If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Should we carry on...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I had a big chat with my boyfreind last night and hes made me realise how much i couldnt live without him-thing is i think he could cope well without me.
Hes been in a mood for a few days now and last night i told him i was sick of it. I had a big go and then he said that he isnt bothered about us anymore. I was planning on going out on friday with my freinds, which i know he doesnt like. I wasnt doing it to spite him, im just sick of him trying to stop me. Anyway he said if i went out then he wouldnt speak to me (childish i know).
So really do i actually mean anything to him?cause it doesnt sound like it from my point of view. We seem to be ok after the chat, i couldnt bring myself to let him go. I think he wants me to do the deed of breaking up with him, but i just couldnt do that.
Were obviously just clinging on to something that has died, but how and where do i get the strength to end it all?becuse last night he really upset me, yet still i couldnt do it...Please help with any suggestions xxx
Hes been in a mood for a few days now and last night i told him i was sick of it. I had a big go and then he said that he isnt bothered about us anymore. I was planning on going out on friday with my freinds, which i know he doesnt like. I wasnt doing it to spite him, im just sick of him trying to stop me. Anyway he said if i went out then he wouldnt speak to me (childish i know).
So really do i actually mean anything to him?cause it doesnt sound like it from my point of view. We seem to be ok after the chat, i couldnt bring myself to let him go. I think he wants me to do the deed of breaking up with him, but i just couldnt do that.
Were obviously just clinging on to something that has died, but how and where do i get the strength to end it all?becuse last night he really upset me, yet still i couldnt do it...Please help with any suggestions xxx
0
Comments
Never forget that every relationship must be worked at, by both parties and both during the easy and the difficult times, for it will otherwise undoubtedly end. If you wish it to continue, fully evaluate your relationship and do not merely portion blame, for that will not help. Indeed, consider the best ways to improve it, and always remember this: 'yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and I know that only this moment is mine.'
We do have difficulties communicating, hes stopped telling me things because i find it hard to open up.
I think i know the relationship is doomed, i just love him so much and i cant bare to think of my life without him there. It would really really hurt me and i dont know what to do.
"I cant bare to think of my life without him... It would really hurt me."
Do you enjoy arguing? Do you like the heartache that it brings? Do you care for the happiness of both yourself and your boyfriend? If you both tried very hard to improve it, would it work? Which would you prefer – being happy or being miserable?
If there is no trust or effective communication within your relationship, is there realistically any point in continuing it?
I cannot tell you what to do, but merely pose a few questions which you must honestly ask yourself.
He told you this did he? He's trying to undermine your self confidence in an attempt to make you so reliant on him because then he knows he can do whatever he likes and you'll be too weak to make a stand about him treating you like shit. Don't let him do this...You must believe that you can do very well without him.
If he's not bothered about you as a couple any more then why is he so annoyed that you are going out? You MUST go out, you must go because you want to not to spite him. Tell him that you are going because you need time for your friends and your life and if it is such a big deal that he feels the relationship is not worth it then he will just have to cope with the fact that you are no longer a couple. He cannot be allowed to get away with isolating you from your friends and your own life. Its tough!! if he doesn't like it then he's being unreasonable. You have a chance here to stand up to his unbreasonable behaviour...please take it!
you know its childish so let him get on with it but don't reward it by not going out with your friends.
What he wants is you to accept that he is in control of your life...don't accept it, if he doesn't start acting like a grown up then hes not worth it.
My suggestion...Go out with your friends tomorrow and have a really good time, if he calls your mobile answer it but don't get into any long conversations about where you are and who you are with, don't arrange to meet him, this is your time with your friends. Don't go to see him afterwards, don't be tempted to call him.
If he calls you the next day then he has broken his promise that hge'll never speak to you again. If things do get heated on the phone say 'I'm afraid i don't want to have this conversation now so I'm going to hang up now, I'll speak to you when you have calmed down'
Oh dear. I'm sorry you're being used like that. Take it from me, there's always someone better out there if you're not being treated right. And you ain't being treated right.
It's hard to break up with someone, but you can recognise all the reasons why you should. You should be able to go out with your friends and have fun without your boyfriend trying to stop you. Your partner should be someone who wants you to be happy no matter who you are with.
We can't break up with him for you, you have to do it. Accept that it will be painful letting go, but let go. If it helps, do it gradually. Speak to him less so that you can build back a life without him. If you often talk for 2 hours, talk for just one hour and stick to the limit.
You shouldn't let yourself be twisted back into a relationship that you don't want.
IMHO he's a wanker. Go out with your friends this weekend and you'll find out for yourself whether you should stay with him - if he doesn't talk to you, get away quick because he's a twat, and if he actually is comfortable with it, maybe he's worth it - and then you'll have proved to him and to yourself that you have independence.
I went out with my freinds...only he sorta followed because he met up with a male freind of mine who knew where i was going.I was fine with that, but i was determined to spend most of my time with my freinds. Anyway i ended up getting quite drunk and we had a huge argument and i told him that i wanted to break up.Then the next morning we sorta forgot about it all (and laughed it off) and we've had a few words since.
I know he doesnt trust me even though he says he does-so how can a relationship go on without it?
He also hates me spending time with my freinds without him-i think hes just too over possessive.
But apart from that he makes me laugh and happy (most of the time) and i cant imagine my life without him. I just couldnt bare the thought of going out and seeing him with some other girl-it would really hurt me.
I really duno what to do.i love him but i dont wana carry on the way things are going.Its so hard.
Has anyone ever had to make a decision like this and how did it go?