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Platonic Friends.....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I have come to the conclusion that a bloke and a girl can not ever just be good mates. Last night I went out with a mate of mine who I haven't seen since last summer, when we were at college we were bestmates for about 2 years and one drunken new year's eve he decided to tell me he fancied me! I just wanted to be mates and we kinda lost touch a bit when i went away to Uni, although we're still quite good mates now. Anyway, went for a drink the other night to catch up, getting on well like we used to, then last night out clubbing he decided once more to declare his undying love for me! Now I love this guy as a mate, but in no way could I ever be more that that!

Anyway that got me thinking and I relaised that I can't seem to have any male friends just as purely platonic mates...another good blokey mate is someone I've known since I was about 12, went out for about a week when we were 17 and he still likes me 6 years later, all his friends say so and it's quite obvious though we never mention it. Then there's my ex, we were good mates for a few months before he told me he fancied me....that worked out quite well though cos we did end up together for 3 years......

But what is it with blokes? Why can't you just be good mates with a girl? Does anyone else have this problem, or is it just the blokes I make friends with?!
:rolleyes:

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Platonic Friends.....

    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's simple: you're incomparably brilliant. :naughty::p

    I have a few female friends with whom I have platonic friendships. However, we normally innocently flirt, although a couple of years ago I told one or two of them that I fancied them - because I did. Sadly, nothing resulted. Since then, I have not because I do not, so I can be just friends with women.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I seem to have this problem as well. All of my good male friends have at sometime in the past told me they fancy me.

    I went out with some guys I hadn't seen in ages last week, now theres three of them, and ive known them since school - one took me to one side, and said he still fancied me.
    Later on the other two did the same thing! Was very shocking to say the least!:eek:

    There is one guy who im very good friends with, and he doesnt fancy me in the slightest - but he's gay so does that count?:lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It definitely is possible for a guy n a gal to be mates without anything else happening between them. However much i love my mates, i wouldnt consider going out with them even if they were the last guys on earth, cos i simply cant see them in that way...One of my best mates is a guy, n though i went through a stage of fancying him a while back *yes i do realise that contradicts what i just said* and i stupidly told him that, it made it awkward for a while but we're now closer together than before but i know i was stupid to think that anything else could happen between us!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Faith, it also happens the other way round - a girl likes a guy more than a friend and starts things off. It isn't always the guy who introduces a relationship into the equation.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i used to work somewhere when i left school, nearly all my friends worked there (mostly guys) and it wasnt till i left that it dawned on me that with nearly all of them, some romantic connection was accomplished -
    either they tried it on with me at some point; something happened between us or it was said that they had declared to someone else feelings for me.

    and also, i used to best friends with a guy for ages, we used to stay over with each other and were always really open with each other, till we fell out and he made me read his diary to explain y he wasnt speaking to me! yes, in his diary there was detailed descriptions of exactly how he felt about me, saying he was in love with me! it spoiled our friendship cos we used to be really close and i didnt feel like that about him. we pass in the street now and dont speak :(

    ah well, maybe girls and guys can never be really close without something like this happening?! :eek2:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Boys and girls can be just mates!!!!! It is very rare but it does happen. I'm not a very good example having only three real male mates, I fancy two of them and the other fancies me :p But seriously it can happen, my older sister had a load of male friends when she was my age and she preferred them to her girl friends, they don't bitch, see. And one of my best mates is VERY good friends with a boy in our school, ok so we think she fancies him but she hasn't admitted it so we don't know for sure.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Scene from Harry met Sally, which in my opinion says its all really........


    Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
    Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
    Sally: Why not?
    Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
    Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
    Harry: No, you don't.
    Sally: Yes, I do.
    Harry: No, you don't.
    Sally: Yes, I do.
    Harry: You only think you do.
    Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
    Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
    Sally: They do not.
    Harry: Do too.
    Sally: They do not.
    Harry: Do too.
    Sally: How do you know?
    Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
    Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
    Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
    Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
    Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol:

    Candy, that says it all. I might even have to print that off and stick it to my wall to remind me :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    People are attracted to their friends regardless of gender, and I dont strictly mean sexually. If you like someones personality enough to be a good friend, then I think its natural to start wondering what its like to fuck them if theyre your gender of choice.

    I can be friends with girls, but Ive fallen for two of them. And one is now my fiance. Though now Im taken I can be friends with lasses fine...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The only real proper platonic 'girlfriends' I have are exes. So we've been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Its true that (teenage) guys want to have sex with every attractive girl they know so until the attraction thing is resolved there will always be a problem. Oh, and the friends with ugly people thing? Call me a fascist but if someone is butt ugly then I don't have fun with them (Blokes included here) If you can't make the effort why should I?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok i dont really see the problem is it really a surprise if your very close to someone as a friend that the friend might consider wanting more? To be a friend you have to be compatible to a fair extent and surely the best relationships are where the person is your friend as well as your bf/gf

    oh and faith if you really want a good explanation

    http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

    (i promise it isnt porn I know it looks it but it isnt)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    four of my closest mates are male...2 ive been out with him and one of those i still like hugly and the other is my best best friend.
    but the other 2..its just friends..purely platonic

    it is possible but its rare. i think if you are in love with someone and then become friends with someone else of the opposite sex its not a problem...all your feelings are being used up on the person you're in love with.....ok im rambling (i know what i mean..honest!)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Platonic Friends.....
    Originally posted by Faith
    I have come to the conclusion that a bloke and a girl can not ever just be good mates. Last night I went out with a mate of mine who I haven't seen since last summer, when we were at college we were bestmates for about 2 years and one drunken new year's eve he decided to tell me he fancied me! I just wanted to be mates and we kinda lost touch a bit when i went away to Uni, although we're still quite good mates now. Anyway, went for a drink the other night to catch up, getting on well like we used to, then last night out clubbing he decided once more to declare his undying love for me! Now I love this guy as a mate, but in no way could I ever be more that that!

    Anyway that got me thinking and I relaised that I can't seem to have any male friends just as purely platonic mates...another good blokey mate is someone I've known since I was about 12, went out for about a week when we were 17 and he still likes me 6 years later, all his friends say so and it's quite obvious though we never mention it. Then there's my ex, we were good mates for a few months before he told me he fancied me....that worked out quite well though cos we did end up together for 3 years......

    But what is it with blokes? Why can't you just be good mates with a girl? Does anyone else have this problem, or is it just the blokes I make friends with?!
    :rolleyes:

    i got a really really good female friend which nothing could ever come between us we are like brother and sister and we can talk about anything and everything so me thinks its the blokes you make friends with, certin mates of myne cant be mates with a girl cus they think all girls are good for is relationships etc
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Simbelyne - thats not true, I do not want to have sex with every attractive female I know.

    And I do have female friends that I find attractive but dont want to sleep with.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I still don't think that you can be good mates with a member of the opposite sex without at least one of you fancying the other! :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Sanj33v
    Simbelyne - thats not true, I do not want to have sex with every attractive female I know.

    And I do have female friends that I find attractive but dont want to sleep with.

    Maybe not on a conscious level...;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok I actually read something about this last week which makes perefct sense: now if only I can remember it????

    Girls have two ladders as such- one they put there male friends on and one they put on the people thay fancy. ONce your on a friend ladder its nearly impossible to jump across.
    The ladder is kinda like a list- with all the men in order etc:

    Men only have 1 ladder, purely women we want for sex-
    We sub consciously put all women we know meet on this ladder and assess them up. All our friends are supposedly on this ladder- for the future, it goes into a bit of detail but makes sense-

    I have a few very close gf's, one or two I see as more like my sisters then potential gf's. And weve laughd about this together before as we couldn't ever see us hooking up- were too close if you get me-
    There are one or two others I have been really good friends with but have fallen for or they fell for me, happened me only last week. But we decided to stay friends- which im kinda glad of. We can laugh about it now. But I think we can have pletonic friendships- though proper ones are few and far between!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have some very good male friends, a couple of whom are in the main platonic, as in sometimes i wonder about whether i fancy them - but i have no chance with any of them so i put it to the back of my mind

    i am ugly, have never been in a relationship or kissed a lad, so i know that my male mates are friends with me cos they like my personality. but my looks are very prohibitive when it comes to anything more than friendship.

    simbelyne i think your comment about ugly people is unfair - even when i 'make an effort', do my hair, put make up on and smile, i am ugly. short of major cosmetic surgery, which i don't want - how much more of an effort can i make?
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