If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
My best mate is pregnant!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
How can I help her?
She used a condom but it split.The next day she took the morning after pill with no side effectsn but was late.This was a month ago so I made her do a test.It was positive.
She knows she doesn't want to keep it-her boyfriend is indian and her parents would kill her, so would his. She wants me to come with her and I will, I don't mind at all.
I just want to know what to do for her to support her emotionally. Has anyone got any advice, been in this situation etc? thanx!
She used a condom but it split.The next day she took the morning after pill with no side effectsn but was late.This was a month ago so I made her do a test.It was positive.
She knows she doesn't want to keep it-her boyfriend is indian and her parents would kill her, so would his. She wants me to come with her and I will, I don't mind at all.
I just want to know what to do for her to support her emotionally. Has anyone got any advice, been in this situation etc? thanx!
0
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
Has she actually been tested by a doctor? I wouldn't just rely on a home test kit if I were in this situation. Maybe she or the two of you should go to a family planning clinic and get her tested properly and get some proper advice.
Hope all goes well, and well done for supporting your friend.
LSS
gd luck, i hope its all ok
If you go to the doctors and tell them you`re pregnant and that you`ve done a home test, they don`t even bother to do their own test anymore, cause the tests you can buy are every bit as accurate as their own.
She has to face upto responsibility IMO now, if you consider yourself old enough to have sex then you should be ready for the concequences of it protection or not.
Your mate has some growing up to do, I would advise agaisnt abortion, I know a few girls who all look back and say its the biggest mistake of thier lives in a few years.
aborting a child because your boyfriend is Indian is such a bloody rediculous reason!! Why is she going out with him if she is not proud of what/who he is.
Anyway
Get her to a doctor, make sure they have offered counselling BEFORE the abortion so she can talk this through with someone who can help her make the right decision.
Just support her when she asks you to, but perhaps encourage her to take more care. If she had sex after taking the morning after pill without contraception then it may be then that she got pregnant.
I got pregnant because of the very same thing (Split condom and failure of the morning after pill) - If she is making the right decision without outside pressure then she should be ok.
Its a scary time, and it is upsetting - is her boyfriend supporting her at all?
Has she considered maybe having the baby and then putting it up for adoption after the baby was born? I think that every living thing has a chance at life even if a person does not want to have the baby. At least then she would know that it would have a good, loving, caring family and a loving home to live in and grow up in, even if she does not want to keep the baby herself.
That is just kind of my humble opinion on the matter, but what she decides to do, just be there to help support her through what ever decision/s she makes.
Exactly my point, if you are too young to have a child why the fuck is she having sex?
Its all about responsibility at the end of the day.
lisa simpson's saxaphone, you can't get a false positive on a pregnancy test. if it says it's positive then she's pregnant for sure.
jowolvo, all you can do is be there for her, either just to listen to her, or hug her, or whatever. offer to go with her, she'll probably appreciate it.
Yeah well...sorry...but if you love someone the 'race thing' is something she shouldn't make such an issue of. I mean, getting an abortion is a difficult and serious enough decision but the main reason stated was because her boyfriend is Indian and her parents would kill her.
Irs time she stood up for her relationship with this man and she should also be communicating with him more. Has she continued to have sex with him since last month when she got pregnant? Has she any understanding of the support he could give her? NO! then why is she going out with him let alone sleeping with him!
Even if people do think its wrong that her boyfriend is Indian she should have enough strength on character and pride to stand up tall and let people know he is her boyfriend...or was she planning to keep him a secret for ever.
As I said - its a tough decision but the reasons have to be more than those of race.
What is she going to do - tell the doctors that she wants an abortion because her boyfriend is Indian...as far as I can recall thats not one of the reasons stated on the offcial forms that the doctor will have to sign to let her have an abortion!!!!!!!
how easy is it for, say, a 16 year old to tell their parents something like that?
As for the race thing, its the parents shes worried about, not cos hes Indian. Itd be the same if he was fucking Martian- its not something thats easy to tell your mum. You dont glibly mention it over coffee for crying out loud.
All you can do for your friend is to hug her and help her make the right deicision for her. Dont pressure her, but be there for hugs, listening and pots of hot tea. She, above all else, has to come to her own decision, cos if she feels forced by anyone theres a good chance shell become resentful- its human nature.
Well, I was in sort of the same prediciment 18 months ago, I used a condom, it split. Then next day i got emergency contraception, but however, I still got pregnant.
I decided straight away to have an abortion because I wasnt working, had only been with the bloke 2 months and couldnt see it going anywhere and i was starting university in a couple of weeks.
As for saying "growing up and facing responsibility" I was being responsible when I used a condom and took emergency contraception!
Also, my parents are foster carers and i've seen so many neglected children, so in my oppinion if you havent got the resources or in the right state of mind to care for a child then its the best thing to do!
Quite a few of my friends have had abortions and none of them regret it. I think that until you've been in the predictament yourself, you cant really judge!
SE you're telling her to not have a baby yet that she has growing up to do? surely if she's that 'young' and 'immature' she shouldnt have a child she cant pffer a good and stable, responsible upbringing to? And at a month pregnant (yes i can see wher you're coming from but...) the baby isnt really a 'baby' yet, it is merely a few cells that havent even fromed a brain yet.
And you have to remember that she DID take precautions, she used a condom AND took the morning after pill, is youre saying she wasnt responsible enough you're basically saying she shouldnt have sex at all.
how old is this girl?
and also SE, the next time you are 'opposing' the production of dual heritage people, just think to yourself 'this person's mother was in a bad situation, and i encouraged her against having an abortion" so yeh. Anyone e;se reading this prolly wont understand it, but SE will, and if ou dont, we'll talk about it in creation
Totally agree
Ok my mate is 21. She can't tell her family (she actually lives with her nan and Grandad not her mom, no dad around) and she knows this relationship wont last as he will eventually have to marry someone his parents choose. She doesn't want to tell the bloke for a number of reasons but he knew she took the morning after pill so in a way he has still decided he doesn't want a kid.
If she told anyone at home, she'd be kicked out, its sad but thats what her family are like, she'd also lose her job as she works with him and her boss doesn't even approve of them seeing each other (long story, not race related).
The reason for her having the abortion is not about not being able to cope with a baby, I mean she couldn't but thats not why. I think how she grew up (no dad and stuff) has affected her choice too.
I guess I'd better get some kleenex in then as I have to stand by her no matter what. Hmm drama, what I'd give for some boring friends!
Well thats all about personal opinion, I personally believe the baby is born when the mother finds out she is pregnant, that is when the babys life starts IMO. Thats where the responsibilty starts and thats where the MOTHER has to decide wether to be brave or be a coward.
Bullshit, she wouldnt be pregnant if she had, total bollocks. If she still got pregnant despite that she must be Paul Daniels
I think it says a lot that I am prepared to sacrifice my beliefs for a child, maybe it also tells you how right I am.
no, but I bet the baby would of, that had the chance of life, I almost wish that your friends parents had had abortions with them. Wonder how they would view it then, oh yes sorry, they wouldnt be here to experiance life would they.
And Badabing, dont forget it was you that introduced me to this site....www.abortionismurder.org
I MAKE NO APOLOGY FOR POSTING THIS......
[image removed, also not representative of well over 95% of abortions]
abortion? great isnt it.
Oh fucking hell - not another one. Babies can only be aborted until 24 weeks, and obviously the sooner the better. Very few would be as well formed as that one. And even if they were, sure it's a hell of a lot better than bringing it into the world before you can properly look after it and give it a good home. Do you know how many babies and kids are looking for foster homes? So adoption isn't a fantastic answer really. Even having seen you pathetic piece of pro-life propaganda, if I found myself pregnant tomorrow I would have NO HESITATION in aborting it. It wouldn't be the right time.
By the way, I saw a similar piece of poison on my uni history dept notice board a while ago - I didn't know what was in it at first 'cos the front of the leaflet was v innocuous and just said 'save the children'...as soon as I saw what it was I tore it down and chucked it in the bin. Anti-abortionists are just downright dangerous.
And lastly....look at any type of contraception you care to choose - NONE of it is 100%. There is always going to be some poor sod who falls into the unlucky 1 or 2% who it can fail for.
Now fuck off.
You are a disgrace and your parents should be ahsamed of the way they have raised you...and no doubt the way you are is no accident but probably the result of some pretty bad parenting skills that have left you unable to communicate with people in any other way than just trying to shout them down with your extreme views.
I have reported you to the moderators and believe that you should be banned. If you do stick around I'm sure you will not only learn something about the world but perhaps a little about yourself, maybe you will even become a better person...however, it seems that this will require a lot of work on your part. If people here now decide to treat you with distain it is only because you deserve it!
You Owe Meryn an apology