnt mean they have to be some sexgod. That can be worse, especially if theyre attractive and know it. I hate that!
I'm rambling now so i think i'll shut up.
PM me if you need things expmaining/taking further etc
What first attracts me to a boy is the was he sort of carries himself I guess...Like if he looks happy or sad or whatever, and how he acts round his mates, like if he shys away and doesn't say much or if he's like the group leader or something. I don't know exactly what impressions I get from this but I do anyway :rolleyes:
What attracts me to someone who I haven't spoken to in the first place is of course their looks, but then that doesn't count for much if he turns out to be a boring sod. I think I'm more attracted to those who seem genuinely happy, not those who walk around with a face like a slapped arse.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm attracted to people who look happy, cos I get the impression that they'd be fun to be with and have lots to say, rather than someone moody, I get the impression they might not have much to say.....In my experience that seems to be the case anyway.
To keep the relationship going, personality counts lots more than looks, cos I never stay with anyone of the conversation runs out 10 minutes after we meet up...A gsoh is often a good thing too, I like people who can just laugh if things go wrong etc. So someone who doesn't take life too serioulsy, someone who doesn't care what people think of them, someone who's not afraid to be individual.....
I could go on, but I wont I've probably bored you enough already
If most of your mates are female, can’t you get their honest insight into where you are going wrong?
I have this problem of waiting for the girls to come to me (Er, use to work like a charm) but not so now.:p Do you ask out girls or wait for them to show you interest then make a move?
I dare say you need to change a bit, It’s got to happen right! Why not embrace it. Ask your girlie mates what you could change about yourself to make you more pleasing to girls. No need to go overboard but perhaps work out little more, different hair cut style, change of clothes. Should all boost your confidence and enable you to be a er….. “target” again.
Birds sometimes fancy something a little different, have you thought about going out with one of your female friends? (I know it’s risky, but such is life!)
Judgemental? Dogmatic? Prejudiced?
In my opinion, it's hard to describe what you go for as it varies in each case, although I'm talking about girls here. Some you have a spark with, some you just feel you can trust.. but generally I'd agree that it's necessary to maintain a decent conversation for a good period of time and you must be a least a bit attracted to them. *States the bleedin' obvious*
Hi, im 18 so heres my personal opinion on the subject. My views dont go for the whole of the female population though, just to warn you. you cant really generalise what us girly's want in a man. That old cliche of tall, dark and handsome is v. untrue
Anyway, the very first thing that I look for in a physical way in a man is definitly a nice smile. He's gotta be a happy person cos im quite a happy person myself. Im quite tall so I look for height in men too.
As for personality, that whole "good sense of humour" thing is really over used when describing men. Half the girls that complain about some men not having a sense of humour dont even have one themselves (little rant there, sorry
They've gotta be chatty too
Im not much help really.
Oh, will you do us single girls a favour and answer the same question bout men, i.e. what do guys look for etc in a girl.
Me has been practically single for over a year
*edited to add: we just want a guy that will give us all the kisses n' cuddles that we want*
Don't stop the replies coming though
I certainly wont be changing me, but right now I'm not 100% comfortable with myself as I am (first time ever I think) so I have been adjusting myself, nothing new just a concious effort!
faerielights: you pretty much described me which made me happy
Homer's Love Child: What do men look for in women? I'm very sad to say but 75% of men are "ladish", they go for looks which is sad. I'm sure how they get on with the person is also important to them but probably only when they're 25+ and looking to "settle down".
Personally looks for me are important but not in the same way, I don't go for tits or legs or their arse, I go for women I consider "beautiful". Now let me make this bit clear, beauty is not a super-model (wtf is a super model? a model who you fill up at a different pump at the petrol station?) and it's not a girl in FHM. It is a woman who you can look at and, for reasons you may not even know you cannot stop wanting to look at her as she simply draws you in. This means that in theory all women can be/are beautiful, certainly for me there are many women who others would not be slightly attracted to that I find amazing.
After looks character is very important. Fun, sense of humour are obvious as is intelligence and tollerance. I think the most important thing to me though is that they genuinely care about me and that they are honest with me. I hate, nay HATE the idea of cheating and lieing, it's my worst fear. I'd love to be with a women who I felt I could trust at all times.
Hope that helps, probably not as I'm not really a typical male, maybe one reason I'm having troubles of my own right now
Everyone is attracted to something different to an extent - Otherwise the human race wouldn't have gotten very big now would it!
That's pretty much the same as me so maybe you're a more typical male than you think - than again I'm a bit weird anyway! :crazyeyes: see?
I also don't find many what I call "conventionally beautiful" girls attractive - they do all tend to look the same and lack the little imperfections that makes someone them! Personality wise, I totally agree that the worst thing is someone who will lie to me and more importantly not trust me - especially if I trusted them. Although I'm being all vague in my description I'm actually quite picky, I either like a girl or I don't.
Ditto, what date?
Anyway back to the subject at hand since i just about squeeze into the limits
I must be completely honest and says someone's looks draw me to them. I have to find someone appealing first and then see whether we click or not by talking to them. People who can adjust to most situations appeal to me. I've dated blokes before who are complete loud mouths and don't bother to look around them and judge situations. Someone who's got a similar sense of humour to me and can just accept that yes sometimes i swear and yes i can stick up for myself.
To tell the truth i'm too picky and i realise this but hey i've dated my share of assholes and picky is good
What looks do you go for ladies? tall or short? weight? hair? clothing? eyes? I know there are going to be a lot of different views but please reply anyway, like I said before I'm not looking for THE answer but rather some opinions that might help me understand a little better what I need to do to meet some lovely people
edit: 16th
Hmm. I prefer tall, cos im pretty tall myself, and with a decent head of hair, but not the long layered look! And preferably dark hair. But thats not saying i refuse to even consider anyone who isnt in this basic group- last friday i pulled someone who met none of it! :rolleyes: but he was chatty and friendly so its one of those cases where personality really does rule over (he wasnt worth it, but i got my fun!)
Also the clothes have to work for them and look good on them, and preferably be pretty modern and funky. Something you could strike up a conversation about perhaps! Oh, and gold jewelry cries out "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo" :banghead: But that might just be me!
I don't find myself going for the same type over and over again. The one thing i do find is that they usually have the same sort of personality and gel well with my mates.
I'm just basing this losely on the past so i'd say tall, fairly stocky/sporty build, short hair (don't do long hair although thats not an insult to men with long hair). I tend to go for cheeky grins and people who come across as confident.
Right firstly, don't get down about not having a girlfriend. They're really not an essential of life. U ask what attracts me most to a guy? Right, well I'll tell you how I became attracted to my current bfriend. Looks have never really been a priority with me: nor has dress sense or haircuts or superficial things like that. Let's put it this way, if they did my scruff of a guy wouldn'y have ever stood a chance but then again I like him the way he is.
In most guys I'm usually drawn to them if they have a sense of humour. They don't have to be the most hysterical person in teh world but its nice if they're witty. Next, is personality. What usually attracts me to a guy is if I can imagine being friends with them. Every guy I have been in a relationship with has been a friend before hand and usually afterwards as well. They need to be considerate of my needs whilst at the same time, be someone I would want to introduce to my friends. I also like a guy who has a brain so that we can have a decent conversation; they don't have to be the brain of Britain but just as long as they're not
completely brain dead its fine.
When it comes to looks I don't really have a particular type. Lets see, my ex was a complete goth who at 5ft 8 was only an inch taller than me with dark hair and penchance for wearing my make up. My current bfriend is 6ft 6 with long light hair and a ridiculous dress sense.
You sound like a nice guy, as if you would be a good person to talk to and my advice would be stick to who you are. Don't go changing yourself to attract girls: usually we see straight through things like that. Good luck
btw Carolina, as well as being a day apart we're only about 25 mins apart, I live in Loughborough just south of Nott'm